A buddy of mine who I hadn't seen in a while wanted to get married but he had a real dilemma. He was attracted to 3 women so he decided to test them. He gave each one of them a thousand bucks to see how they would spend it.
The first chick went out & got a complete makeover & said she spent the money to look more beautiful because she loved him so much.
The second chick bought an IPAD & a new flat screen TV because she loved him so much.
The third check invested it, doubled her money & gave the thousand back to him while investing the rest for their future.
I told him he was a lucky man & asked which one he chose.
He responded "The one with the biggest tits."
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A buddy of mine who I hadn't seen in a while wanted to get married but he had a real dilemma. He was attracted to 3 women so he decided to test them. He gave each one of them a thousand bucks to see how they would spend it.
The first chick went out & got a complete makeover & said she spent the money to look more beautiful because she loved him so much.
The second chick bought an IPAD & a new flat screen TV because she loved him so much.
The third check invested it, doubled her money & gave the thousand back to him while investing the rest for their future.
I told him he was a lucky man & asked which one he chose.
25 thousand blondes show up at Madison Square Garden for a convention & they want to prove blondes are not dumb. The host of the show invites a woman up to the stage to prove her point.
She asks the lady "how much is 15+15" and the lady replies "27." The crowd starts chanting "Give her another chance! Give her another chance." So the host does just that and asks her "how much is 10+10 & the lady says "31." So the crowd again chants "Give her another chance! Give her another chance." The host agrees to give her one more chance.
She asks the lady "how much is 2+2" & after some thought she respond "4." The crowd chants "Give her another chance! Give he another chance!"
1
25 thousand blondes show up at Madison Square Garden for a convention & they want to prove blondes are not dumb. The host of the show invites a woman up to the stage to prove her point.
She asks the lady "how much is 15+15" and the lady replies "27." The crowd starts chanting "Give her another chance! Give her another chance." So the host does just that and asks her "how much is 10+10 & the lady says "31." So the crowd again chants "Give her another chance! Give her another chance." The host agrees to give her one more chance.
She asks the lady "how much is 2+2" & after some thought she respond "4." The crowd chants "Give her another chance! Give he another chance!"
Midnight-When you gave this race yesterday (Race 10 tri key 1 with 3-5-6-7) what track was this? I watched the 10th from Gulfstream and the #7 came down in the inside and crawled along the rail inside another horse to win the 10th. Thank you.
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Midnight-When you gave this race yesterday (Race 10 tri key 1 with 3-5-6-7) what track was this? I watched the 10th from Gulfstream and the #7 came down in the inside and crawled along the rail inside another horse to win the 10th. Thank you.
Midnight-When you gave this race yesterday (Race 10 tri key 1 with 3-5-6-7) what track was this? I watched both the 10th from Gulfstream and the #7 came down in the inside and crawled along the rail inside another horse to win the 10th. In the 10th from Aqueduct yesterday (The Carter S) that #1 looked like Eddie D and the finish was 1-2-6-3
0
Midnight-When you gave this race yesterday (Race 10 tri key 1 with 3-5-6-7) what track was this? I watched both the 10th from Gulfstream and the #7 came down in the inside and crawled along the rail inside another horse to win the 10th. In the 10th from Aqueduct yesterday (The Carter S) that #1 looked like Eddie D and the finish was 1-2-6-3
25 thousand blondes show up at Madison Square Garden for a convention & they want to prove blondes are not dumb. The host of the show invites a woman up to the stage to prove her point. She asks the lady "how much is 15+15" and the lady replies "27." The crowd starts chanting "Give her another chance! Give her another chance." So the host does just that and asks her "how much is 10+10 & the lady says "31." So the crowd again chants "Give her another chance! Give her another chance." The host agrees to give her one more chance. She asks the lady "how much is 2+2" & after some thought she respond "4." The crowd chants "Give her another chance! Give he another chance!"
Blondes are the best!
TIME TO BRING BACK THE OBAMA CAGES!
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Quote Originally Posted by Midnight1:
25 thousand blondes show up at Madison Square Garden for a convention & they want to prove blondes are not dumb. The host of the show invites a woman up to the stage to prove her point. She asks the lady "how much is 15+15" and the lady replies "27." The crowd starts chanting "Give her another chance! Give her another chance." So the host does just that and asks her "how much is 10+10 & the lady says "31." So the crowd again chants "Give her another chance! Give her another chance." The host agrees to give her one more chance. She asks the lady "how much is 2+2" & after some thought she respond "4." The crowd chants "Give her another chance! Give he another chance!"
