Advice

Bud, 95% of the time people are who they are, changing sometimes happens but it's not like she's ever gonna turn into a lean and mean freak in the bed. She's a big girl with good motherly qualities and she takes care of you in many ways but not sexually.

I agree with most of the responses on here.

Sex is indeed an important part of a relationship. No way in hell a marriage can make it if you arent attracted to your wife and the sex is bad. It just wont work. And if it does work, it will be because you are ok with making yourself miserable. Odds are, you will cheat on her someday and that would be a lot worse (if she found out) than the pain she will feel if and when you break up with her.

My advice: Start setting the conditions for the breakup before you do it. Find a place to live, get a quick exit plan in place since you live in her home. Make it so that once you cut it off, you can exit the premises within 12 hours. Tell her you are more than willing to remain friends but you guys just are not compatible as a couple. She will cry and all of that but this won't be the hardest thing you do in your entire life. Just man up and push through...you'll be fine.

Upon completion, start scouring the area for something new. There is a ton out there...odds are after your first or second randon fuck (wear protection), you will feel better about it. You'll also probably eventually miss the way she took care of you like a mother would. Start getting used to taking care of yourself. If you go crawling back to her after the breakup, you are royally fucked. She will act like she's doing you a favor and you'll be jerking off the rest of your life.

Between Irish an gifish's responses you have a freakin gameplan on how to attack this situation. You two should get together and write a book on the subject. Nice work.

i like how all big chicks have a pretty face.  i used that excuse to my buddies all the time after banging a fatty, "well,  at least she had a pretty face"

She seems like the kinda girl that will prolly just regain all the weight she lost if she was ever able to lose it.  So you prolly have no choice but to hit the eject button and save yourself.  I agree with Irish08, EXIT PLAN is key.  I'd go one further and have another girl on deck in the waiting before you ditch that sinking ship.  If you're a complete dick, then maybe you have an exit plan set up first, then start cheating on your girl every chance you get.  Go ahead and get bold, don't worry too much about getting caught cause you want out regardless and your exit plan is in place.  Might as well throw in some ultimatums to have her lose that wait and see if she looks good enough to be your girl.  Jeezus ... I feel bad typing all this but this is just one option for you.

***have her lose that weight and see if she .... *** oops!!

Be prepared for her to drop the excess weight when/if you break up with her. It's not fair but its just how it goes.

This girl sounds like the perfect girl save the sex aspect. I wouldn't throw that away, but that's just me, I think reasonable minds can differ. That being said, you have 95% of what you want and are contemplating throwing it away for the 5% that you don't have. What happens when you find a girl that blows your mind sexually (the 5%) but is terrible with everything else (the 95%)?

It all depends on what priority you place on your sexual life with her. If you're 30, you've been around the block probably and had the chance to sow some wild oats.

On a side note --  I can't believe you told her you are unhappy with her body and her weight. That destroys a girl's confidence. It's not really a surprise that she is not that sexually adventurous with you -- she already knows you don't find her attractive. How is she supposed to find herself attractive and have confidence to try new things? While you are having sex, all she will be thinking about is how you aren't attracted to her. That bodes poorly for long term relationship health. You need to tell her that you love her and that you won't respond to or be making any negative comments about her own body image. Get her confidence up, work out with her, and everything will improve with time in my mind.

"Now the bad part, shes not thin, around 200 lbs, and 5'7" she was a thick girl when we started dating which I like, but shes gained weight since then and I've been telling her thats an issue with me for about 2 years now.  She goes to the gym and tries to lose it but it doesn't happen.  Shes still got a pretty face, but I just cant look past the body anymore. 

Our sex life is terrible, probably the worst girl I've been with as far as that goes,  just doesn't have a clue what shes doing, zero sexuality about her and never once have I EVER gotten a blowjob from her.  She'll give me head, but before sex, never just out of the blue and never to completion. 

I have spoken to her dozens of times about all these issues, and nothing seems to work, she never changes anything, and isnt losing any weight.  Its like living with my mother, have everything done for me but don't have any sex."

How have you been bringing this up with her amp? Therein lies the complicated part. It's all about the communicative approach. If you do it the wrong way, then its not surprising to me that she goes into her shell sexually.

How was the sex before you started making these comments about her body and her weight?

Also, if this girl is as great as you make her out to be (and as devoted to you as she sounds), then the fact that she doesn't know what she is doing in bed shouldn't be a bad thing in my mind -- hell, at least she doesn't have bad habits. What it does give you is a tabula rosa -- you can mold her sexually however it suits your desires. Its all about communication of those desires. As a hint, starting it off with making negative comments about her weight is not going to help. 

