Finish this sentence...you know you're out of shape when

...before you climb up or down stairs you think about what else you need to take with you to keep trips to a minimum

...the waiter asks if anyone would like dessert and everyone looks at you

...you finally understand suspenders

If you get winded while you making a cake mixing by hand can be such excersise

you can't fit those pants!

I can't relate to any of these so far.

Don't have to relate to them, just a thread to make hypothetical jokes

...you need a mirror to see your junk

You have to lie down to button your pants.

Bending over to tie the shoes makes you gasp.

You have to lie down to button your pants.

You know you're out of shape when...

You have more Pounds than the Bank of England.


You know you're out of shape when...

You have more Chins than the Hong Kong telephone directory.

You jump for joy every morning it's cloudy or raining providing you a legit reason to cover up that disgusting gunk with a hoodie or coat.

 You hurt yourself sleeping.....

When you need a break every time you climb four steps

You get on your digital scales and it reads error or your you get into your smart car and States you have been in accident do you need assistance through the OnStar device

eat a bacon wrapped Twinkie

When y9u pull into the wall Mart parking lot and the first thing you check is whether you brought your nitro.

911 is on speed dial every time you visit the crapper to take a dump.

You put thee ice cream on door so you don't have to strech as far

When you sit in your recliner your drink rests securely by your sleeping cat on top of your belly

You can't remember the last time you ran anywhere

The only chicks that check you out anymore are buffet cashiers

Run for president I could run around. The block Dave....-Chris Christie tonight show with David Letterman 2014

You last touched your toes in 2003.