In love with a married girl, pt. 2

Ok, so some of you were following this post a couple weeks ago- i thought i would give an update. 

For those of you that are new, the girl isn't actually married, it's just a catchy title.  But she does live with her bf.

Normally I don't go on here for personal advice, but this is such a complicated situation and i'm so emotionally invested that i need to go somewhere for advice. 

Here are the basic facts:  The girl is from Iraq.  Been living in U.S. for 2-3 years.  Before you laugh, she is very smart, speaks perfect English, and is an atheist.  I think I fell in love with her the first time I heard her say the Koran was evil.

So 2-3 years ago, she broke up with her bf in Iraq and moved here to start a new life.  She had moved on, was on Zoosk and going on dates and happy with her life.  Her bf calls her from Iraq and says he can't live without her and moves here against her wishes.  She feels so sorry for him she lets him move in with her and her roommate. (a gay guy)  The three of them have been living together for the last 6 months or so.

Anyways, as some of you know, we have been seeing a lot of each other the last few weeks- going out after work, etc.  (We only have four more weeks of working together.)  She continues to complain about her bf, and has given me a lot of the details, which are completely ludicrous.

The guy is 45 years old (She is 28.  I am 33)  He is divorced with two kids living in California.  He has his tubes tied.  He is constantly depressed and brings her down with him.  Oh yeah, and a couple weeks ago he proposed to her and she rejected.

So anyways, lastnight I finally told her how I feel. Kind of.  I told her I thought she could do better and she can't go on like this, completely unhappy and feeling trapped.  I stopped short of telling her I'm in love with her.  She kind of hinted at that saying something about am i suggesting she leaves her bf for me?, and I said something like i just wanted her to be happy, which is true.

Anyways, she doesn't hate me, we are still friends, so i figured one hurdle is down and it went as good as i could expect.  She said if she ever does leave him, she would want to be single for a long time just to get her head clear.  But what's she supposed to say- "yes, i'll leave him right now and get with you?"  All in all, i thought it went about as good as i could ask for.

Still welcome any advice, but please be serious and respectful.

Really, I can't say g-a-y on here?  First post should say that their third roommate is g-a-y.  It's not a slur, the guy is a guy.  JFC really?

Dude...grow a pair

she already expressed HER need/WANT to be single...and not for YOU.....

Why do you keep lying she is not married---youre a schmuck and a liar

As soon as she dumps the 45 year old Iraqi, we have a terrorist on our hands. Please report to the NSA  from here on in. 

I guess you didn't bake her a cake 

He got his tubes tied ? You're an idiot....

 The one proven Covers system and this guy won't even execute.

tubes tied

Sadly there is probably a lot of truth in this post my friend -- if she wants to be single, she may be willing to hit it with you for a while, but she is definitely not head-over-heels in love like you seem to be.

You're stuck in friendsville.  She is not going to just leave her BF and then just start a relationship with you like nothing happened.  I tried this once IN COLLEGE and it doesn't work.  

And you are not in love with her, you're in love with the situation.  What does she add to your life?  Is she there for you all the time? Physically? Mentally?

The reason it didn't work is because he was supposed to bake her a pie, not a cake.

Pie is

Cake is

This is true, I been down this road twice. It doesn't end well. Girls both left their guys for me and eventually they left me for another guy. Grass is always greener syndrome...

thanks for introducing me to zoosk 

this thread is useless without pics

You are her FRIEND and she only sees you as such.You have as much chance of a hook-up as her gaaay roommate. Still it wouldn't hurt to bake a cake.

Thank you for one of the few serious posts.  I do agree that she is kind of having her cake and eating it too.  On the other hand, it seems like people here have the impression that I am taking her out, comforting her, paying for her garbage, etc., which is not the case at all.  I haven't spent a dime on her.

She's not "taking advantage of me."  She's not some stuck up hot American girl- she spent her whole life trying to survive wars and she is just trying to figure out what to do now that she has freedom to choose here in America.  I honestly believe she is too innocent to really know how to take advantage of guys.

I hang out with her because she's cool and I can have intelligent conversations with her, which is the same reason I hang out with anybody else.  I enjoy talking to her about religion, politics, work, the war in Iraq, etc.

Am I stuck in Friendsville?  I sure hope not, but maybe.  But I am certainly trying not to be- I don't drop what I'm doing just to hang out with her, I've rejected requests to hang out when I had other garbage going on, and like I said I'm certainly not spending money on her or anything like that.

At some point  I will tell her more about my feelings for her and see how it goes.  It is a tricky situation- I realize I have to move on with my life and try to date other girls if the opportunity arises- on the other hand, she is worth waiting for, imo.

I hang out with her because she's cool and I can have intelligent conversations with her, which is the same reason I hang out with anybody else.  I enjoy talking to her about religion, politics, work, the war in Iraq, etc.

Am I stuck in Friendsville?  I sure hope not, but maybe.  But I am certainly trying not to be- I don't drop what I'm doing just to hang out with her, I've rejected requests to hang out when I had other garbage going on, and like I said I'm certainly not spending money on her or anything like that.