I need help. I have no energy and dont care about life

Im NOT suicidal but I have no energy or care about anything but my xbox and my pre recorded tv shows. After I lost my Dad I knew it would be hard but I never imagined this hard. Part of it is because a month before my dad died I lost my job. Basically I raised my route average 48% which was unheard of im the industry but the next year I couldnt keep up with my own numbers. They started picking on me and my route. I couldnt do anything right according to them. The shit they were seeing that weas wrong was stuff everybody was doing. Just not getting caught. So they fired me after a manager at a Pathmark kicked me out because I left two bags of stale product on the shelf. Basically she didnt like the fact I have Tourettes and waited for a reason to kick me out and Yes I have been told my two other employees that thats why she didnt like me.

With that I blame my Dad dying. I couldnt keep my mind on work or anything else other than my Dad dying b4 my eyes. Now all I do is play XBOX and watch TV. Im barely even on the PC anymore. I have NO motivation to do anything. I JUST DONT FEEL LIKE IT.

Im in a major rut. When I look for a job I dont look all that hard. I should be faxing and mailing resumes, but I dont feel like it. I need a job but im making damn good money on unemployment. With the new manager at my old job they tell me I wouldnt be making what im making on unemployment. Anyway what am I going to do. My wife keeps telling me my Dad wouldnt want me to be this way and she is 1,999% right. He would kick the shit outta me if he knew I was hurting this much. All I do is think about how he suffered and how he knew he was dying. I loved him so much and Ill never forget you guys for all  your support. But now I need advice.

WTF am I going to do when it takes me all my might to get off the couch. I bring my wife to work come home and go back to sleep. She got a DWI the day after I buried my dad. Great huh. Another notch in my depression. Well I go back to sleep until like 10 then I play XBOX until 1 then go for a walk with my dog. Go home until 3 then pick my wife up and watch tv until I take sleeping pills to fall asleep. Then do the same thing over again.

What am I going to do. This isnt healthy. I get five calls a day asking me to go out and do something or go to the beach or take a hike. I just dont feel like it. I feel like im going to lose my friends and my wife If I dont get my shit together.

Help! any advice? anyone been in a rut like this? I have been monitering a baseball system for two months and its hitting at a 71% clip but I dont FEEL lIKE posting it on covers because im not in the fucking mood. I just dont know what to do.

sorry about your Dad, hang in there Sir- day by day things will get better, have to keep that mind strong tho - best of luck to you

You're not the first person to feel this way especially after losing a parent and then having a string of bad luck to boot. But the period of mourning has to come to an end. Not only for your own sanity but more so for your wife and family. You said it yourself - you have alot to lose. Get off that couch and find another job. Use this as an opportunity to maybe take your career in a different direction. But, start by doing something nice for your wife. Sounds like she's had to put up with alot.

Stay positive..dont go to the darkside. Easier said than done, but it works wonders.  Atleast u have a loving wife.  Be grateful for the things you do have rather than the things you dont. You will attract more opportunities if your in the right frame of mind.

Give something to someone. With all this free time on your hands, you could volunteer at a homeless shelter, a food pantry, a church ministry, youth sports leagues, a nursing home... the list goes on.

This will get you out of the house for at least one day a week and will begin to make you feel like you are contributing to society once again.

Nothing makes me feel better inside than lifting someone else up. It's easier and more rewarding than you think. You are also likely to meet new acquaintances who may steer you down a new path of permanent employment that you never imagined you'd be involved in.

Get out, get involved and help someone else. Eventually you'll see that it is you who gets helped the most.

Best Wishes for now and the future.

You have a family and obligations.

If nothing else motivates you, think about those who count on you and depend on you.

If that does not work, remember times when you had that motivation and slowly try to work back towards those types of behaviors.

Try exercise, getting rid of the X-Box immediately is a good start.

Raging: sounds like you are suffering from major depression. Unless you have really been there, it is impossible to describe to someone how depression feels. You've gone through a lot recently. There is no shame in going to see a doctor to ask about anti-depressants. They work for most people, some guys here will disagree. Talking about things with a counselor may help as well. But you really should get checked by a doctor, as soon as possible.

