A Quick Joke

Doctor to patient: "You have to stop masterbating."

Patient to doctor: "Why?"

Doctor to patient: "Because I'm trying to examine you." 

A guy walks into a pet store & tells the owner he wants to buy a bird.

The owner asks if he's interested in a cockatoo.

The customer says "No, I just want a bird."

Here's an oldie..

Two cannibals are eating a clown & one looks at the other & asks "Does this taste funny to you?"

A guy walks into a convenience store, and he grabs a single-serving meal, a single-serving drink, a single-serving toothpaste, a single-serving dessert, single-serving everything, and he goes up to the counter with it and the woman at the counter says, "Let me guess, you're single?" And he says, "Yeah, how could you tell?" And she says, "Because you're really  ugly."

This homeless guy asked me for money the other day. I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on gambling, drugs or alcohol. And then I thought, that’s what I’m going to use it on.

A man comes to Mrs. Smith’s door and says, “There’s been an accident at the brewery. Your husband fell into ?a vat of beer and drowned.”

Mrs. Smith wails, “Oh, the poor man! He never had a chance!”

The man says, “I don’t know about that. He got out three times to go to the bathroom.”

She's a trophy wife................just not first place

Ham sandwich walks into a bar...

Bartender goes "We don't sell ham sandwiches"

Sandwich goes "That's okay, I just want a beer"