It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon in South Florida & I'm thankful at my age, multitasking is something I can do regularly.
I'm playing the ponies on my laptop & watching the Masters, Yanks/Giants & Marlins/NATS on the boobtube. The boss comes over & drops the new monthly Costco magazine in my lap & I start thumbing through it & find an article that catches my attention about potty training young kids. It made me chuckle.
The article tells young parents to make going to the potty fun for the child. Read them a book, let them play with a stuffed animal & have patience.
Well when I was growing up there were 6 of us living in a NYC apartment with 1 bathroom. I was taught to crap or get off the pot & that has served me well in other aspects of my life. How could my Mom or Dad spend time reading a book to me on the crapper while my other siblings are banging on the bathroom door to hurry up? It could never happen!
The times they are a changin..Props to Dylan
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It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon in South Florida & I'm thankful at my age, multitasking is something I can do regularly.
I'm playing the ponies on my laptop & watching the Masters, Yanks/Giants & Marlins/NATS on the boobtube. The boss comes over & drops the new monthly Costco magazine in my lap & I start thumbing through it & find an article that catches my attention about potty training young kids. It made me chuckle.
The article tells young parents to make going to the potty fun for the child. Read them a book, let them play with a stuffed animal & have patience.
Well when I was growing up there were 6 of us living in a NYC apartment with 1 bathroom. I was taught to crap or get off the pot & that has served me well in other aspects of my life. How could my Mom or Dad spend time reading a book to me on the crapper while my other siblings are banging on the bathroom door to hurry up? It could never happen!
Just got back from having lunch with a buddy & his son who is considering asking his girlfriend to marry him. So as a man I had to share a tale told me by my grandfather.
When a woman is looking for a man it's a lot like shopping to them. On the 1st floor, all the men have a job. But they want more & move on to the 2nd floor where all the men have a job & love kids. Not enough yet. On the 3rd floor, all the men have a job, love kids & are studs. Still not enough. On the 4th floor, all the men have jobs, love kids, are studs & will help with the housework & can fix things around the house. By now they're panties are wet from expectations of what's on the 5th floor. When they arrive on the 5th floor there's a sign that reads "There are no men on this floor. You are 30,672,318 person to visit this floor."
Which proves women are impossible to please.
I think I scared the shit out of him.
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Just got back from having lunch with a buddy & his son who is considering asking his girlfriend to marry him. So as a man I had to share a tale told me by my grandfather.
When a woman is looking for a man it's a lot like shopping to them. On the 1st floor, all the men have a job. But they want more & move on to the 2nd floor where all the men have a job & love kids. Not enough yet. On the 3rd floor, all the men have a job, love kids & are studs. Still not enough. On the 4th floor, all the men have jobs, love kids, are studs & will help with the housework & can fix things around the house. By now they're panties are wet from expectations of what's on the 5th floor. When they arrive on the 5th floor there's a sign that reads "There are no men on this floor. You are 30,672,318 person to visit this floor."
I was stunned last night & that doesn't happen to often anymore.
The boss & I went to one of our favorite restaurants named Flannigans. They are famous for their ribs & cold beer. We decided to get a dozen garlic rolls because they are huge, crispy & yet soft.
I asked the waitress for a dozen garlic rolls to go & she said "What's a dozen? We have 3, 6 or 12." I was like "Wut, wut, wut" & glanced over to my wife in disbelief & she gave me the "be nice" look. So I looked at the waitress & said "OK, we'll take a dozen." She says to me "Sir, I said we have portions of 3,6 or 12" while she gives me the stink eye. So now my wife interjects & tells her we will take 12 garlic rolls & the waitress walked away shaking her head. WTF??
She didn't know how many were in a dozen?? I told my wife that the waitress wasn't pretty enough to be that dumb.
0
I was stunned last night & that doesn't happen to often anymore.
The boss & I went to one of our favorite restaurants named Flannigans. They are famous for their ribs & cold beer. We decided to get a dozen garlic rolls because they are huge, crispy & yet soft.
