Sacrifice gambling to help a friend

You are doing your friend more harm than good by enabling him. After you give him the money he will continue on the path he has laid out for himself. If you are feeling charitable, donate the money to a worthy cause, not a degenerate friend. Who won't be your friend after you give him the money.One of the first rules of friendship is never mix money and friends.

I have a buddy who manages my money and is good at it.  Unfortunately, he's made really bad decisions when it comes to his own life.  He quit his job as a VP in an investment firm because of spite....5 years ago.  Since then, he's been in and out of crap jobs and does some consulting to make a few bucks.  I've helped him out more times than I can count.  Couple hundred here, couple hundred there.  I also pay him to manage my money. 

He's been to treatment twice (most recently got out about 2 months ago and has been doing better).  Of course, he had no car when he got out so I went around, looked at about 7 cheap ones, and bought him one for a grand....he only had $800 so there is $200 more I gave him. 

First thing I warn him about:  Do NOT drive in lousy weather until you get insurance (he was going to have to drive it for about a month before he could afford insurance).  First nasty storm we get he gets in an accident (his fault of course).  Luckily, the other person will let him work out a payment plan and didn't call the cops. 

Moral of the story:  Some people just never figure it out.  My friend now has a place to live (sober house) and got a job stocking at Target.  All he has left is the clothes on his back right now.  He's trying to start over.  I hope he makes it, but you just never know. 

I can't say don't give your friend the money, but you better be prepared to never see it again.  I've probably given my friend $2K or $3K over the last couple of years.  But I'm at the end of my rope and he knows it. 

Good luck.  It's really tough to say "no."  Been there.

I've only read the first post and none of the replies. My suggestion is to avoid this if you can. Nothing a woman loves more than telling you she was right and that she told you so. Don't mix friends with money and your friends will stay friends.

I like the idea of a holiday parlay in his name leave it up to the gambling gods. If this is a very good friend then you really should help if you can if these conditions exist.

1. Your friend understands and appreciates that he is putting you in a bind with your wife.

2. That he is not just a lazy ass that lost his job for a reason(his fault) or is the type that will only take work that is of his status and feels the world is to blame.

3. That if he is unable to find a job after a set time then interest should build untill such a time as he can repay with NO LIMMIT on how long that is.

Good luck

By the way, I paid $650 so he could get his truck fixed.....only to have to junk it (which I knew was going to be the case as it really needed ).  And I also paid to have his cat euthanized.

You never know when the requests are going to stop or if you'll ever see your money again.  Just know that.

What offshore book are we talking about?

If it's BoDog, by the time you get your payout, your friend will be hungry, homeless and suicidal anyway.

I have some random questions regarding your friend.  Is he doing everything in his power to lower his monthly expenses?  Certain people have a certain standards (high, low, etc) of living or lifestyle they think they have to maintain.  (I'm under the assumption that this person does not have a wife or children so there's no worrying about several mouths to feed ... that kinda thing)  So he's a big drinker ... that my friend is a BIG expense.  Did he do his part in cutting that out?  Drinks at bars, restaurants or even at home adds up quick.  What about dining?  Is he grocery shopping and getting that part of his expense down to a couple hundred bucks a month?  Has he been proactive?  Maybe talk to the landlord and see if there's something that could be done regarding his lease or monthly rent for a couple months?  Can he track his spending to the nearest dollar?  Look, I hope the best for your friend and you seem like a stand up guy for throwing so much support his way.  But I see many people cry about their finances or life situations and think they're nowhere near rock bottom.  When you're in the hospital fighting for your life, that's when things get desperate and you truly understand and are able to prioritize many things in your life.  Anyways ... off topic a bit ... good luck man!!!

Oh ... forgot the main part!!!  First find out all his debt obligations.  Meaning every credit card he ran up and how much.  I'd get a good feel for where your 10 grand loan stacks up to his other financial obligations.  That would give you a good indicator of how he'd be able to repay you and how long it would take.  You may be looking at several years time before you get squared away.  If you can stomach that, dish it out and don't bother telling your wife.  If she didn't know about this gambling account in the first place, you would of never told her about it down the road anyways.  You can save the "but my wife ..." speech for somebody else.

He's an alky. You'd be enabling him. It would actually hurt him more than help him. Blame it on your wife ...Because he won't understand the truth anyways... and you can keep his friendship if he ever cleans up. IMHO.  

