It is very good you are able to recognize you have a problem and stopped. As another poster mentioned, 20,000 really is not a lot of money, and with hard work you can take 2 jobs and make that in 4-6 months doing basic work.
You sweat games because you are betting money you do not have. This is a cardinal error. You need to practice bankroll management by betting amounts that do not phase you financially and in turn psychologically damage you.
Never check the scores. All that matters is the end result that was specifically derived close to your handicapping model. I know of many people in your boat. It is always the stress of losing money you don't have, you borrowed, or stole that causes the downfall.
You don't have to give up something you love. Here is some advice. 10 points to help you and others.
1. Quit for good now, not even betting $5 with a friend for "fun". Zero action.
2. Write out all the money you owe people and or credit cards, loans, everything. Start from lowest amount to the highest.
3. Pay off all the smaller debts first and work your way up to the large ones. Once you start knocking out debts you will have less stress and more motivation. You will start to rebuild and feel better. Even if its $20. Pay it off and apologize to anybody you have not payed back when you said you would.
4. One day, after you have paid off everything, work harder and now begin saving for your bankroll. The minimum you should bet is $100 per play on singles. Have $5,000 saved and you will have 50 units. Continue to work your day/night job and put in 2-3 hours a day handicapping games. Bet any play you believe is good value. No parlays, no big all in bets, no 5 unit plays, just 1 unit, $100.
5. If you can generate $1000 profit per month, +10.0 units, and not cheat yourself once by increasing your bet, or parlays, or checking scores in games that induce tilt and invite you to chase, then you are on the right track. Aim to bet 25 plays a week and earn +2.5 units profit per week.
6. Record every play, every dollar you bet and record WHY you won or lost. You must win games the way your model predicted, not just dumb luck. Conversely, record why you lost. Filter out variables and results to determine what is important. I will give you 3 variables to start.
7. Focus on defense, team energy, and motivation. You cannot pull these variables out except defense. You will have to read, and study the local beat reporters, watch footage of the teams post game interviews, read twitter, gather any information to give you a good sense a team WANTS this win. You cannot tell me a player has the same motivation he does on a Tuesday in Memphis vs. a Saturday night in LA. Find the motivation. Watch for travel and how hard teams played their previous opponents in the week. This is your edge. All sports models are built on statistics that the LVSCG (Las Vegas Sports Consulting Group) makes for the lines. Make your own variables and edge by introducing variables you quantify on your own that they don't use in their algorithms.
8. Never stop learning and always create goals and motivate yourself. Make a list of your life goals, small to large as well and knock them out and give yourself joy and happiness in life.
9. Don't ever let anybody put you down. We all screw up. Own it and don't repeat the mistakes. Learn from it and keep leaning into the hill.
10. If you tried and failed again, then be honest with yourself and find a job you enjoy doing without the mental stress. Stress is a life killer. It destroys your body inside and out. If you can't overcome your mistakes, put yourself in a different position to succeed.
Best of luck,
Christopher
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