Here are my picks for the week...trying like heck to get into the plus column for the season. Like a dope I'm going with all favorites but they look ready to cover! Pick is in the left column, home team in CAPS. Which ones do you like?
Kent state -10.5 SACRAMENTO STATE
smu -10 SYRACUSE
illinois -3 MARYLAND
GEORGIA -10.5 florida
NORTH DAKOTA STATE -27.5 utep
UCLA -22.5 nevada
missouri -10 ARKANSAS
Kent state -10.5 SACRAMENTO STATE
I grabbed my wallet, unbuttoned my trousers, and laid every red cent on the Kent State Golden Flashes (-10.5).
The Kent State Golden Flashes are about to provide a full-blown, steamy Golden Shower all over Sacrificial Lamb State. The capital of California hasn’t witnessed such a foul, rotting, stench-filled horror show of a football team since the dreadful movie When the Game Stands Tall (2014). Man, that movie was pure ass, but this Sac State team is somehow worse.
These bug-bitten Hornets play football like they chugged a rusty can of Raid every single time they crawl out onto the gridiron. They are sitting on a miserable 0-7 skid against FBS competition, whimpering out a pathetic, limp 10 points per game in those contests. Calling their offense impotent is an insult to blue pills everywhere—Carson Conklin is slinging air balls with 46 pass attempts and zero touchdowns, while the whole team has scored under 10 points in three separate home games.
Now, I’m not claiming Kent State are world-beaters, but transitive college football math doesn't lie, boys. The Flashes just spanked Ball State by 13 points—the very same Ball State squad that bent Sac State over last week for a 34-17 beatdown. Kent State is every bit as dominant as the rest of the dumpster-fire gang who already carved up Sac State: Soylent Green (won by 28), UMass (won by 29), and Eastern Michigan (won by 11). Plus, Kent State just bitch-slapped Akron by 15 points, and even Akron looks like the '72 Dolphins compared to this Sacramento squad.
What does the math say? There is ZERO evidence this limp-noodle Sacramento State roster can cover 10.5 points. Their defense is a porous, sweaty diaper yielding 37.5 points per game against FBS opposition, ranking a disgusting 138th in Q2 points allowed (16.4) and bleeding 76 penalty yards per game with a -9 turnover margin. Their red zone offense converts at a bottom-feeding 72.2%.
Meanwhile, Kent State’s Dru DeShields is coming off a filthy 294-yard, 4-touchdown masterpiece alongside wideout Wayne Harris (9 catches, 156 yards, 3 TDs). DeShields is going to slice through Sac State’s limp defense like a hot knife through rancid butter.
With chest-thumping confidence. Kent State covers the -10.5 with ease and leaves Hornet Stadium looking like a crime scene.
smu -10 SYRACUSE
You don't need Eric Dickerson or Craig James - the Pony Express is going to ride into that Carrier Dome - excuse me, JMA Wireless whatever-the-fuck corporate toilet they call it now - and violate the Orange so badly they'll need a safe word.
Syracuse had their moment in the sun last week. And boy was it ugly. They didn't beat North Carolina, North Carolina beat themselves harder than a 13-year-old boy who just discovered Pornhub.
You saw it. UNC up 20-10 midway through the third quarter, looking like they were finally going to give Jordan Hudson's boy-toy Belichick a happy ending. Then they pissed down their leg so hard they flooded Chapel Hill. Outscored 21-10 the rest of regulation, OT gift-wrapped by a 2-point conversion where Calvin Russell was out of bounds by a good three feet. Replay was "inconclusive" - yeah, inconclusive like whether Fran Brown makes any goddamn sense in a post-game interview. The man talks like he got hit with a thesaurus and a concussion at the same time.
Now that hungover, limp-dicked Orange team has to play SMU. This is a classic look-ahead-let-down-bang-over spot.
Let's talk numbers:
SMU is 6-1 and averaging 36.4 points per game. That offense is hornier than a dog in heat. Kevin Jennings just broke the school career TD record - 73 TD passes now - he's 25-8 as a starter with 9,766 yards. The kid threw for 223 last week but it was how he did it. Down 20-17 at half to Cal? Please. Second half they dropped a 42-0 donkey punch. 42-0! They scored TDs on SEVEN straight drives. That's not football, that's a bukkake film and Cal was the fluffer.
They beat Cal 59-20. Cal beat Syracuse earlier this year. That's your transitive property of ass-kicking. Common opponent math that even a Syracuse grad can do.
And SMU COVERS. In 4 of their 6 wins this year they've covered this exact 10-point number. They're 18-3 in ACC (stands for Ass CC) play since joining. Now look at the other side of this dumpster fire. Syracuse is 2-4 against FBS teams. Both wins? In overtime. They could EASILY be 0-6. They needed OT to beat Clemson's JV and Belichick's midlife crisis. They snapped an 11-game ACC losing streak last week. Eleven!
QB situation? Steve Angeli started his first game since September 17th because he's been getting PRP shots in his heel for retrocalcaneal bursitis - which sounds like something you get from a dirty motel mattress. Behind him is a hospital ward. Amari Odom out for the year, shoulder surgery. Malachi Nelson out, ankle surgery. And the kicker? Shay Barker has missed FIVE extra points and they're 7-for-16 on field goals. My drunk uncle kicks better after 12 Bud Lights.
Fran Brown Monday said "I just want to pack the Dome." Yeah, Fran, pack it with SMU fans watching you get curb-stomped. Last time you had a Monday feel-good presser after beating Clemson last September, you lost 38-3 to Duke five days later without Angeli. Deja vu is a bitch that doesn't even kiss you first.
SMU is the best team Syracuse has played all year. Not even close. This isn't Pitt, this isn't UConn. This is a Top-20 team laying only 10 to a team that used to be, and should still be, a basketball school
I'm calling it SMU 41, Syracuse 17. Mustangs cover the 10 by halftime and spend the 4th quarter working on their Heisman pose.
The Pick: SMU -10. Lay it, lay it hard.
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