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Christmas sneaks up on you like a safety just waiting for that high pass across the middle. There are only two weeks until game time, better known as Xmas Day, so if you haven’t started your shopping, you better get on it.
But what do you get that person that has everything? Better yet, the superstar athlete that has it all? Here’s a quick gift list for some of sports biggest figures, just in case you’re stumped on gift ideas:
LeBron James – A clue
Did you really think everyone would be cool with announcing your plans on national TV while keeping Cleveland in the dark about your choice? C’mon LeBron. Even your half-hearted regrets that have trickled out since signing with the Heat aren’t enough to sooth the sting you dealt the Cavs. Blame it on arrogance or just plain ignorance, but the King desperately needs to get a clue for Christmas.
Mike Krzyzewski – A point guard
Duke’s chances to repeating as national champs took a huge shot with the loss of freshman PG Kyrie Irving. The Blue Devils may be without the lightning quick scorer for the rest of the season, which changes the pace of Coach K’s offense and puts the ball in the hands of Nolan Smith, who is better at the No. 2. Santa will have a hard time fitting another 6-foot-2 PG down the chimney.
Chad Ochocinco and Terrell Owens – A quarterback
When the Bengals added T.O. to the receiving corps, football fans were excited to see what would happen when he teamed with Ochocinco and QB Carson Palmer. Heading into Week 14, Owens and Ocho have a combined 13 touchdowns despite the fact that Palmer hasn’t held up his end of the bargain. The past-his-prime passer has 15 INTs and a QB rating of 80.1.
Peyton Manning – A break
Those who say Manning’s time is coming to an end should try passing to a receiving corps that’s about as stable as an ICU. The Colts have suffered too many injuries to skill players at both WR and RB, pretty much leaving Manning and Reggie Wayne to carry the team. Pierre Garcon showed what Manning can do with at least two healthy hands Thursday. So give No. 18 a break, would you?
Ryan Howard – Balls (testicles not wayward pitches)
“Hey Howard, swing the bat!” I muttered those words for about a week after the Phillies slugger watched strike 3 whip by in Game 6 of the NLCS, striking out looking to lose 3-2 to the Giants with men in scoring position, ending Philadelphia’s run at a third straight NL Pennant. Howard, who had no home runs and 12 strikeouts versus San Francisco, had better been a good boy this offseason so HoHo can deliver the marbles needed to come through in the clutch.
Georges St-Pierre – Personality
Maybe it’s the language barrier, but GSP is the worst interview in all of sports. I don’t care how awesome he is in the Octagon, his PR people really need to ask Pere Noel for some personality. St-Pierre is about as bland as your diabetic aunt’s Xmas cookies and drier than her failed attempted at the Christmas turkey.
Brett Favre – Shame
It’s bad enough that Favre doesn’t know when to say quit, but sending pics of his Yule log to Jenn Sterger is a whole other level. Brett doesn’t feel shame for his tainted legacy, letting down the Vikings or helping get Brad Childress canned. Nor did he hide his on those long, lonely nights in the Big Apple. Instead of another pair of Wranglers and a new fishin’ hat, maybe No. 4 should wish for some shame this holiday season.
Cam Newton – Disposable trophy case
Cam Newton will win the Heisman Trophy Saturday, there’s no doubt about that. But he shouldn’t really lose sleep over where to display it. Chances are in about three years, the Auburn QB will be forced to hand the award back to the NCAA once all his/his father’s wheeling-and-dealing comes out. Enjoy it while you can Cam.
Jimmie Johnson – Respect
In any other sport, if someone or some team won five straight titles, it would be the hot topic for the rest of the year. But not in NASCAR. Outside of real gear heads, Johnson’s fifth Sprint Cup Championship barely made a dent in the headlines. I think it’s time Johnson gets mentioned among the all-time greats – and not just in racing. Jordan, Gretzky, Montana and the No. 48. If you’re going to give anyone anything this season, give J.J. the respect he deserves.
