College football is a dive bar. That is why we love it so.
It is messy. It is crowded. Like any stadium, the bathrooms are a mess. The customers from Oklahoma keep talking about feet, while the folks in Volunteer Orange put mustard on everything.
But the games are comedies, and the players are willingly human. So we love our dive bar.
But if college football picks are a dive bar, then what exactly is … UMass vs. Kent State?
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- Nowhere Bar in Athens
- McCormick’s in South Bend
- Bonus Bet No. 1
- Bartenders, not bars
- Bonus Bet No. 2
Nowhere Bar in Athens
There is a bar in Athens, Georgia, not far from Sanford Stadium, a bit outside the hedges. It is named “Nowhere Bar.”
It is near enough the popular spots in Athens that one can stumble into it without intention, but it was empty enough in 2019 to commandeer a booth to myself and write 2,000 words on a Friday afternoon.
A live band was working on soundcheck. Rolling Rock was $3 per can. Not bottle. Can. And there was not a single stool at the bar.
The floor was cement, wet cement, but not “wet” as in recently laid. “Wet” as in a drink was permanently spilled. Christmas lights hung in September, so one can assume they hang year-round.
Anyway, the best unit on the field in UMass vs. Kent State is going to be Kent State’s offense, a sentence that might be more honestly written with the start of, “the least terrible unit on the field …”
It is somewhat astonishing that the Flashes have averaged 2.89 points per quality drive this season against FBS opponents — No. 96 in the country, per CFB-Graphs.com — given they have faced Texas Tech, Buffalo, Florida State, and Oklahoma. In this instance, “astonishing” is meant as a compliment.
Some of that ties to Kent State mounting quality drives on only 17.3% of its possessions, No. 135 in the country — the Flashes have not had a first-and-goal yet this season against an FBS opponent — but still, one might expect Kent State to rank No. 136 out of 136 teams in points per quality drive this season given those opponents. Ranking in the 30th percentile is actually impressive.
Kent. State. https://t.co/D2uhIi8XE4
— Douglas Farmer (@D_Farmer) October 10, 2025
Going against UMass’s defense will be far easier than those foes. In fact, the Minutemen rank last in the country in points allowed per quality drive. Given UMass has faced Temple, Iowa, and Western Michigan (as well as Missouri, but that is a stronger offense), ranking last in the country defensively where it matters most is the most concerning stat in this game.
It is the permanently spilled drink while speakers eternally cackle during soundcheck at a bar without stools.
McCormick’s in South Bend
There is a bar in South Bend, Indiana, a couple of miles from Notre Dame Stadium. It is named McCormick’s.
Downtown South Bend is far enough away from Notre Dame that you rarely hear anyone recommend a bar there for a football weekend, certainly not for a gameday. There is, however, one exception. No, it is not McCormick’s. But McCormick’s is down the street from Fiddler’s Hearth.
The men’s room at McCormick’s does not lock. There is a three-foot wall separating the urinal from the toilet. There is no further door separating the toilet from the world. If you do not watch your step as you exit the men’s room, you will trip on the six-inch stage that features an open mic on Tuesdays.
At least, it used to. It has been a few years since I went to an open mic night at McCormick’s. Bottles of Rolling Rock cost $1. McCormick’s ran out of Rolling Rock on more Tuesdays than not.
Anyway, Kent State’s defense has given up 4.33 points per quality drive against FBS opponents this season, No. 127 in the country. But when you are one of the most underfunded programs in the country, amid a 26-game losing streak to FBS opponents, ranking No. 127 defensively where it matters most can be considered an accomplishment after facing three offenses ranking in the top-30 in offensive expected points added (EPA). Two of those are within the top 11.
Gonna walk the talk.
— Douglas Farmer (@D_Farmer) October 10, 2025
Writing a full column on Kent State and dive bars.
I might pour a drink while I write. https://t.co/y4IqnBOnGL pic.twitter.com/BnkHjphrl7
The fact that the Flashes are not No. 136 in the country in points allowed per quality drive warrants praise, especially when knowing those numbers filter out garbage time.
Going against an offense like UMass’s, Kent State’s defense may not look outright good, but hey, the toilet at McCormick’s did flush and there was usually toilet paper.
Bonus Bet No. 1
More than two full seasons without an FBS win. Three times as many losses by more than 40 points (nine) as losses within one score (three). A coach fired for off-field issues including his credit card debt.
Things are not good for Kent State.
But when the Flashes have a home game as well as edges in scoring territory on both sides of the field, there is no choice but to bet on a win.
Aristotle proved the concept of infinity by arguing that every vacuum must have an edge, and every edge then must have another vacuum on the other side of it, and so on.
Similarly, every losing streak starts and ends with a win. And every win is an opportunity to start another losing streak next week.
🏈Bonus pick from Douglas: Kent State moneyline (-126 at FanDuel)🏈
Bartenders, not bars
Don’t find a bar. Find a bartender.
Bartenders elevate dive bars to bars you want to frequent regularly. Regulars exist because of bartenders, not because of bars.
Anyway, getting a full season as the interim head coach at Kent State is a unique situation for Mark Carney, promoted in April. Formerly the offensive coordinator, Carney has had time to know the roster and develop thorough game plans.
He is not planning for a week. He is not desperately trying to keep players from transferring. He is approaching a full season as an audition.
Unlike, say, Bobby Petrino, who now has a hellacious schedule ahead of him at Arkansas: vs. Texas A&M, vs. Auburn, vs. Mississippi State, at LSU, at Texas, and vs. Missouri.
Petrino is not trying to develop regulars. He is trying to shock-and-awe his way into a full-time job as bar manager. Anything we see from Petrino is not sustainable. It is 2-for-1 drinks all day, every day. And while Liquor Lyle’s in Minneapolis was glorious, it must be acknowledged that Liquor Lyle’s is no longer open.
Bonus Bet No. 2
But Petrino is going to wow out of the gates. He is a spectacular offensive mind, and he wants to once again be Arkansas’s head coach, without the “interim” tag.
Few things have ever felt more inevitable than the Razorbacks having a dazzling opening script ready this weekend.
🏈Bonus pick from Douglas: Arkansas first drive result: Touchdown (+200 at FanDuell)🏈
If you are uncertain, Old Grand Dad bourbon pairs well with Rolling Rock.
Odds are correct at the time of publishing and are subject to change.
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