I asked the waitress for a dozen garlic rolls to go & she said "What's a dozen? We have 3, 6 or 12." I was like "Wut, wut, wut" & glanced over to my wife in disbelief & she gave me the "be nice" look. So I looked at the waitress & said "OK, we'll take a dozen." She says to me "Sir, I said we have portions of 3,6 or 12" while she gives me the stink eye. So now my wife interjects & tells her we will take 12 garlic rolls & the waitress walked away shaking her head. WTF??
She didn't know how many were in a dozen?? I told my wife that the waitress wasn't pretty enough to be that dumb.
I was stunned last night & that doesn't happen to often anymore. The boss & I went to one of our favorite restaurants named Flannigans. They are famous for their ribs & cold beer. We decided to get a dozen garlic rolls because they are huge, crispy & yet soft. I asked the waitress for a dozen garlic rolls to go & she said "What's a dozen? We have 3, 6 or 12." I was like "Wut, wut, wut" & glanced over to my wife in disbelief & she gave me the "be nice" look. So I looked at the waitress & said "OK, we'll take a dozen." She says to me "Sir, I said we have portions of 3,6 or 12" while she gives me the stink eye. So now my wife interjects & tells her we will take 12 garlic rolls & the waitress walked away shaking her head. WTF?? She didn't know how many were in a dozen?? I told my wife that the waitress wasn't pretty enough to be that dumb.
Sadly, this does not come as a surprise, they can't even tell time on an old-fashioned clock either or use the old dial up phones we grew up with. Videos are all over the Internet now.
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Quote Originally Posted by Midnight1:
I was stunned last night & that doesn't happen to often anymore. The boss & I went to one of our favorite restaurants named Flannigans. They are famous for their ribs & cold beer. We decided to get a dozen garlic rolls because they are huge, crispy & yet soft. I asked the waitress for a dozen garlic rolls to go & she said "What's a dozen? We have 3, 6 or 12." I was like "Wut, wut, wut" & glanced over to my wife in disbelief & she gave me the "be nice" look. So I looked at the waitress & said "OK, we'll take a dozen." She says to me "Sir, I said we have portions of 3,6 or 12" while she gives me the stink eye. So now my wife interjects & tells her we will take 12 garlic rolls & the waitress walked away shaking her head. WTF?? She didn't know how many were in a dozen?? I told my wife that the waitress wasn't pretty enough to be that dumb.
Sadly, this does not come as a surprise, they can't even tell time on an old-fashioned clock either or use the old dial up phones we grew up with. Videos are all over the Internet now.
A 13 year old boy drowned on Fort. Lauderdale Beach today. I don't know if he's a local kid or someone visiting. He was swimming with 3 other kids who made it back to shallow water & to the beach. This kid didn't.
We've had high seas warning & it will go through the Easter weekend. There are red flag warnings posted on the beach but if you're not familiar what each color means what good are they, right? Here's what each color means.
PURPLE...DANGEROUS WILDLIFE IN THE AREA
GREEN...LOW HAZARD . GOOD TO GO
YELLOW...MEDIUM HAZARD. STRONGER SURF
SINGLE RED FLAG..HIGH HAZARD. HIGH SURF. STRONG CURRENTS
DOUBLE RED FLAG...BEACH IS CLOSED TO SWIMMERS
The purple dangerous wildlife in our cases is really the Man o' War or better known as jellyfish. If you're ever stung, have someone pee on the area stung. It will soothe the sting & give everyone else a hell of a laugh. I'd worry a little if all 5 friends wanted to piss on you.
The red, green yellow are similar to everyone's traffic lights so those are easy. Purple is the only tricky one but if don't see anyone in the water, there's a reason. Make sure you're kids & grandchildren know what they mean.
0
A 13 year old boy drowned on Fort. Lauderdale Beach today. I don't know if he's a local kid or someone visiting. He was swimming with 3 other kids who made it back to shallow water & to the beach. This kid didn't.
We've had high seas warning & it will go through the Easter weekend. There are red flag warnings posted on the beach but if you're not familiar what each color means what good are they, right? Here's what each color means.
