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Jokes for smart people

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Legend
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Posted: #1

A cop pulls Heisenberg over for speeding and says, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg responds, "No, but I knew where I was!"
~~~~~ZOSO~~~~~
 
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Posted: #2

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium hooked up !

OMg
~~~~~ZOSO~~~~~
 
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Posted: #3

I would make another Chemistry joke...

But all the good ones are argon.
~~~~~ZOSO~~~~~
 
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Posted: #4

So I guess I'm in trouble with my probation officer who thinks she's a linguistics professor.

She said a double positive could never make a negative.

And I said, "Yeah, Right!"
~~~~~ZOSO~~~~~
 
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Posted: #5

E=MC Hammer

 
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Posted: #6

Have you heard about the band called 1023 MB? They haven't had any gigs yet.

 
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Posted: #7

do you recall blowing bubbles as a child?

well...bubbles just got out of prison and he is looking for you.

very highbrow

 
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Posted: #8

Quote Originally Posted by HockeyTeeth:

do you recall blowing bubbles as a child? well...bubbles just got out of prison and he is looking for you. very highbrow

an_clap

 
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Posted: #9
Helium walks into a bar.  The bartender Says ,"We don't serve noblle gasses in here.

Helulium doesn't doesn't react.


~~~~~ZOSO~~~~~
 
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Posted: #10
there are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who dont
 
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Posted: #11

What did The Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific?

nothing oceans can’t talk they just wave .....

 
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Posted: #12

Dear Algebra,

Stop asking us where your X is. She's not coming back.

And we don't know Y either.

 
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Posted: #13

Quote Originally Posted by TheGoldenGoose:

I would make another Chemistry joke...But all the good ones are argon.

Very noble of you to admit that.

R.I.P. #94 MARSHAWN KNEELAND - DC4L
 
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Posted: #14

Quote Originally Posted by Midnight1:

Have you heard about the band called 1023 MB? They haven't had any gigs yet.

They've had one.

R.I.P. #94 MARSHAWN KNEELAND - DC4L
 
Legend
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Posted: #15
Quote Originally Posted by Midnight1:

Dear Algebra,

Stop asking us where your X is. She's not coming back.

And we don't know Y either.




~~~~~ZOSO~~~~~
 
Legend
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Posted: #16

Did you hear about the guy who got cooled to Absolute Zero?

He's OK now.


~~~~~ZOSO~~~~~
 
Legend
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Posted: #17

Knock Knock

Who's there

To

To who?

No, it's to WHOM.
~~~~~ZOSO~~~~~
 
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Posted: #18

What do you get when you cross an agnostic who is dyslexic & an insomniac? 

You get a person who says up all night wondering if there is a dog. 

 
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Posted: #19

what do you call a woman with pms and esp?

 

 

 

 

 

 

A biiitch who knows everything.

 
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Posted: #20

Quote Originally Posted by Midnight1:

What do you get when you cross an agnostic who is dyslexic & an insomniac?  You get a person who says up all night wondering if there is a dog.

Dog=God 

Not sure how many got this one & were hesitant to ask.cool

 
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Posted: #21

i laughed. 

 
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Posted: #22

A man drives down a country road everyday to work and sees a sign that says "Atheist Kittens for Sale." After a week he notices the sign has been changed and reads "Christian Kittens for Sale." Intrigued, he goes down the driveway and questions the woman there. She says, "Well yes sir they were atheists but just this morning they opened their eyes." 

 
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Posted: #23

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 
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Posted: #24

My grandfather has the heart of a lion & a lifetime ban from the zoo.

 

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

 

In New York someone gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard.

 

Jokes about women's bodily functions are not funny. Period.

 

 

 
 
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Posted: #25

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.

"Get out of here!", shouts the bartender.
"We don't serve your Type!"


~~~~~ZOSO~~~~~
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