Sacrifice gambling to help a friend

Wizard, I understand where you're coming from. I figured a lot of guys that have commented in this thread would feel similar to you.

I do think he lives beyond his means, but I hope I got him to realize this last night.

A lot you guys suggest the tough love route... Unfortunately, for me... I'm a box- I don't have that in me. Seeing my boy scared, depressed, and feeling alone is something that keeps me up at night. Honestly, giving him the loan eased my mind as much as it did his.

I totally respect where you're coming from though. thanks for sharing

kaufee,dont you think your friends doing drugs too. he already admited to xantax,.you said he looked like shit,place looked bad. i hope you have accounting on what he spends your $5,000 on.  hopefully he wont piss it away on drugs & boos. whats wrong in askinf for written agreement,dont even put payment plan. man up i bet if & when your wife finds out she will be more pissed . that you have nothing in writing. i almost would taken step further less $$ to loan.he gives you the bills when they come in like rent & utilties,credit card. food hes own his own.again put in writing because your wife will have legit complaint on this matter good luck you are good friend,but not smart one happy holidays,

Kaufee, this is the shitty part .............

Your friend could have the best intentions in the world ....

But, you better believe he's going to make sure he has HIS drugs and drinks before you see a dime ....

It's just the way it goes ... He probably has no idea what's going on.

Honestly, i think tough love would have worked better ... "why does this place look like such shit? why do you look like such shit? Are you drinking and drugging everyday? Look at this fucking place .... You can't even take care of your apartment ... how the hell are you going to find a job and all of that?????"

Your friend is an alky. IMHO.  

You did what you could though. You're a good guy.

baronman and detox, I hear ya both. I would prob conclude he was drugging or drinking too. But I know my friend really well- he's not on drugs (except prescribed Xanax). He looks like shit because he's depressed. Now, could his situation get worse and could he start abusing drugs and/or alcohol...Absolutely. I promise if that shit happens, I will bump this thread and tell all you guys you were correct.
But, right now - his demon is depression.

baronman, I also see where you're coming from with how he spends the loan. But, he's 33 years old - I can't babysit him. I've got my own baby at home.

My wife is another issue and yes, keeping this from her could cause me some distress.... still working in my head how I'm gonna deal with her

    

i hear ya kauf. you did good and now you feel better. trust me i know how that goes. no matter what your boy does you did good for you. just dont go beyond your means thats all but im sure you know all this...

i knew depression was the big thing here after hearing about the cc debt. sounded like it. depression in your mid 30s and after being mentally "on top" can be tough to get past. trust me, been there to and am finally getting past it but it was a mind f*ck and i know not many can do it...hense...o.g. protos troubled waters thread...

youre a good guy, someone in here said to keep pushin him. do it. if he gets thru this, which he easily can do, his appreciation will show and you will feel damn proud of yourself. if his life continues to spiral downhill now its because he refuses to be responsible and let his negativity get the better of him. but at least you maintained your principles and feel no regret about you. 

tell your friend to understand itll take about a yr of sacrifice and doing any job(s) neccessary to get on happy grounds again and then about another 6mths to a yr to completely get back to where all is good. but thats way better then giving up and destroying the rest of life. depression is rough when dealing with humble pie, but can be beaten. keep him staying positive, saying f it, and remind him he has a pair of cojones... 

 

You have a great heart Kaufee. I hope everything works out with the situation. You are bound to hit a huge parlay after this generoisty .

All the best and keep us updated.

K- I'm repeating myself but you're a good friend to this guy. I've never been married but I love giving advice to married guys with kids. Don't open a new front in the home keep this a little secret between you and xanax-boy.

I think you are a good man to come to your friends aid. You need to be realistic that you may never see the $$$ again (contract or not and I would not have written one, rather have his word between friends).  I did this for two different friends and it took each of them between 3-5 years to pay back but they did. Mentally, I kissed it goodbye the day I sent it to them and this helped me not get pissed about it.

My major advice is tell your wife because she has already voiced opinon on the subject (if not you could have let it ride and hope she did not find out and explain as needed, but since she has you need to tell her). No matter how unpleasant it is, it will be much worse if she finds out later. Instead of costing you 5K in a bad debt it could cost you her trust or worse-half of your net worth.  Just do it!

I agree with this ,but I have a hard time loaning money to a drunk..Maybe help him get a job..half ur bankroll ..ouch!..if it could jepardize ur relationship w wife I wouldnt..

500  a month for food?!?!? HAHAHAHAHA fuck that....back to Ramen noodles and peanut butter sandwiches buddy. 500 bucks a month?!?! thats like $16.50 a day man (absurdly high if things are really this bad) ALSO 500 bucks min in credit card payments?!?!? What sort of debt is he in???? 100k? I mean come on man....we gotta get real here and bite the bullet 

oh and he had 80 to 100k paying job last time around? he better not squabble over ANYTHING if he couldn't manage to save any dough from that kind of salary man....sounds like this dude needs more help than anything you have to offer him (no offense) 

Kaufee....I JUST READ the response where you lent him the cash...and on the contrary to my above posts you probably made the right move, especially considering he is a buddy of 23 years. Hell, I say this as a 23 year old young man myself and my few buddies (6 or so) that I have been friends with since elementary school and am still friends with to this day can say that i would have done the same thing if I was able. My buddies have meant the world to me along with my family and I would do everything in my power to get them out of a low spot in their lives. Cheers to you man and keep us updated 

Ad1260, thx for the kind words bro, appreciate it

Unfortunately, the sacrifice has backfired! My wife found out and she is fuming!

Kaufee is in the dog house. Will update thread tomorrow with how she found out, it's unbelievable.

Everyone said tell her and I chose not to. Now I'm in a big hole

kaufee





it was nice knowing you

how on earth did she find out??

dangerous time of year to try and  take out a big chunk of dough without the wife noticing. It's natural to check your bank acct to see what kind of money you have to spend on christmas gifts. 

NEVER mix money and friends. Really sorry to hear your wife found out, but I would have passed on loaning that much money to a buddy in the first place. 

I eventually had to draw the line.  He got out of rehab and a buddy let him stay with him for a month....but that was it.  The 30 days were up and I volunteered nothing.  He ended up having to sleep at various relatives houses while he found a place.  Now he has one and actually has 2 jobs.  So I'm hopeful.  Hope your friend doesn't take advantage of your generosity.

Mrs.Kaufee didn't come on Covers to check line moves on Steelers/49ers?

There might be some guys on Covers she don't want you loaning money to either.

Told you.  You better kiss some ass.  

Well, as I've said in this thread, a friend of mine got himself in all sorts of money problems.  Now he owes the IRS so he can't even open a bank account or they take all his money.

Got this from today:

I know it is a pain in the ass to cash my crap for me, but I am in a little jam. I get paid Friday, but have to basically work Fri and Sat the hours that the check cashing place is open...do you mind grabbing some cash and I will track you down and sign my check over...should be around $500. Lemme know...thx, eb

It always starts out, "I'm in a little jam."  In a jam when he was in rehab.  In a jam when he couldn't afford to get his car fixed (his parents still owe me $650).  In a jam needing a car.  In a jam to get his checks cashed.  In a jam for gas money.  In a jam because he had no money to have his cat put down (she couldn't walk).

this is why men tend to have better friends than women. when it comes to respect & loyalty men are genuine at it, but when box comes into play it's an open war.

you're a great friend, mate.