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Author: [Nascar] Topic: Nascar Easter
alangrrbs send a private message View Space | Friends | Playbook |
alangrrbs
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#1
Posted: 4/7/2012 12:10:28 PM
Apparently all the NASCAR drivers/crew get together for an Easter gathering.  This is what I hear happens every year.

Someone announces that the food is ready, and all the drivers get up.  Tony Stewart pushes everyone out of the way and gets to the front of the line.  Everyone knocks Joey Logano out of the way, and he quickly gets shuffled to the back of the line.  Travis Kvapil and Joe Nemechek immediatley leave the party as soon as it starts.  Kurt Busch tastes some of the Punch that Jerry made, then goes on a profanity laced tirade about how long it took him to make it.  Kyle Busch is in charge of opening some nice bottles of merlot...all the drivers agreed that Kyle knows whine the best.  Danica is in the kitchen finishing up some of the dishes like Ambrose's Bloomin Onion, and Kasey's Kandy Kane's.  In the line for the food, Harvick argues with someone who got to the rolls first, and Harvick's wife immediately steps in to settle the score.  They used to let Trevor Bayne bring food...he brought one dish that was a real winner, and the rest of them have been terrible.  Jimmie Johnson makes the desserts every year, but everyone always complains that they are all vanilla and boring.   Juan Montoya slips and runs into the blow torch, and blows off the east wing of the house, so unfortunately there won't be any creme brulee this year.  They decided to do a buffet pitch in this year.  They normally go to a restaurant and have an 8 course meal but they got annoyed when Boris Said and Ron Fellows only showed up for 2 of those courses.  As the drivers shuffle through the line Paul Menard's and Brad Keselowski's fathers present them with their meal tickets.  Denny loves pork, so he takes forever getting some, and it creates a wait...they now call that wait the Denny Ham-line.  Jeff Burton and Clint Bowyer like standing next to the dips with the rest of the guy.  Someone cuts in front of Brian Vickers, and he calmly responds by throwing him face first through the window.  On their second way through the line, Carl Edwards and Matt Kenseth pass Elliot Sadler and David Gilliland who haven't gone through once.

The drivers are now sitting down eating.  Ryan Newman is sitting in the shadow of Tony Stewart, and nobody notices that Greg Biffle is even at the party.  Mark Martin announces he needs to take a "pit stop in the mens room" , and everyone knows they will have to hold it for a while.  Mark spends a few more minutes in there than most guys.  Jeff Gordon eats faster and cleaner than everyone throughout the whole meal, but right as he's almost done he drops some guacamole down his shirt and finishes after several people.  Everyone likes it when Michael Waltrip eats deviled eggs because his lisp kind of goes away.  Jeremy Mayfield asks to borrow a spoon, some foil and a lighter, and then disappears.  Even though he eats fast, everyone knows Dale Jr is not going to finish first.  Halfway through the meal it starts to rain, and a NASCAR official walks in and takes everyone's food and throws it away.  They decide to play NASCAR pictionary...AJ Allmendinger goes first and gets frustrated when people start guessing that it's a big black penis masterbating, and he has to explain he was trying to draw a Crankshaft.  They scrap that game, and go to 20 questions...Martin Truex goes first and says I'm a driver with a woman's name.  Everyone quickly guesses Jamie McMurray.  The party winds down, and at the end it's discovered Chad Knaus used some illegal ingredients in his 48 layer quiche.  He's asked not to come back to next years party.

I was bored and wrote this this morning...hope everyone enjoys it
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Looselugs send a private message View Space | Friends | Playbook |
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#2
Posted: 4/7/2012 6:15:43 PM
Had to stop three times just to finish reading.

Good stuff!
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william13 send a private message View Space | Friends | Playbook |
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#3
Posted: 4/7/2012 8:59:57 PM
that was very good .....
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ravenzone send a private message View Space | Friends | Playbook |
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#4
Posted: 4/7/2012 11:23:51 PM
Very good
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alangrrbs send a private message View Space | Friends | Playbook |
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#5
Posted: 4/21/2012 1:28:47 PM
Long story, but a guy I work with is the Dad of Paul Menard's spotter.  Dad sent this to his son, and he showed it to Paul Menard.  Menard thought it was hysterical so he sent it out to all his crew and they sent it out to all the other crews.  They said all the crews love it and are still spreading it around.  Funny stuff.
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