Hope things get better for you, man

Get well raging.  For starters, I'd start playing that baseball system instead of looking for work

Do you like football? It's only 50 more days my friend! If you do then it will make you motivated!

Nothing makes me more excited and enthusiastic about life than the NFL!!!

Been in a serious depressed state of mind before then football comes and all i can think about is Sunday to Sunday!

Hope your life turns around!

Keep ya head up!

Get help and feel no shame in it!  I have been there and still struggle.  Getting help is the best option to start with now.  After you can slowly go back to the things you love or had passion for.  Explain your situation to your wife and close family and close friends if you trust them.  You can get through this man. 

"Never, Never, Never Give Up." Winston Churchill

Going to talk to someone is actually a good idea.

Talking will help. Take care storm...

I'm pretty much in the same boat, so I know what you're are going through in a way.  I got a DWI a couple months back and have been dealing with the stress of that, and because of that my job performance slipped.  Because my job performance slipped, I made less money, because I'm making less money my bills aren't getting paid and so on and so forth.

It's always a lot easier to do nothing than it is to do something.  But I try and wake up each day and find one thing to accomplish.  Big, small, something in the middle it doesn't matter.  Just write it down the day before or night before and get it done.  Try this for a week, then move to two things to get done a day.  Slowly and surely you will get back in the groove.

As I'm sure you've noticed RS, once you get into a slump and stop doing things it's a snowball effect and you keep on doing it, sleep longer into the day, wake up tired, lay around all day again, sleep all day again, etc...

..if you stay on unemployment you have to find something to do during the day.  Find something that you WANT to do.  Ride a bike!  Who doesn't like riding a bike??  Maybe you'll get out on a sunny day and realize how beautiful the world can still be if you start looking from a different perspective.  Not everything costs money either... maybe you could find something to volunteer for that you won't mind doing it and it will help your resume at the same time.  Someone may have to decide between you and another person who is unemployed right now for a great job -- showing them that you stayed busy and used your time well might really make you stand out and get you a better job than you had before.

Hang in there!  Things will only get better.

One change at a time

Everybody goes through this in their lifetime.... it is a part of life that we must endure..Having no job and having no Money...I've been through it before..It's never easy but you have to suck it up .. I know you can get through it..You have a Wife to support , that should keep you motivated...Take Care  

I am a psychologist and think you need to go to a psychiatrist for some antidepressants.  They will lift your mood, improve your motivation and energy, decrease the amount of sleep, and many other things.

Meds are not the only answer though.  You should start talking to therapist to help you deal with this situation.  You should think of the meds as crutches for a knee surgery.  They will help you get around but you need rehab to make things better.

YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY WILL BE THERE FOR YOU EVEN IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN THE BEST PERSON IN THE LAST FEW MONTHS.

ragingstorm,

I have respected your posts and honesty in the past...  You are a "covers brother"

I have along history of being a therapist and specifically working with people with gambling issues and the unique strengths and traits that we possess..

Let me tell you some things and hopefully it will help.

1.  It sounds like you are going through some normal grief/loss things with the passing of your father...   The problem is as gamblers we experience life/death differently, so it often takes us more time (or never heal) in ways that normal people seem to "bounce back" or just "get over it"...

Grief/loss gets better with time...

2.  Depression however gets worse when untreated...  when you talk about being in a rut and not having motivation that sounds more like depression that wont just go away... I would recommend seeing a counselor or looking at medications... I only say meds because I am guessing that you might already be taking a psychotropic medication for your tourettes that may or may not be affecting your mood, either way getting it checked out wouldnt hurt...

3.  I can relate with being laid off and how difficult it is...  I can also tell you that for gamblers issues of success/failure and winning/losing has a far deeper and sensitive meaning to us than a normal person.  Especially when it relates to money like jobs do.  Your being laid off is not a reflection of who you are as a person (although it feels that way). 

When we mess up with gambling or go on a losing streak, we beat ourselves up with vicious negative self talk (because it is all our fault right?  because we are a failure/stupid).  So when life gives a streak like this, we attribute it to who we are and that it is our fault or we deserve it because we have become so shame=based in our thinking...