PURPLE...DANGEROUS WILDLIFE IN THE AREA
GREEN...LOW HAZARD . GOOD TO GO
YELLOW...MEDIUM HAZARD. STRONGER SURF
SINGLE RED FLAG..HIGH HAZARD. HIGH SURF. STRONG CURRENTS
DOUBLE RED FLAG...BEACH IS CLOSED TO SWIMMERS
The purple dangerous wildlife in our cases is really the Man o' War or better known as jellyfish. If you're ever stung, have someone pee on the area stung. It will soothe the sting & give everyone else a hell of a laugh. I'd worry a little if all 5 friends wanted to piss on you.
The red, green yellow are similar to everyone's traffic lights so those are easy. Purple is the only tricky one but if don't see anyone in the water, there's a reason. Make sure you're kids & grandchildren know what they mean.
Was talking to a utility employee about getting some updates done to my gas lines in my building when we set up the appointment and they wanted to know if I would be at the building when the serviceman came to perform the work.
I told them no my son would be home so they asked for my son's name and I responded Mike and then they asked what was his last name in which I replied......if he is my son and I told you that my son would be home what would you guess that his last name would be?
She replied oh yeah sorry your right my bad....Really? No shit!
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Mine is how one can be so clueless at their job.
Was talking to a utility employee about getting some updates done to my gas lines in my building when we set up the appointment and they wanted to know if I would be at the building when the serviceman came to perform the work.
I told them no my son would be home so they asked for my son's name and I responded Mike and then they asked what was his last name in which I replied......if he is my son and I told you that my son would be home what would you guess that his last name would be?
She replied oh yeah sorry your right my bad....Really? No shit!
Mine is how one can be so clueless at their job. Was talking to a utility employee about getting some updates done to my gas lines in my building when we set up the appointment and they wanted to know if I would be at the building when the serviceman came to perform the work. I told them no my son would be home so they asked for my son's name and I responded Mike and then they asked what was his last name in which I replied......if he is my son and I told you that my son would be home what would you guess that his last name would be? She replied oh yeah sorry your right my bad....Really? No shit!
In reality she was right...what if you had divorced and later remarried a lady with children? he would have his dad's last name, unless you adopted him. Happy Easter!
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Quote Originally Posted by justliketoplay:
Mine is how one can be so clueless at their job. Was talking to a utility employee about getting some updates done to my gas lines in my building when we set up the appointment and they wanted to know if I would be at the building when the serviceman came to perform the work. I told them no my son would be home so they asked for my son's name and I responded Mike and then they asked what was his last name in which I replied......if he is my son and I told you that my son would be home what would you guess that his last name would be? She replied oh yeah sorry your right my bad....Really? No shit!
In reality she was right...what if you had divorced and later remarried a lady with children? he would have his dad's last name, unless you adopted him. Happy Easter!
Yes but I said my son will be home not my step son nor my Grandson will be home or my adopted son will be home but that my son will be home...and a Happy Easter to you as well
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@Daddy_Freddie
Yes but I said my son will be home not my step son nor my Grandson will be home or my adopted son will be home but that my son will be home...and a Happy Easter to you as well
@Daddy_Freddie Yes but I said my son will be home not my step son nor my Grandson will be home or my adopted son will be home but that my son will be home...and a Happy Easter to you as well
I was just giving her the benefit of the doubt here and I am not trying to argue semantics with you, it's just given the situation some people will call people their son even if they are not biologically. To each his own I guess
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Quote Originally Posted by justliketoplay:
@Daddy_Freddie Yes but I said my son will be home not my step son nor my Grandson will be home or my adopted son will be home but that my son will be home...and a Happy Easter to you as well
I was just giving her the benefit of the doubt here and I am not trying to argue semantics with you, it's just given the situation some people will call people their son even if they are not biologically. To each his own I guess
Thanks bro no offense given whatsoever just clarifying and you or I may have took it wrong.... don't overfill yourself will lamb on Easter enjoy you and your family.
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@Daddy_Freddie
Thanks bro no offense given whatsoever just clarifying and you or I may have took it wrong.... don't overfill yourself will lamb on Easter enjoy you and your family.
The Swiss Guard has been protecting the Pope & Vatican since 1506. They are the oldest active military in the world. Just saw a sobering picture of the guards protecting the coffin of Pope Francis.
If you find history interesting, check out theirs.
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The Swiss Guard has been protecting the Pope & Vatican since 1506. They are the oldest active military in the world. Just saw a sobering picture of the guards protecting the coffin of Pope Francis.
If you find history interesting, check out theirs.
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