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A friend of mine just lost his wife

Forum: General Discussion
Author: [General Discussion] Topic: A friend of mine just lost his wife
SteelCash PM SteelCash
Joined: Oct 2006
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Posted: 2/5/2013 11:35:56 PM
She was driving down the road one day and a car hit her head on. It didn't "just" happen but it was about 4-5 months ago. I met him for a drink tonight and he's just the loneliest soul on earth. His life is void of any meaning anymore. The entire time I was there his eyes were watering and he would take a napkin to them. The odd thing is that he never really cried and the conversation we had was fairly normal in the sense that, on the surface, to the casual observer, he really didn't seem all that down. But I could tell that his life is void of any true happiness. It's so sad. All I can do is be there for him but I often can't. His heart is broken and his world has been shattered into pieces. I think he'd be fine with leaving this planet today if he could. If I'm missing something let me know. Any ideas would be appreciated although I don't possibly know what else I can do.
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JakeLake720 PM JakeLake720
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Posted: 2/5/2013 11:42:19 PM
 Ask him to do you a simple favor, such as pick something up for you etc.it might click that there are other people in his life that need him.
steve1203 PM steve1203
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Posted: 2/6/2013 12:26:55 AM
If you can, keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't do anything drastic.

to the wife.
Joined: Aug 2007
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Posted: 2/6/2013 12:30:30 AM
Could just putting on a show for show. Those could be tears of joy for getting a Costanza pure luck get out of marriage miracle?
Or he may be crying as he talks about her because no other woman will ever consider his nasty old behind and he knows he lost the one.
Hire a $250 escort to show up at his door to accidentally give him a blow J! It will give him the confidence he needs.
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Messier-11 PM Messier-11
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Posted: 2/6/2013 12:30:30 AM
probably should get on some anti depressants/therapy to help him cope
searchwarrant PM searchwarrant
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Posted: 2/6/2013 1:24:03 AM
Get him out (no booze), get his mind off of the tragedy and draw some laughter. He's made it 5 months - be ok with your help.
bandit1010 PM bandit1010
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Posted: 2/6/2013 9:36:24 AM
No easy situation to deal with for certain.  I lost an older brother when I was 16.  The deal is, you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on.  Stay busy, work out.  Thank goodness we had a very good friend give us these words of wisdom.  I like quote a line from Sawshank;  You can get busy living, or get busy dying.  Apologies if I didn't quote that verbatim, but you get the message.  I understood my brother wouldn't want me to carry on this drama after he died.  I don't want anyone crying and carrying on after I pass.   Life is for the living.  Sorry if that sounds too tough.     Bol to you.   
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Posted: 2/6/2013 11:38:43 AM

 It may take years for him to get "over" his loss. He'll probably never get over it completely, but as time goes on, with help from friends, he may be able to realize he was lucky for having had as much time with her as he did. Open the door for him to talk about it from time to time. He may be reluctant at first but I'm sure he'll open up eventually. That's all you can do as a friend.........the rest will just take time.

wallstreetcappers PM wallstreetcappers
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Covers Linesmen
Posted: 2/6/2013 11:54:36 AM
One of my best friends from high school lost his wife in a sudden fashion..she just didnt wake up one day.

That was 15 yrs ago and his life has never been the same..some people are able to move forward quicker than others, some never are able.

There surely is no timetable or method to clear this up for him. I know my friend and his kids went to group therapy for many years and the kids have been fine but he has not and probably never will be.
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Posted: 2/6/2013 2:12:30 PM
Ask him to come over and watch a game or have dinner. He doesnt need to be out at a bar right now. He needs someone to talk to or just sit in comfortable silence with.

suckerg PM suckerg
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Posted: 2/6/2013 2:42:28 PM
does he have kids?
SteelCash PM SteelCash
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Posted: 2/6/2013 5:59:40 PM
Yeah he has one daughter. Thanks for all the advice fellas. Definitely some valuable input.

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ShadowWarrior PM ShadowWarrior
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Posted: 2/6/2013 10:40:56 PM
You need spirituality to move forward, to know that your loved one is in a better world.  He needs to accept this to move forward.  Time moves on and waits for no one.  tHe suffering is for us who remain behind in this world not for the those that went on ahead.
The Hawk PM The Hawk
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Posted: 2/7/2013 8:06:11 AM
Ask him if he's thought about therapy. Not everybody can cope alone. Ask the daughter how she's dealing with it.
Forum: General Discussion
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