I am at a loss.

Ok. Everyone that new golden goose knew what he was , a man of his word he had no filter he didn't lie . He said what he felt I know he was my friend . 

I tried to go down and see his wife. But she so broken up she couldn't face me and told me not to come there so I didn't.

To leave this state I need permission. Because I am on probation. You all seen that thread. And I assure you I will never throw anyone under the bus cause that is not me. I don't run my mouth but on a phone call to my friend. I gonna run it now so you all understand me. I was beaten and sodomized by my ex to many times I broke up with her and took my tools. And was with another women who I saw tonight...

But I am not gonna admit to anyone or anything what happened cause I devoted 500k and 8 years of my life so she wasn't abused by anyone again. Her story was she was raped by Auburn PD. And no one there would help her so she took that hate on me.

So be it I chose my path. But Mike knew what's up and would give me a time out like a brother want me not to go back but I was in love. 

K. He took care of me when I was inside jail prison for some soups so he understood I would always pay him back.... So all of that so be it... I know I live forever. Well as long as God allows, death means nothing to me I don't die. So it came to I could testify and show she lied ...and then the police who raped her could turn and say she lied under oath. I didn't I kept my tongue and said I was happy she got counseling she deserves.

The da told her if she cooperates she would get her the social security benefits she earned in entirety for the 8 years back log.... 

So at the end Missy has a home her kids didn't lose their mum and I paid dearly for this. Now our governor vetoed bill to release tape kits to da office. And Missy is well at her house and secure and I want her to have a great life I invested so much into her I never done for anyone else. 

Back to seeing Mike's wife. I made an appointment with probation to get allowance to leave state for the day. That form alone costs 100. I called his wife and she said she wouldn't see me. 

I never went. I will help her anyway but it was the straw I guess because no one else until now knew the story beside Mike.... I can't express my confusion or anger or really anything to anyone so I felt the need to share with you all

 Cause it just nothing here . No one actually knows me here or understand me anyway.

To men who threaten my family everyone knows I am the devil itself. Men shot at me beat me and they don't talk about it cause I come back with hell beside me.

Again can't die , like they know they killed me and then well back in there face the next day saying let's bring it on.... But this is worse cause I can't bring Mike back I wasn't there when he left. Done that as well on a occasion but I was physically there when they passed... Anyways I needed to express this I miss Mike and this forum is now a hard place to go to cause I want to see his posts they ain't here. 

I am tired tonight going to bed ... Good luck gambler be safe and stay in tune to what really matters the teL people in your life, like the cashier who sells you your morning coffee or your spouse who wakes up in your arms. This is what matters.... Peace - nature1970

@nature1970

 When younger I believed, if a man had 5 good friends they were very wealthy. Now I think that number is closer to 3 & at times, that number may feel like it's closer to zero. 

I think there's a part of you that feels gone but if you keep the great memories of him in your heart they will always be available to you. With all due respect, I didn't know Goose well enough to call him Mike but the little I do know about him is that he wouldn't want you to fly off the handle & do anything rash while you are mourning his loss.

The spirit you turned to while doing some shitty times when you were away is still there to give you comfort. The best tribute you can give Goose is to continue your path in getting your life together again. It's so easy to say "Fuck this" & get off the track he's helped you moving forward but that would be disrespectful to him being your best friend. 

One of the best way to honor Goose is to be there for his wife whenever she needs you.

Take it one day at a time buddy.

Try to hang in there nature....one day at a time

midnight

@Midnight1

 You will always be my friend, glad to know you

Nature, so sorry to hear about all you have went thru in life and hope things get better for you everyday going forward. Goose was a great guy and was an asset to this forum for so many different reasons. May he rest in peace and keep watching over you Nature.

cd

 You have to work at it my friend as you make a return.Not easy by any means. As said above one day at a time. Wishing you the best. Be careful and be smart.

 You have to work at it my friend as you make a return.Not easy by any means. As said above one day at a time. Wishing you the best. Be careful and be smart.