Advice

This is a very good thread...nice solid points by Kap. What are you leaning towards Amp?

Well I'm just going off the information that Amp is providing.  I can't assume Amp lacks communication skills with his girl.  Maybe she lacks confidence, maybe she doesn't understand how her weight really affects Amp, maybe this girl can turn this around and drop some weight, there's a ton of maybes ... I guess what I'm trying to say is there are options ... maybe not the morally correct option ... but an exit plan, finding another girl and placing her deck, maybe some random cheating while he's still dating chubby girl is not such a bad plan b.  He's not married to her and has no kids (assuming).  This is when it's easy to bail.  Miss Chubby is not the only girl with a great personality, etc, etc, etc.  I bet there are average girls with these kinda characteristics. 

Had a very similar situation with a girl I broke up with 4 years ago. She has never moved on or dated since, she has hooked up with one guy. She is worse looking now than then (and she was bad at the end) and is just an emotional wreck (which she was before).

She was 110 pounds when we started dating and prolly 185-200 when we stopped.

Bottom line, she would have married me, never cheated, been a good mother to kids, cooked, cleaned and let me go out with the guys whenever I wanted but after a while the lack of sex, attraction, just chipped away at me like a constant itch I couldn't scratch.

I hung one 6 months to a year longer than I shouldve. I was already gone emotionally 6 months to a year b4 we broke up and that isn't far to her or yourself.

I moved on and am in a better spot all the way around. It's ok to recognize that while somebody has a ton of great qualities, they have a few you simply cannot deal with. My only regret really is being sad that she hasn't found anyone else, but there is nothing I can do about that.

My .02  Amp is 30 when I was 30 for the only time in my life I was seriously considering marriage. I had a serious GF and there even seemed to be forces in this culture that direct you to take this next step. This dream girl isn't wifey? I think even I know the answer.

Wow, some good responses on here, to answer some of the questions...

I have been bringing this up for a while now, 2+ years. I actually broke up with her twice before because of this, and both times she came back crying to me telling me she was going to change and shes been stressed out, trust her, give her another chance, blah blah blah. I took her back both times, becuase I really do want this to work. I have told her recently that I just can't put up with it anymore and I'm thinking of leavnig for good. So she knows exactly how I feel.

I said she was a little thick when we first started dating, and I don't mind thick girls if they are in some kind of shape, or tanned so they have a little to offer.  She was right at the edge of my limit for weight when we started dating, but she was just so awesome I figured Id see how it went, now she has moved way past that limit.

 

you don't sound ready to throw the baby out with the bathwater. You stuck around four years and you aren't really complaining,,,,if she still holds your attention after four goddam years, i'd consider getting her healthy. I was always a big guy, and after getting smashed up in a bad car accident, i got bigger. I was approaching 300 and 30 years old at the same time, and knew i had to change something. If you've never been fat, let me tell you, it will wear on your sex drive. Either way, you sound like you care about her enough to help her get healthy regardless whether you stick around or not. I'd wager if you got her losing weight, she'd start feeling better about herself, and the positive feedback loop will get both of you horned up and happier

So the place to start is bettering your information. You DON'T LOSE WEIGHT IN THE GYM. It's all about diet and nutrition. ALL OF IT. If you or her cares enough and are intelligent enough to read a book, go out and buy Why We Get Fat and What to Do About it, by Gary Taubes. It's as easy a read as you come across, and it will make it all click so you can understand how to solve her problem. My advice, buy it without telling her, read it, and then tell her that you want her to get healthy and here is how she can do it. You say she likes to cook, eat the healthy way with her, it can only benefit you. bacon and eggs for breakfast, fat steaks and salads for supper, who would turn that down?

Only you know whether or not you want to stick it out with this gal. Either way, if you care about her you can at least try and help her get her health in order.  Who knows, maybe she regains her form and feels like she owes you for helping her, and then you are reaping the residual dividends for time to come

That is 100% how I am feeling with her

you can borrow the book from me if you'd like

The thing is I've tried all the things you are saying, I've done p90x and tried to get her to do it with me, along with the meal plan.  She claimed it was too hard for her and shes gonna go take zumba/other classes at the gym instead, rather than working at it.  The meal plan was too expensive and hard to prepare all the time.  I offered to help in any way I could, all I get from her is excuses rather than solutions

Sounds like quite the conundrum.....

If you don't mind her appearance that much, don't let that be the deal breaker.....but no BJs for 4 years?!?!?!   That's pretty awful.