Have you ever thought that the reason she has zero sexuality about her is because you are making negative comments about her body?

kap is spittin some good knowledge....

Tough spot, if I were you I would definitely start looking for a side piece and then break up with her once u find another one.

Has she ever had an orgasm?  If not, figure out a way to give her one. Most guys like to stick it in and pound away.  Most gals don't like that. Make it about her.  And ditch the porn thing.  If she's that frigid, that is NOT going to change things.  It will make things worse.  

throw the bitch down on the bed and eat her puss like there is no tomorrow, use the two finger squirter technique while licking her clit, she will squeal like never before and this will open up her sexuality, hence getting you a bj and getting her to actually enjoy it

 

Kap has hit it on the head I think. Like he said...95% of her is great but the other 5% percent sucks. Shit, most of us can't even find a gal that is 51% great...much less 95%, in my mind you should count your blessings. 

or you can 69'er and let her be on top, wrap your arms around her legs so she can't move her face away from your crotch, if you can lick some puss good enough you should be getting bj's frequently, i try and get one a day but i always get a minimum of 3 a week

 

Good luck with it.

While Kap's advice is sound unlike mine, I'd have to strongly disagree that sex is only 5% of the equation.  If you're 60 plus years of age, then I'd agree.  But Amp is 30 years old, That is too young to settle for a gal that he finds unattractive to the point where it affects his sex life.  What does this poor soul have to look forward to then?  I'd say at very freaking minimum, a 30 year old sex life gotta be around the 1/3 or 33% range.  While a hot ass girl providing great sex ONLY may not last very long, dating a 200 plus lb heavy sweatin' whale prolly won't last long either.  Amp, you're not married, I assume you have no kids with her so if there's a time you can slip out the back door it's now brutha.  And if you're dead set on leaving this girl, all I'm saying is have an exit strategy and you'll be fine. 

Amp, pictures ... need to see one.  Block out her eyes and disclose. 

Look, according to what amp has said and described, this girl is head over heels for him and treats him the right way in every single area of their life except for the fact that she is not currently meeting amp's sexual standards. Not to say that sex isn't an important part of the relationship -- it obviously is -- but if this girl is a home run in all other areas, why throw this away instead of working on the one area where she can't get a bunt single down? (end sports analogies)

There's a reason that the saying "the grass is always greener on the other side" is a famous saying. You've got an A and you are looking for an A+. Don't throw away the A, just work on getting that A up to an A+ rather than starting on the ground floor and maybe being lucky to find a C out in the wild.

"While Kap's advice is sound unlike mine, I'd have to strongly disagree that sex is only 5% of the equation.  If you're 60 plus years of age, then I'd agree.  But Amp is 30 years old, That is too young to settle for a gal that he finds unattractive to the point where it affects his sex life.  What does this poor soul have to look forward to then?  I'd say at very freaking minimum, a 30 year old sex life gotta be around the 1/3 or 33% range.  While a hot ass girl providing great sex ONLY may not last very long, dating a 200 plus lb heavy sweatin' whale prolly won't last long either.  Amp, you're not married, I assume you have no kids with her so if there's a time you can slip out the back door it's now brutha.  And if you're dead set on leaving this girl, all I'm saying is have an exit strategy and you'll be fine. "

Let's look at why he finds this girl unattractive physically though -- it's only her weight as he describes it. He admits that she was a little thick at the beginning of their relationship, so its not like he started dating a twig and she has put on 70+ pounds since they started dating. So we know that amp can be attracted to girls with a little meat on their bones -- no problem with that, lots of guys fall in that category. But if his main complaint is that she is not as fit right now as she was when they met... well, that's something that if amp plays his cards right he can totally counteract, but its all in how you play those cards. Telling her that you don't find her attractive, that she is overweight, etc. is 100% the WRONG way to play the cards if your goal is to get her to drop some weight.

Ultimately it all goes back to her own internal sense of self-confidence if you ask me. She wants affirmation from amp, not to be cut down. And if amp has been telling her for two years essentially that she is fat (he may not be saying exactly that, but I guarantee that is what his wife is HEARING -- big difference), then are we really surprised that she is not sexually adventurous or willing to try new things? She's too freaking insecure with how she looks!

The key to a woman is the mind. Learn how to operate her mind and you can get anything you want -- you just gotta be smart about it.

"OK sex and an awesome gal trumps great sex and a pain in the ass.  EVERY day.  My gal isn't a sex pot, but she has her days.....and she is 10+ as a person.  I will never complain. 

or you can 69'er and let her be on top, wrap your arms around her legs so she can't move her face away from your crotch

IMO, a chick can't be an A if she is 5'7, 200 pounds and doesn't give head.