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Days recap: 4-4 (+.30)
I got this bright idea last night to take more home teams than I normally do. I did a google search and found some bullshit graph on a blog that showed home field winning percentages going back to the 1900's. They were averaging 53-56%. Then I switched around some plays and went 4-4. Motherfucker. Anyway, here's what I got:
Cleveland +155 - Don't give a fuck who's pitching, who's hitting, or if the entire team catches aids tonight. I ride streaks.
Texas RL -1.5+125 - But the Tigers are due! Fuck them. Miguel Cabrera is probably passed out in his own vomit right about now and the rest of the offense are watching tutorials on how to play baseball. I don't care if Dick Cheney is pitching in a wheelchair, this team can't hit. Period. And when Brad Fat Fuck Penny is your number 2, that should be fair enough warning.
Washington +115 - Joe Bulldog Blanton is on the mound with a considerable amount of away juice against an abortion to baseball, the Nationals.
Never understood why they call him "Bulldog." Joe Blanton would be a 5th starter on any team, including the Bad News Bears. His specialty pitch is the fat fuck finger fastball, and when he's not scarfing down kit kats and ice cream sandwiches in between innings, he's on the mound with a stupid intense expression on his face, probably the result of having to shit his pants.
Livan may be 63 years old but he's like that old smooth cat that'll cold hit on your girl in front of you without even realizing it.
Nats homedog money for me.
Tampa Bay +160 - I've never seen David Price at + this much. Fucking absurd. The Rays are starting to gel. The Sox aren't really a team, just a bunch of overpaid random dudes thrown together and expected to win. I bet Theo Epstein is a real asshole these days. He probably drinks in his office and throws shit at his assistant.
Pittsburgh +110 -
Florida +160 - This is a lot of cream for a team that's half decent. Atlanta only hitting .195 or some shit against righties. I expect the Braves to come hard and have the edge, but +160 is hard to turn down. The pitchers are about even against each other it'll come down to who can hit today.
Hopefully Hanley person Ramirez will be out of the lineup. He's a big distraction to the team and acts like person most of the time. He wears his hat crooked and makes a shitload of money. If he weren't such a great talent, he'd be Hanley "the crooked hat wearin, bad attitude havin recently fired from a shit job" Ramirez. And a big ass child support bill.
Seattle +100 - I was going to pay this regardless of the outcome today, but that just makes it even better. I have a feeling the Blue Jays are going to be more like the Blow Jays on the road this season. Any team that gives up 5 runs in an inning to the M's deserves to be slapped in the face. And that's just what Pineda and whoever the fuck they pulled out of the shelter to fill their line up will do, hopefully. A big hopefully.
I mean, if Jack Cust is your clean up hitter, there's a problem. Jack Cust strikes out so much he creates weather patterns. But fuck it. Against the grain with this one, momentum's on M's side.
Houston -116 - Brett Myers better come through. The offense is showing some life.
Meanwhile James Russell is slated to only throw 40-50 pitches. Mike Quade must have a shitload of faith in him. This is clearly an experiment game for the Cubs and I'm betting that experiment goes horribly wrong.
Baltimore +164 - Worth a shot, we'll see if the O's have what it takes. I expect them to give a full out effort against their AL East rivals. Buck Showalter will beat these guys senseless if they don't. +164 is an insult.
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good write-up
funny shit dude, keep it up
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA
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