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The Miami Heat were dealt a crushing loss in Game 2 of the NBA Finals Thursday night. Miami blew a 15-point lead and gave up a 20-3 run to the Dallas Mavericks in the fourth quarter to miss out on a chance to take a 2-0 series lead heading to Dallas this weekend.
The Heat have had troubles closing out games, despite having two of the best crunch-time players in the league in LeBron James and Dwyane Wade. But, despite those offensive options, Miami opted for desperation 3-pointers and jump shots from Udonis Haslem instead of running a play and getting a good look.
At times, it seemed as if the Heat were nailed to floor, watching whoever had the basketball go one-on-one with their defender. The offense was as stagnant as a mud puddle and let the Mavs off the hook. There was no ball movement, no screens, no flashes to the ball, and in the end, no chance.
To get an idea of just how bad Miami’s final offensive sets were, here are four things that have more movement than the Heat’s late-game attack:
Jimmy Johnson’s hair - The former Miami and Dallas head football coach is notorious for his perfect coif. Johnson’s hair has the sturdiness of a Clydesdale stuck in two-foot cement. After this recent rash of tornadoes, victims are rebuilding their homes and storm cellars with strands of J.J.’s mop. They ain’t going anywhere.
Line at the DMV – Compared to Miami’s last few possessions, the line at the DMV might as well be Space Mountain. We’ve all grabbed a number and jumped aboard this neck-breaker of an experience. It doesn’t matter whether you go as soon as the doors open in the morning or five minutes before close, 88 percent of the staff is on their lunch break.
Three-toed sloth – Known as the slowest animal on the planet (up yours snails!), sloths take a page right out of Erik Spoelstra’s playbook. The tree-dwelling Bradypodidae operates at a pace that would make your 95-year-old Great Grand Nana look like a coked-out Usain Bolt with his shoes on fire.
Women – Ever been pressed for time before a concert, movie or ritualistic sacrifice? Yeah, we’ve all been there. No matter how late you’re running, and regardless of preparation time, your girlfriend, wife or high-priced escort can’t seem to get her shit together in the allowed amount of prep time. Most guys can shit, shower and shave, have shoes on and keys in hand in about 10-15 minutes. Women need a 1-3 hour buffer to accomplish one of those tasks with 15-minute breaks in between.
The Heat have had troubles closing out games, despite having two of the best crunch-time players in the league in LeBron James and Dwyane Wade. But, despite those offensive options, Miami opted for desperation 3-pointers and jump shots from Udonis Haslem instead of running a play and getting a good look.
At times, it seemed as if the Heat were nailed to floor, watching whoever had the basketball go one-on-one with their defender. The offense was as stagnant as a mud puddle and let the Mavs off the hook. There was no ball movement, no screens, no flashes to the ball, and in the end, no chance.
To get an idea of just how bad Miami’s final offensive sets were, here are four things that have more movement than the Heat’s late-game attack:
Jimmy Johnson’s hair - The former Miami and Dallas head football coach is notorious for his perfect coif. Johnson’s hair has the sturdiness of a Clydesdale stuck in two-foot cement. After this recent rash of tornadoes, victims are rebuilding their homes and storm cellars with strands of J.J.’s mop. They ain’t going anywhere.
Line at the DMV – Compared to Miami’s last few possessions, the line at the DMV might as well be Space Mountain. We’ve all grabbed a number and jumped aboard this neck-breaker of an experience. It doesn’t matter whether you go as soon as the doors open in the morning or five minutes before close, 88 percent of the staff is on their lunch break.
Three-toed sloth – Known as the slowest animal on the planet (up yours snails!), sloths take a page right out of Erik Spoelstra’s playbook. The tree-dwelling Bradypodidae operates at a pace that would make your 95-year-old Great Grand Nana look like a coked-out Usain Bolt with his shoes on fire.
Women – Ever been pressed for time before a concert, movie or ritualistic sacrifice? Yeah, we’ve all been there. No matter how late you’re running, and regardless of preparation time, your girlfriend, wife or high-priced escort can’t seem to get her shit together in the allowed amount of prep time. Most guys can shit, shower and shave, have shoes on and keys in hand in about 10-15 minutes. Women need a 1-3 hour buffer to accomplish one of those tasks with 15-minute breaks in between.
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