4.  Shame/Guilt

Your wife cares about you and was trying to help you, but I am guessing she is not a gambler...  what she said is great, in fact it is something that therapists often use...  the problem with gamblers is that we are not motivated by "what you father wanted", in fact the shame and guilt of not feeling "good enough" results in us becoming crystallized and stuck in shame...  That might be a part of your rut, is that feeling of not being good enough and the pain of that along with all your issues renders you "crystallized" ( I often tell my patients to think about han solo being frozen in carbonite, thats what this does with our life and emotions as gamblers)

So how do you get better?

I am not going tov give a come to jesus talk and higher power where I tell you to go to church or GA (gamblers anonymous).  Instead here are the things I would recommend.

1.  Addressing your compulsive behaviors

Your internet, tv, xbox, gambling, substances etc. is the vehicle that you are using to avoid the pain that is overwhelming...  The problem is that these things are not working as well in coping and have gone from an impulsive choice and developed into a compulsive lifestyle.  These behaviors further isolate you and probably are effecting your healing...

Try this, choose one and take a break...  put your xbox in the closet for 60 days....  you can play all you want in 60 days, but just for now give it a break, this should free some time and energy up for you to make some choices...  You can pick which ever one you want and remember you are not quitting, only taking a break until things get better.

2.  Exercise

There was a study done on gamblers that looked at their being successful in being abstinent from gambling over a year that the thing that was found most commonly in the study that was more then GA, more then therapy or anything else you could do was regular exercise.  The theory behind this is that gamblers need "action" and the brain/body chemicals released in exercise gives the gambler what they need in their chemistry. 

This could be gong to the gym, but this could also be just going for 30 min walk daily...  you will also feel better and more productive afterward, so dont base this on your motivation or how you feel before...

Productivity

For gamblers we are often all or nothing people. This is a part of getting stuck. but this is why we can step and save the day in crisis like no other...  this is also why were are so impatient and procrastinators (but thats another session. lol)

When I worked with people that had serious psychotic breaks in their recovery in getting back to life and world, I would tell them to try and do one thing a day...  even if it is 11:30pm and you have done nothing, you still have time to do something...

but this can be as simple as mailing something, working on your resume (even i you dont send it), going for a walk like I said before, figuring out which gym you are going and get the address and phone number ready to when you go later...

The problem is that as all or nothing people we either believe that we need to attack something head on with 100% effort and guarantee of success or we d nothing...  small steps, and recognize your small steps of progress every step counts...

Hope this is helpful...  I have worked with people in your situation, but unlike most therapist, I know and understand how to treat us gamblers who usually get fucked over by tradition methods of therapy...

dl36

Definitely a doctor visit to get some anti-depressants. You've suffered a major loss that's unfortunately a very sad part of life. Some medication will ease your burden to get you back to some life of normalcy and motivation again and you need to exercise. Treadmill, brisk walk, something to get your blood flowing. I lost my Dad suddenly and know what you're going through. You must rise above this, your Dad wouldn't want it any other way.

 I to have felt this way......speaking with a proffesional definitly helps

There are times when we need help to overcome our problems. This is one of them. I guess a psychologist would have encountered many such cases and she would be in a position to help you.

I actually had a very similar situation about 18 months ago. I was so down I literally didn't get out of my bed except to use the bathroom for 72 hours. 

I'm sure most of us who gamble and have had a "major" loss when it comes to family and work, feel the same way you do. ALL of the comments on your posts are good ones, i'll just add this...

If you keep doing the same things in life day after day... you will keep getting the same results... CHANGE THINGS UP! EVERYTHING in your life... if you get out of bed on the right side... start getting out on the left, brush your teeth with your right hand, start with your left now... don't eat breakfast, start! HATE being around other people... go out of your way to meet people and share your feelings, do things good for others... what i'm trying to say is... just do the complete opposite of everything your now doing... change is the only way, if not, you will keep getting the same results and feeling the same way.

Good luck to you