Forget MVP, Coach of the Year, and all those boring awards that recognize actual football accomplishments. We're here to celebrate what really matters: making money, losing money, and the teams and players responsible for both.
From obscure prop-betting heroes and results that make absolutely no sense to preseason favorites who've become a disgrace to the sport, the inaugural Ossies recognize the best, worst, and most ridiculous betting performances of the first half of the NFL season.
No red carpet, no acceptance speeches, and absolutely no guarantee that any of these winners will still be worth a damn next week.
And the Ossies go to...
The It Shouldn't Be This Easy, But It Is Award
Awarded to the Los Angeles Chargers for going 0-8 ATS
Usually, it's not as simple as just betting against a bad team and winning every single week, but here we are!
The Chargers are 0-8 ATS, failing to cover by an average of 9.6 points per game. Absolutely no one saw this train wreck of a season coming, but it was clear from the start that this team would be a total joke after losing back-to-back home games as a favorite against the Arizona Cardinals and Las Vegas Raiders to open the season.
This would be a good time for the NFL to introduce relegation. Maybe the Chargers could cover a spread in the CFL.
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The Who the Hell Is That Guy Award
Awarded to Xavier Hutchinson for going Over his receiving yards total in seven of eight games
No offense to the former sixth-round pick out of Iowa State and his family, but casual bettors haven't exactly been racing to the sportsbook each week to hammer his Overs... but they should be!
Sitting fifth on the Houston Texans in receiving yards with an average closing receiving yards total of just 21.8, Hutchinson has somehow cashed his Over in seven of eight games. He might not sell many jerseys, but he's been printing winning tickets.
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The Random AF, But Cool Award
Awarded to the Atlanta Falcons for going Over the first-quarter total in eight of nine games
Finally, something the Falcons are consistent at!
Atlanta has gone Over the first-quarter total in eight of nine games, with its offense ranking eighth in first-quarter scoring (5.3 PPG) and its defense allowing the fourth-most points (6.3). That's an average of 11.6 combined points in the opening 15 minutes.
Apparently, the Falcons only need one quarter to entertain us before getting back to disappointing everyone.
Best Player in a Supporting Role
Awarded to Mike Gesicki for scoring six touchdowns in eight games
With 34 fewer receptions than Ja'Marr Chase and 29 fewer than Tee Higgins, it's been quality over quantity for Gesicki. He's mastered the art of the quick cameo, recording three or fewer catches in six of eight games while still finding the end zone six times.
Chase and Higgins might be the flashy sports cars that get all the attention, but Gesicki is the 2012 Honda Civic that quietly gets you where you need to go every single week.
The Maybe Don't Use a Top-Six Draft Pick on a Running Back Award
Co-winners! Awarded to Jeremiyah Love and Ashton Jeanty for going Over their rushing yards totals in a combined three games
Averaging just 3.5 yards per carry and 44.6 yards per game, Jeremiyah Love hasn't exactly been shot out of a cannon to start his NFL career. Some might blame his slow start on injuries, but anyone who backed him in preseason futures markets doesn't want to hear it.
While Love still has plenty of time to develop into a star, Ashton Jeanty is inching closer to becoming a bust with each passing game. He's gone Under his total in seven straight games, including a five-game stretch in which he hasn't even reached 30 rushing yards.
Two top-six picks, three combined Overs. The only thing these guys are consistently running up is the tab for anyone betting on them.
Best Visual Effects
Awarded to the Las Vegas Raiders for going Over in their last seven games
The Raiders still aren't good, but they're fun now!
Their last seven games have all gone Over, and they've been stress-free Overs, with all seven games producing at least 55 combined points, despite five of those games having closing totals of 49.5 or lower.
The defense has the stopping power of wet toilet paper, but credit the offense for doing its part to keep these games entertaining. The Raiders might not win many games, but they're doing the Lord's work for Over bettors.
Best Performance as a Villain
Awarded to the Arizona Cardinals for repeatedly pissing off the betting community despite having only three wins
The Cardinals kicked off the season by eliminating 7,585 entries from Circa Survivor (and countless other pools) with their Week 1 upset of the Chargers, wiping out $10.3 million in entry fees across two contests.
They followed that by pulling off the biggest upset of the NFL season, winning outright against the Los Angeles Rams as 12.5-point underdogs. And just for good measure, they stunned the Dallas Cowboys in overtime after their win probability dipped to 1.3% in the fourth quarter.
Some teams play for championships. The Cardinals play to destroy parlays, teasers, survivor pools, and the occasional marriage as a result of their chaotic ways.
Biggest Futures Bomb
Awarded to the Philadelphia Eagles for their 2-7 start
The Chargers deserve an honorable mention, but they don't have the pedigree of the Eagles or the luxury of playing in a division with the New York Giants, Cowboys, and Washington Commanders.
Philadelphia entered the season as NFC East favorites, but nine games later, they're riding a seven-game losing streak, sitting dead last in the entire NFC, and looking like a team that could be completely blown up at any moment.
And while losing Jalen Hurts certainly hasn't helped, spare me the injury excuses. The division-leading Giants just beat you with a quarterback combination of J.J. McCarthy and Jameis freaking Winston.
Best Player in a Leading Role
Awarded to Jordan Love for going 8-1 to the Over on his passing touchdown and completion props
Where would the Green Bay Packers be without Jordan Love, who's caught fire in recent weeks?
He's thrown 19 touchdowns in nine games, and his success is even more impressive when you consider that Green Bay pass catchers lead the NFL in drops.
Can we get this man a proper No. 1 receiver? Or, at the very least, a few guys who don't treat every pass like a football that's been dipped in anthrax?
Best Performance by an Ensemble
Awarded to the Denver Broncos for going a league-best 7-2 ATS (and 7-2 SU)
This is no ordinary 7-2 record, with outright wins and covers against the Kansas City Chiefs, Seattle Seahawks, Rams, and Jacksonville Jaguars.
Statistically, Denver is far from elite, but at the end of the day, the only stat that truly matters is wins. And while Bo Nix might not blow you away with his numbers, he's becoming one of the toughest quarterbacks in the NFL to bet against.
As the saying goes, every quarterback is better than Bo Nix until they actually have to beat Bo Nix.
Lifetime Achievement Award
Awarded to Travis Kelce for going Over his receiving yards total in six of eight games
How about a little respect for the legend, who's still cashing tickets for bettors at the ripe old age of 37!
Kelce leads the Chiefs in receiving yards, which probably isn't great news for Kansas City, but it's fantastic for anyone who's been backing his Overs. Despite that, his receiving yards total has closed below 50 in five of eight games.
Apparently, the sportsbooks think he's one bad sneeze away from needing a hip replacement.
Honorable mention to Aaron Rodgers for leading the Pittsburgh Steelers to a 6-2 SU and ATS record. What a leader! He's 42, seems pissed off at every press conference, trusts absolutely nobody, and somehow has an entire city believing in him.
Odds are correct at the time of publishing and are subject to change.
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