Sacrifice gambling to help a friend

Question

I have a close friend who lost his job several months ago. He is tapped out of savings, maxed out on credit cards and is getting desperate. He called me last night in tears practically begging for a loan. He said he has no money to pay next month's rent or bills. We live in the bay area and the cost of living here is astronomical. As crazy as it sounds, he needs around 4-5 Gs just to get him by for one month.

He's not one of my wife's favorites and she is against us loaning him money. He has a history of cheating on girls (including a friend of hers) and he's a bad drunk. Over the years, these two patterns of behavior have put him on her shit list. We actually got into a big fight about helping him and she's not budging on her stance. But, he's been a good friend of mine for a long time and my conscience is getting the best of me.

I have roughly $10,000 wrapped up in my offshore account (the only account my wife doesn't track). I am thinking about emptying it out and giving it to him with a repayment date of; when he can afford it. This will get him by for a maximum of 2-3 months. He needs to get by for at least 2 months because if/when he does land a job, it'll be another month before he draws his 1st paycheck. He told me that if I lent him the money, he'd start a repayment plan with me as soon as he finds that job. He does have some employment prospects, but nothing concrete yet. So, it could be several months to years before I'm repaid.

I've really been looking forward to the Bowl games and NFL playoffs. Obviously, I am going to have to sacrifice one of my favorite hobbies and selfishly - this is hard for me to do. But honestly, I don't think I'll be able to sleep at night if I don't do this. However, if I know what's best for me, I'll likely have to keep this from the wife. Again, I'll have my conscience working against me - I don't like hiding things from her.

I've got a moral dilemma on my hands and feeling torn on what to do. I'm looking for a little advice....What do you guys think?

Kaufee · Answer

I have a close friend who lost his job several months ago. He is tapped out of savings, maxed out on credit cards and is getting desperate. He called me last night in tears practically begging for a loan. He said he has no money to pay next month's rent or bills. We live in the bay area and the cost of living here is astronomical. As crazy as it sounds, he needs around 4-5 Gs just to get him by for one month.

He's not one of my wife's favorites and she is against us loaning him money. He has a history of cheating on girls (including a friend of hers) and he's a bad drunk. Over the years, these two patterns of behavior have put him on her shit list. We actually got into a big fight about helping him and she's not budging on her stance. But, he's been a good friend of mine for a long time and my conscience is getting the best of me.

I have roughly $10,000 wrapped up in my offshore account (the only account my wife doesn't track). I am thinking about emptying it out and giving it to him with a repayment date of; when he can afford it. This will get him by for a maximum of 2-3 months. He needs to get by for at least 2 months because if/when he does land a job, it'll be another month before he draws his 1st paycheck. He told me that if I lent him the money, he'd start a repayment plan with me as soon as he finds that job. He does have some employment prospects, but nothing concrete yet. So, it could be several months to years before I'm repaid.

I've really been looking forward to the Bowl games and NFL playoffs. Obviously, I am going to have to sacrifice one of my favorite hobbies and selfishly - this is hard for me to do. But honestly, I don't think I'll be able to sleep at night if I don't do this. However, if I know what's best for me, I'll likely have to keep this from the wife. Again, I'll have my conscience working against me - I don't like hiding things from her.

I've got a moral dilemma on my hands and feeling torn on what to do. I'm looking for a little advice....What do you guys think?

ShootDaClubUp · Answer

why dont you just give him the original $5,000 he asked for and keep $5000 to gamble with

wallstreetcappers · Answer

Sticky situation..I would mentally kiss the money goodbye because if he is that far behind, he has so many pending obligations it will take him a year to start making progress and friends come after credit card companies and lenders.

DoubleUp4Life · Answer

I would tell him Mc&#x27;Donalds is always Hiring

JEFFMARKETCAP · Answer

Tough call.  Sad times we are living in.  I would give him half and keep the other half.  10g&#x27;s is a lot of money to loan.

DoubleUp4Life · Answer

no Really 10K is way too much Maybe throw in some 10 Parlays for him and if they hit he is debt free

Kaufee · Answer

He didn&#x27;t ask for any specific dollar amount. We talked about how much he&#xD;&#xA;needs to get by for one month and we landed on 4-5 grand. But, we also concluded that he needs the money to last him a minimum of 2 months. I could give him just half, but he would need to find the other half from someone else.....and he really has limited options

4everyoung · Answer

You will most likely not be lending him the money,you will be giving it to him. When you "lend" a friend money,make sure you go into it thinking you are giving him a gift so that if/when you don't get paid back on time,it doesn't ruin the friendship. Also if you choose to give him the money,make sure you tell your wife. There should be nothing that you can't tell your wife if you have a good marriage and don't want to feel guilty for helping a good friend. GL

Kaufee · Answer

10K is a lot money, I know. And WallStreet is right, I would have to mentally kiss it goodbye for the immediate future. I really wouldn't expect him to pay me back for awhile.