What other gift do your favorite/least favorite athletes deserve this Xmas?
But what do you get that person that has everything? Better yet, the superstar athlete that has it all? Here’s a quick gift list for some of sports biggest figures, just in case you’re stumped on gift ideas:
LeBron James – A clue
Did you really think everyone would be cool with announcing your plans on national TV while keeping Cleveland in the dark about your choice? C’mon LeBron. Even your half-hearted regrets that have trickled out since signing with the Heat aren’t enough to sooth the sting you dealt the Cavs. Blame it on arrogance or just plain ignorance, but the King desperately needs to get a clue for Christmas.
Mike Krzyzewski – A point guard
Duke’s chances to repeating as national champs took a huge shot with the loss of freshman PG Kyrie Irving. The Blue Devils may be without the lightning quick scorer for the rest of the season, which changes the pace of Coach K’s offense and puts the ball in the hands of Nolan Smith, who is better at the No. 2. Santa will have a hard time fitting another 6-foot-2 PG down the chimney.
Chad Ochocinco and Terrell Owens – A quarterback
When the Bengals added T.O. to the receiving corps, football fans were excited to see what would happen when he teamed with Ochocinco and QB Carson Palmer. Heading into Week 14, Owens and Ocho have a combined 13 touchdowns despite the fact that Palmer hasn’t held up his end of the bargain. The past-his-prime passer has 15 INTs and a QB rating of 80.1.
Peyton Manning – A break
Those who say Manning’s time is coming to an end should try passing to a receiving corps that’s about as stable as an ICU. The Colts have suffered too many injuries to skill players at both WR and RB, pretty much leaving Manning and Reggie Wayne to carry the team. Pierre Garcon showed what Manning can do with at least two healthy hands Thursday. So give No. 18 a break, would you?
Ryan Howard – Balls (testicles not wayward pitches)
“Hey Howard, swing the bat!” I muttered those words for about a week after the Phillies slugger watched strike 3 whip by in Game 6 of the NLCS, striking out looking to lose 3-2 to the Giants with men in scoring position, ending Philadelphia’s run at a third straight NL Pennant. Howard, who had no home runs and 12 strikeouts versus San Francisco, had better been a good boy this offseason so HoHo can deliver the marbles needed to come through in the clutch.
Georges St-Pierre – Personality
Maybe it’s the language barrier, but GSP is the worst interview in all of sports. I don’t care how awesome he is in the Octagon, his PR people really need to ask Pere Noel for some personality. St-Pierre is about as bland as your diabetic aunt’s Xmas cookies and drier than her failed attempted at the Christmas turkey.
Brett Favre – Shame
It’s bad enough that Favre doesn’t know when to say quit, but sending pics of his Yule log to Jenn Sterger is a whole other level. Brett doesn’t feel shame for his tainted legacy, letting down the Vikings or helping get Brad Childress canned. Nor did he hide his on those long, lonely nights in the Big Apple. Instead of another pair of Wranglers and a new fishin’ hat, maybe No. 4 should wish for some shame this holiday season.
Cam Newton – Disposable trophy case
Cam Newton will win the Heisman Trophy Saturday, there’s no doubt about that. But he shouldn’t really lose sleep over where to display it. Chances are in about three years, the Auburn QB will be forced to hand the award back to the NCAA once all his/his father’s wheeling-and-dealing comes out. Enjoy it while you can Cam.
Jimmie Johnson – Respect
In any other sport, if someone or some team won five straight titles, it would be the hot topic for the rest of the year. But not in NASCAR. Outside of real gear heads, Johnson’s fifth Sprint Cup Championship barely made a dent in the headlines. I think it’s time Johnson gets mentioned among the all-time greats – and not just in racing. Jordan, Gretzky, Montana and the No. 48. If you’re going to give anyone anything this season, give J.J. the respect he deserves.
What other gift do your favorite/least favorite athletes deserve this Xmas?
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