 

I think you have the wrong idea of what an alky is. Every alky doesn't push a carriage around downtown. It seems to me that his life has become unmanagable.

k this is simple now.

you sound similar to me in this regard. youre a good person and will always be a good friend and have principles of your own. you will have issues mentally either way but you will regret not helping due to your nature more then saying no to him.

give your friend some cash now, see what happens in a few so you can keep your hobby afloat.  if youre willing to do 10, start with one mths worth of whats needed and then say the max you can do is helping for some of one more mth...

you should not have any remorse...

youre a good friend homey.....

just dont be a push over. trust me i know about putting others before myself.

I agree with the mention re. monthly expenses.  If he is really doing everything he can to cut those and is really working hard at finding a job, that makes it a little easier to consider.  My buddy was lazy...he had limited expenses....I told him to go get a job shlepping coffee or something like that.  ANYTHING to pay the bills.  He finally has. But it took a long time.

Another thing to consider:  If you loan him the money, will he suddenly lose his sense of urgency?

And the first thing I did when I got a "real" job was to put enough money in the bank where I could live easily for a year without unemployment or anything.  Lesson to all the folks out there early in their careers. 

If you do decide to lend him the money I'd get something in writing signed by him saying it was a loan and when it will be payed back. When you take him to small claims court Judge Judy will want to see documentation.

I would also ask the wifey if he agreed to sign a loan repayment document she might be ok with it.

It's a tough spot but I would only lend him what I could get back in small claims court. Sounds harsh but you have to cover your own ass. And if your friend doesn't want to sign that'll let you know how trust worthy he is.

Just my 2 cents. And best of luck.

 

i learned this lesson the hard way...

If you decide to "donate" money to your friend then look forward to losing a friendship you cherish so much in the future. you will constantly be enabling him and this will put a strain on your well being.

You're really not helping him by giving him money. what will happen once your 10k is spent? he will still be unemployed for who knows how long. If you really want to be a friend and help, find him a job. don't help pay off his debts if he hasn't taken the steps to downsize his debts...ie sell/liquidate his assets then what makes you think he is really trying?

instead of keeping the material things that enslaves him, he should get rid of them.



 

I think your friend is a drunk. I think a person who was "let go" was fired and inline for Obama healing - unemployment. I think you are a good person who wanted to donate your bankroll to your friend who is having second thoughts. I think your wife will wonder,upon hearing of your charity, where did kaufee dear get 10k ,why is he giving it to that sob, what other accounts does he have that I don't know about? I think it is very good to plan on having documentation. Do not tell the wife unless you want a new hobby to replace gambling- picking slings/arrows out of your backside.

yo peep dis ill save u 10grand just let him sleep on ur couch till his bumm ass gets a job or let him stay a couple days a week or make him a room in the garage

$2500 rent? Pacific Heights?

....and some huh?.....uuhhhh...i may have done did change my mind on this one k.

this guy needs to understand priorities. downsize...

goodness this cat needs to get a cheap ass place to live, get rid of the ride, get a job, any job, that he could use BART to get to and stop hounding you. yea it sucks hearing a friend in need and in a rough spot, but f*ck this about you pissin your money away for his bullsh*t selfish reasoning to keep his life the same. sh*t, maybe he shud consider bankruptcy.

tell him in a nice way sh*t happens...deal with it. we all do...

he could be calling cc companies and getting a freeze on his accounts for 6 - 12 mths due to hardships without destroying credit.

for food tell him to extra value it for as long as it takes...2 meals a day...thats half the food costs at least.

and pcs metro time or any deal out there for the holidays for a 50 unlimited plan.

goodness does he want his weekly massage too...

not talkin sh*t about your friend but damn sh*t happens. we all deal with it. time will make it better the sooner he wakes up and eats some humble pie.

He needs $5,000 a month to get by.  Tell him to get real.  If he doesn't own a home, then $5000 should last him 4 months.  He better learn to stretch the money.

Kaufee, your loser friend wants $10,000 to get by?  He is living way above his means and thinks he is too good to work a couple of $10/hr jobs.  He should be thankful if you just stocked his refrigerator and pantry with enough food to last him a month. 

Also, hiding this from your wife could have an adverse affect on your marriage, as she will probably not trust you down the road.  If you want to cave in and enable him, let him live a month or 2 with you and the wife and that will almost save him 5K.  And you will not lose any money out of the deal, but he must have some job/jobs within the second month.

Tell him to rent in Oakland.

Then if he picks up an under the table job ... for 10 bucks an hour.

All set.

2500 in rent asking a buddy for 5,000

seriously....your boy has to move out, 2500 for rent?! and he lives by himself?! tell him to take up a room mate or move out and start living within his means.

tell him he can stay with you until he gets his shit together. don't throw your money away

if he's has to start from square one, so be it.

you're trying to stop the leaks in a dam from flooding with a bubble gum, get my drift?