I guess ask yourself this.....if she asked you to marry her with a gun to your head tomorrow....what would your first response be?  If "yes" actually has some merit, than sounds like you at least could picture it happening.  If your first thought is "Fuck no" then you should prob end it sooner than later. 

well, like i said, as a former fat boy, all those gimmicks don't work. Ditch the exercise altogether, if you are prone to putting on that much fat, exercise is more likely to make you fatter then it is to make her burn off fat, because exercising leaves you feeling that much hungrier. She's not fat because of lack of exercise, she's fat because she is insulin resistant and she eats too much sugars

the food n fitness forum has some good threads about it, sharpaction and club dirt have many good posts on the matter. I lost 45 lbs in 100 days by cutting out all sugar drinks, and walking. That's a pretty simple change for someone that is serious about wanting to get healthy. Drink only water, all the time, and walk 2-3-4 miles a day, whatever you can do comfortably. If she's really serious, axe all carbohydrates completely. It might sound like a gimmick, and some people might even claim that it doesn't work for them, but after being into it for about a year, i've heard story after story of fat people getting all the way healthy ditching sugars (and breads/grains)

ill send you the book if you want to read it for free. you just have to promise to actually read it and pay the return shipping. You could read it in one night, it didn't even take me ten hours

fuck a meal plan. bacon and eggs every day for breakfast, and steak and salad for supper. It might cost a couple extra bucks compared to continuing to poison herself with whatever crap she eats now that is ballooning her into blimp-o-sphere, but you can't tell me it's not worth it?

i love helping people out with this shit, it's a whole new world once you are armed with the proper information. like i said, i've been at it a year so i have a handful of recipes. And i'm a bigtime foodie at heart,,,,,i think i eat better tasting food now, then i did a year ago. My mouth is watering now,,,,,spaghetti squash and meatballs cooking as we speak

smart thread.......a lot of good posts

Lol, I can see this happening too.  Make a good effort to get you and her into a healthier lifestyle before you make any hasty decisions.  Can you imagine how hard you'll be kicking yourself if this happened in two years, and you were single and pissed b/c all the broads you met after her were fucking retards? 

To me, it sounds like you are already checking out.  I'm hearing a lot of push-back to the people telling you to give it a chance and to work with her.  You have to find different ways to motivate her, lead by example, or do all the damn grocery shopping yourself.  Do something other than putting her down, and telling her to go to the gym.  You don't want to possibly lose one of the great ones.

  I'm hearing a lot of push-back to the people telling you to give it a chance and to work with her.

it seems the summer dry heat is getting to our collective heads. The guy comes in here talking about his 200lb girlfriend and everyone is all friendly telling him to stay and fix her

every last lazy one of us hears that she cooks and cleans for him like mom used to and got all envious. no bjs and no physical attraction and she's a dead lay,,,,,"you have a winner, better stick with her. Buy her a ring"

us

Fattest woman in the world, 642 lbs, just lost 99 lbs having sex ...7 times a day. Her husband weighs only 140 lbs....what a hero.

More sex and more salads, everyone wins. 

Not a chance that the fattest woman in the world is only 642 lbs. BUT thats a pretty hilarious post 

"Do something other than putting her down, and telling her to go to the gym.  You don't want to possibly lose one of the great ones."

Well said. Women's psyches are delicate things. Handle them with care. But when you learn to handle them, the world is at your disposal.

Amp, I'm still amazed she hasn't given you a proper blow job after 4 years.  She can be 200 plus pounds, no self confidence, etc etc etc but she can certainly blow her man from time to time.  I think if she simply went down on you couple times a week, you wouldn't feel so miserable.  I think this issue is independent of her weight.  I'd approach this subject rather directly.  Maybe she doesn't like the taste of juice or doesn't want to swallow ... who knows ... but I think you're entitled to find out what the deal is and get that part of your sex life straighten out.

Amp, I'm still amazed she hasn't given you a proper blow job after 4 years.  She can be 200 plus pounds, no self confidence, etc etc etc but she can certainly blow her man from time to time.  I think if she simply went down on you couple times a week, you wouldn't feel so miserable.  I think this issue is independent of her weight.  I'd approach this subject rather directly.  Maybe she doesn't like the taste of juice or doesn't want to swallow ... who knows ... but I think you're entitled to find out what the deal is and get that part of your sex life straighten out.

She is worse looking now than then (and she was bad at the end)

I know some girls that put on weight to avoid sex ,like armor, has this babe ever hungered for the dick?