But, I should note that his experience is sales/marketing and that's what he's looking to get back into. In the past he has done quite well. So, the potential to make a good salary and pay me back quicker is there.

MonkeyBallz · Answer

i believe in karma so you doing a good deed will only lead to big and better things for you in your future. help the brother out. if you were in his situation you would like someone to help you out. if you can afford to lend him the money do it.

standuley · Answer

Tough decision, cant make a call bc im not in ur shoes

tep · Answer

Sounds shitty but he may need to hit bottom to get his act together again. I have lent people money not to see it or them again. In some cases a small price to pay to get ride of some "friends". Remember money ruins friendships and by the sounds it could be touchy with the wife.

By giving him the money you may just be prolonging the inevitable. Not like he has any prospects for work in the near future,right? What happens next month?

Tough spot because most people want to help others but he may different help. (finding a job)

GL

2169 · Answer

If you decide to lend him the money, just be prepared. Make sure that you understand that it is highly likely that you will never see that money again.

However, it is ok to say NO. Understand that your friend cannot hate you because you were not able to help him out.

drJ · Answer

I would not do it and i am a very generous kind fellow. Nothing good will come of it and how he got here will continue. Your wife is correct and your marriage is far more critical.
A lot of you wants to be a good friend. You are literally doing him no favors by handing over your money for him to piss away. Furthermore, your wife may some day find out and she will be PISSED.

FrozenTundra · Answer

Be real with yourself.If you want to give him 10k, know you&#x27;re not getting it back.Saying I&#x27;ve heard in my life:"They will kiss your hand to borrow money, but to be paid back, you will have to kiss their ass."You are not loaning the money, it&#x27;s a gift...or, take collateral.

gold6185 · Answer

Give him $1500 &amp; tell him that&#x27;s all you&#x27;re able to spare at this time. If he whines that it&#x27;s not enough-you tell him to take it or leave it.  You&#x27;ve helped your friend the best you can. Any money you give him-you&#x27;re never gonna see again.Do NOT give him 5g&#x27;s. Good luck.

CapAmsShield · Answer

give him 2-3 k now to start searching for a job.... and if he lands one, and still needs money, give him more; make him show you he is responsible...

Messier-11 · Answer

throw in a 1000 bucks into a few parlays this weekend and hope u hit a lucky one for him. if that doesn&#x27;t work at least you tried. maybe toss him a few k if you can&#x27;t win him the loot. If he&#x27;s not a hermit he can probably scrape up a few k from other people he&#x27;s close to. good luck

LeafsNeedD · Answer

He either hits bottom this month and you have all your money or he hits bottom in a month or 2 and you&#x27;re out 5-10k.

wizardofroz · Answer

Kaufee, I think it would be FOOLISH to loan your friend the money, as he will most likely not pay it back. Let him dig himself out of this mess he created by working multiple jobs, even if they are barely above minimum wage.

I know someone who is in a very similar situation as your friend, and I will almost guarantee that as soon as you hand him any charity, he will quickly gamble it away. And maxing out credit cards and cheating with other women means you have a friend with little to no character.

Listen to your wife, as she is giving you some VERY wise advice. The best thing you can do for your friend is be honest with him, and give him pointers on how to get rid of this mess he has created. But tell him you won't be giving him any money, and see what his reaction is. I bet he will eventually throw a tantrum and cuss you out for not giving in to his immature ways.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

slikstiks99 · Answer

Let him stay in the guest room and give him a bit of loot for gas in the tank,

Skipbone · Answer

Does he know you have that much?If he does, then kiss the friendship good-bye either way.

ocd · Answer

crazy how everyone has given solid advice...no matter what it doesnt sound like any way will end correctly with your conscience.

unless 10k is peanuts for you then you must think about your own life scenarios. a.k.a. the wifey and fam and drama. all your "what if" moments that may happen as soon as that money is given away never to return and then you need it...

its his life and his money problems. tough luv but true...

....silk hit it best, offer what you can as much as you can without your real money being involved....

wjeremy97 · Answer

give him 5k and don&#x27;t expect it back.

smac38 · Answer

I think its great that you&#x27;d even consider it, and he&#x27;s lucky to have you as a friend, but everyone above makes good points. Also, he lost his job several months ago, and is still spending 5k/month on expenses? 1)he needed to change his lifestyle the second he lost his job2)if he&#x27;s spending that much per month, I&#x27;m guessing he made decent coin, yet he didn&#x27;t have much saved in case of a disaster?3)as we all know, this job market sucks, so realistically that money is gone for a whileJust my 2 cents.

Sacrifice gambling to help a friend

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