Waking up early to take dumps.

my brother in law was so drunk couple years ago he shit himself as he was sleeping in bed.  his girlfriend woke him up though 

The worse feeling in the world is when you have to Prarie Dog it when you know the shitter is'nt close.

Thats when accidents happen.

 

I have never lost that battle

Nothing like waking up in the morning 20 lbs lighter.

I was always regular as clockwork in part to my minimalist diet and I rarely drink to excess. Recently for the last few months I have been comped to the champange buffet every Sunday @ the local casino. This thing has all the hits and I will spend 1-2 hours eating like a Turk. Anyway I have learned that I can't just tip the waitress and hop in my car to make the 20min drive to the racetrack.After eating so much stuff I know that the "ping-pong ball in the garden hose" effect will come in to play about 15-20 min later and I will drop a parcel equal to the one I just crammed in earlier. Anyway acouple of weeks ago I was just finishing up my third dessert in the dining room when I got that Tsumaii feeling in my upper colon and I knew this was the big one. I grabbed my jacket and half ran out to get to the men's room.I made it to the men's room sprinting with cleanched butt cheeks and spun into a empty stall. I didn't take time to lock the door I just undid my pants dropped the shorts and proceeded to sit but it was  too late. I wallpapered the back wall,the toilet,the dispenser that held the paper toiletseat covers,but not a drop made it into the bowl,I carpet bombed the stall back wall up to 3 feet off the floor.I just slipped out of there looking for the poor minimum wage mope that was going to power scrub that shitfest to try and offer him a tip.

Love this topic.  Two years ago I was walking back from my truck to my office during lunch break, I completely lost control and shat myself silly.  It felt like warm putty in between my cheeks.  The worst part of this was my coworker (young blonde girl) was waiving at me, eagerly awaiting my arrival at the back entrance of work.  I went into instant panic mode and I played it off as if I left something in my truck.  The walk back to my vehicle was one of the most shameful walks of my life.  That 15 yards felt like a 15 year prison sentence.  It was long and endless.  But the worst part was when I had to sit in on my own pile of dung while driving home so I can clean myself.  My drive was so long the warm putty turned cold mid way back home.  Needless to say I've had better days.  Hope this never happens to any of you folks.

and wtf is up with all that hair on the inner sides of your ass cheeks as you get older n sh*t?? im sick of this sh*t...

 im gonna have to start shavin that sh*t so my sh*t doesnt get stuck on that sh*t as im wiping my sh*t up...

i swear its like for the past decade plus ive forgotten how to wipe my ass correctly...

i use up a sh*tload of two ply...

just sayin...needed to vent...thx salty j for the thread....

 

Yo OCD, I had the same issue for years. One of my friends told me to get a brazilian, LOL - that wasn't going to happen. If I refused to wax my ass, I wasn't sure anything could be done about it. But, then I met my wife. She introduced me to butt wipes. They're basically the same thing you use to wipe a babies ass. My 1 year old son and I now share wipes. I keep a stack by the toilet, he keeps a stack by his changing table. Now, we both have clean asses. Not sure why it took my whole life to figure this out, but I'm sure glad I did

Does getting "spice ass" count as sharting if you do not fart.?

You know those type of shits where you wie your asshole clean then like an hour later.......You feel a spicy burn as you get up and start walking, then go to the bathroom only to have to re wipe your ass?

But it is not enough to stain boxers or anything. Just enough to piss you off to where you feel the spice and have to go through the trouble of going back in and wiping your ass.

 

Yeah I hear ya.

It is very strange for a man to trim his asshole but sometimes is has to be done.

On another note, it is funny to see a girl who trims her snatch and somehow forgets to get the asshole area. Always a good chance to see as you are gonna do a little munchie munch and pin her legs back behind her head.

And Ktrain, that is a funny image of a guy shitting during a fight....Not the time!

The other side was probably proud to say they beat the shit out of him.

 

WE WANT MOAR STORIES SALTY.

Haha :)

....just found out about those to from the ex succubus. think ill corner the market with male scented ass wipes...

it sure beats wagglin like a penguin to the sink from the toilet with your pants down to your knees with a rolled up piece of two ply, dab that sh*t under the sink faucet, and then proceed to bend over, turn around, spread the cheeks and try to wipe that sh*t off lookin in the bthrm mirror...

yea salts another mindless waste of time us primates must endure....

pops never sat me down and said son one day youre gonna need a seperate razor just for your sack pack and dead man's cave...

 

OCD--Are we talking dingleberries?

i like to shower after i crap

 

O man that is priceless-----took me 25 years to learn about butt wipes also...everyone should have them

Preparation H Medicated Wipes with Aloe. 3 packs of 48 at Costco for 11 bucks. I have the cleanest ass in town now. I always try to turn them upside at the register so no one sees me by them. Fuck it though it's worth the embarrassment.

....no moron i know how to do the sh*t shake to fling those b*tches off and not have to wipe um....

im talking about wiping your ass and all of a sudden you got extra strips of sh*t wiped up on the part of the two ply that wasnt the primary target of attack because it sticks to the hairy insides of the cheeks...

butt wipes are the answer, ill get around to that purchase eventually...

Whats up with those "whole roll shit?" .....You know what I'm talking about, when it takes you a whole roll to get your ass clean. Usually after a night of Chili, wings and beer. Then about 3 hours later you end up with swamp ass and you have to go in and wipe again but this time you put a "Manpon" in your ass to absorb anything else that wants to sweat out. I'm good for a Manpon shit about once a month.        Just saying.....

...a Manpon is a wad of toilet paper that you just stuff up your ass and cheeks and let it stay there......Don't tell me you've never walked around with a Manpon once or twice in your life.

I knew you were asking.

My personal peeve is to have take a shit right after I shower.