Quote Originally Posted by psu99:
This is a pretty odd but good talk for this site. I have been coming here for awhile now only made myself a name and stuff about a year or so ago, but don't comment very often, but this one really drew my interest. I am a D&A Counselor, also in recovery been clean off a pretty serious drug, I celebrated 5 years clean Dec. 31. Yea, I know who gets clean on The Eve. I had enough so I just checked myself in with a little pressure from friends and family, since I had battled the addiction since college. The funny thing is it all started with scripts by a DR. I was a baseball player at Penn State got hurt got put on meds, and as a player at a pretty big school or at least at where I was it was like candy for me. Whenever I wanted it I got it. Ended up from looking like a draft pick to 5 shoulder surgries and a junkie. I have always bet, and honestly wouldn't advise it to Pt's at the rehab I work at. It's an addiction all in the same. I mean the same rush from winning I got from the drug, maybe not as long or as good but similar affect. But I still gamble. I do think I have a problem some days and shouldn't but it's when I'm losing. Kinda like an addict that finnally realizes it's time to stop when the cops are out to get him or he runs out of money. I can also relate to the bars, situation. I have been on Benzo's since I was 14, when my mom passed away and only stopted when I was using my drug of choice because I OD and it honestly scared the shit out of me. So when I got clean I would notice that my anxiety would be a major factor to me going back to use, so I went to a DR. got put on the meds again and have been on them the whole 5 years. Hardcore ppl in recovery could and do say this isn't clean, hell my boss tells me she is the only one that knows because of her fear how the other counselors will look or treat me. I say ya know I did the NA/AA thing and still do not as much but do, went to a ton of rehabs, but kept using. Because they pounded in my head a drug is a drug. But I am in the belief that each person has thier own way to the light of recovery. Where as one person may see a person taking prescibed methadone for 10 years but never touching nothing else as not clean, I don't, some say if you go to church or you do this or that if you don't follow the NA/AA way your not clean. All I know is in 5 years I have me back, and have had a child met an amazing woman who is a stright edge never even been drunk VP of a Company with a Masters, I am working on my Masters, but somedays especially when I bet a lot I do over take my meds. So I go back and forth on am I clean am I not. I feel bad somedays like I let down the ppl I am suppose to be helping down. When that douchebag from the Jets ran that TD in instead of just falling and letting the clock run out, than got a 15yd pentalty and gave Brady all that time and I dropted 5gs I went to my meds, is that addict behavior absolutely. As per your situation, mixing the booze and the meds is bad money bro, I mean smoking some in my personial opnion isn't bad. I mean if a kid goes from shooting 15bags of dope a day to only smoking weed the rest of his life and becomes a success in life is that wrong. I honestly believe that to each his or her own. I get into a lot of heated conversations, but if you got a kid that needs to steal from his family just to b right for the day and not feel like he is dying to smoking and gets his life back, and a good job and family back who am I to tell him or her your not clean or what your doing is wrong. But I know addiction on drugs and gambling are like peanut butter and jelly. In your situation one thing you should know is that benzo withdrawl reallly doesn't hit you until like 1-2 weeks after your last pill. Going cold turkey can kill you. Even though some drug withdrawl may make you feel like your gonna die, 2 can kill you, booze and benzo's. Be careful, I am by no means happy with myself somedays, but I do take my meds as prescibed about 90% of the time, but that 10% is still an addict. All I know is my life is better I am not living on the streets, I am not robbing people I love, I am a good dad and husband, or I know I try my hardest. To be honest with myself on some days I question am I clean. My DR. knows my history when I go to a meeting I talk about what I take I am honest. Something I never was when I was using the drug that brought a good kid to his knees. But I can tell ya this from experince zans and betting make it harder because you forget a lot. I mean I have a game in my head a trend I see early and forget, but as for myself I am honest about what I am on but I do feel like a fraud a lot, and I also know gambling is like the same rush as the drug. I know it's wrong but I still do it. And my addictive personality costs me money. I am up for the year not a ton but like 5-6gs but I know I'd be up about 10more if I had any discipline and being an addict I chase a lot and it's burnt me. I usually end the year up but what could I be up if I didn't have an addictive personality. I have no idea if I made sense, but really the most important thing I would tell you is don't go cold turkey on the benzo's and mixing all that except the weed is lethal. I mean I have been to a few funerals of ppl with the same story man, and I don't know you but to have the balls to just put yourself out there in this way on this site takes balls and it also takes someone that I think is crying for help. I think you know the answer just as I do. It's not like capping a game this life and death and these drugs will kill you if not the being doped up can not be good to your ability to think straight capping. But honestly gambling in my opnion should be the least of your concerns. Coming off the drugs your own you need medical supervision, like I said yeah I read the one post I havent done any in a day or something like that benzo withdrawl isn't like most drugs it hits you hard farther away from your last dose be careful and I wish you the best. And thanks you really made me look at myself as I was typing this I was kinda talking to myself as well.
Very good post, but my only problem is getting what a "md" prescribes you. Yes that will keep you in check, at least according to their regulations, but I've seen a lotta docs who could really care less what you take as long as it's reasonable and not a bother to them. Otherwise great advice, take a little and some herb should settle your on the top urges, but always make your decision about life-goals, if that's kids, wife, job then make sure you don't fuck that up
Not only was/am I an addict, but I also dealt w/ many in my line of work. We all have excuses, but nothing beats a child/woman/career
and only burned maybe .5 to a gram of the stickiest of icky
. going to eat most likely 30 mg of ambien and pass out around 11:30 best guesstimate............gonna be in the gym by 7:15 AM..........
.....no getting refill....
..........keep you updated.....
Daily Grind.....
Come on guy
.....just got done burning like one of those 2 day long blunts, u know the stickiest of the icky rolled up nicely in a dutchie......gone break out my new water pipe.......Fucking Beatiful piece....
.......Than im going to bring home some woman who doesn't even know it yet....
....And smash some vag....I wish this was DG so i could post pictures...
.....like i said i have prepared myself for this i think.....
..... anyways its friday and the weather is 75 and Slutty here in downtown West Palm......
..
Hot Forum Topics
