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Author: [Politics] Topic: AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL
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#1
Posted: 12/12/2011 12:36:18 PM

somewhere in the Washington DC suburbs of northern Virginia:

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA: Attention fellow birthers, it's time to gather and discuss our strategies for tomorrow.  Now any suggestions on what we should talk about when confronted by the press?              

BIRTHER AGENT 519:  I know, let's talk about Barack Obama's birth certificate and how it's phony (applause heard around the room).   You know, the same stuff we've been saying for the last 4 years!  (loud and even louder applause heard around the room)

GRAND POOBA:  Agent 519, you are brilliant! (oohs and ahhs heard around the room).  Any other suggestions?

BIRTHER AGENT 415:  Gee I wished you had picked me first because I was going to say the exact same thing as agent 519!  So instead, I'll second the motion! (thunderous applause heard around the room and the grand pooba is looking at his chief assistant clapping and shaking his head up and down)

GRAND POOBA:  OK agents, go out and march, tell everybody what you think about Barack's birth certificate.  And don't forget to come up with some ideas for tomorrow night's meeting . . .

Adjourned!

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#2
Posted: 12/12/2011 12:38:33 PM
11 months ago called.... They want their political topic du jour back. 
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#3
Posted: 12/12/2011 2:32:24 PM

somewhere in the Washington DC suburbs of northern Virginia:

AN UPDATE FROM BIRCHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA: Now it's been brought to my attention that somebody misspelled "BIRTHER".  Our banners now read:  BIRCHER CENTRAL.  Oh well, we'll go with BIRCHER today after all there's not much difference between BIRCHER and BIRTHER! (many laughs from the audience).  Now I understand there's been some dissent amongst our troops (sheiks, moans and groans heard from the audience).  Agent 605 would like to speak.

AGENT 605:  I was talking to the press yesterday and the reporter said: "All you guys talk about is that birth certificate every day."  So I think we should change things up . . .

(shouted from the audience):  Don't go there Jane . . .

(shouted from the audience):  Don't say it Jane . . .

AGENT 605:  Tomorrow I think we should talk about Barack Hussein Obama's religion.  We should point out how Muslim he sounds and acts! (a huge roar erupts from the audience, everybody starts clapping with approval and the band starts playing HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN . . .meanwhile the grand pooba is looking at his chief assistant shaking his head up and down)

GRAND POOBA:  Agent 605 you are brilliant!  Those are your marching orders for tomorrow BIRCHERS, oh silly me, I meant BIRTHERS . . .(laughs all around)

Adjourned!

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Posted: 12/12/2011 5:21:04 PM

somewhere in the Washington DC suburbs of northern Virginia:

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA:  Fellow Birthers, I have a special guest.  Now I know how you feel about the opposition, so I ask that you be civil and give our guest a chance to speak.  After all, someday this man may be the most important person on earth . . .(sweat pouring from pooba's forhead).  I would like to introduce Mitt Romney! (shreiks, moans and groans heard from the audience, the band plays a thump)

MITT:  I just want all of you to know that in order to defeat Barack Obama I need all of your votes desperately!

AGENT 846:  But Romney, yesterday you said on MSNBC that you were not a birther and you believed Obama was born in the USA (a chorus of boos heard throughout the audience).

MITT:  Well, let me finish.  Yesterday I was talking to the liberal media, I had to say that.  But right now, look at who I'm talking too?  (the crowd looks at each other)  I'm talking to the exact opposite and I've been told that you guy would believe anything!  So I'm declaring myself a birther!  Let the band play (the crowd roars with approval while pooba looks at his chief assistant and shakes his head up and down while the band plays HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN . . .)

Adjourned . . .

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Posted: 12/12/2011 8:08:46 PM

somewhere in the Washington DC suburbs of Northern Virginia:

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA: Today I have a special guest that I know you're going to enjoy.  I present to you the author of that book about Obama, the one and only Jerome Corsi . . . (a standing ovation from the audience)

CORSI:  What's wrong pooba, don't you know the title of my book?  Have you read any of it?

GRAND POOBA:  Well bits and pieces, I . . .

CORSI:  Go into the lobby and buy yourself a copy then come and see me.

POOBA:  (quietly into Jerome's ear)  Um, don't I get a free copy?

CORSI:  Hell no, I'm a conservative.  Cost before cause!  Any questions from the audience?  (silence)  Haven't any of you read my book?  Well all of you march into the lobby and buy a copy.  They're $39.95 unless you want an autographed copy, that's $79.95!

AGENT 101:  Hey wait a minute, these books are desicrating the Cheney/Bush administration!

CORSI:  Hugo you fool, you were supposed to bring out a pallet of "OBAMA NATION" instead you brought out a pallet of:  "The Truth of 911, person and Bush"  Run Hugo, run!!!!! (the band starts playing the funeral song, meanwhile Corsi and Hugo run out the back door as books are being hurled at them while Pooba looks at his chief assistant with his hands on his hips, shaking his head negatively)

 

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Posted: 12/12/2011 9:01:11 PM
You are sad. 
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#7
Posted: 12/13/2011 12:53:09 PM
Rick, I don't quite understand what you mean . . .
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Posted: 12/13/2011 1:08:10 PM

somewhere in the Washington DC suburbs of northern Virginia

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA:  Welcome followers. I have some unpleasant news.  The only guest I could rummage up is Barney Frank. He's going to retire so he's got plenty of time on his hands . . .

SHOUTED FROM THE AUDIENCE:  That's not all he's got on his hands! (laugthter all around)

POOBA:  Be nice, now that Mr. Frankfurter, I mean Frank is going to retire, maybe we can get one of our own into that Massachusettes seat (everybody, and we mean everybody including Barney himself start laughing).  Ladies and gentlemen, Barney Frank (respectful silence).

BARNEY:  Why thank you Mr Big Grand Wizard or whatever, (sheiks, moans and groans from the audience, the grand pooba slowly walks toward the podium, the audience is in terror suspense) 

POOBA:  I can't believe that you called me THAT!  I'm offended!

BARNEY:  You mean the slip about Grand Wizard?

POOBA:  No, I mean you called me BIG.  I've been on the treadmill all week long trying to slim down.

BARNEY:  I'm sorry, and if you were offended by the Grand Wizard remark, I'll take it back . . .

POOBA:  Oh don't be silly, that only brings back fond memories of the good old days (laughter from the audience).

BARNEY:  I just want you people to know that I disagree with your goals.  I think you're on a wild goose chase, so I'm donating $2,500 to your cause.  And Pooba, I appologize for calling you BIG, it's just a habit I got . . .(the audience starts cheering, the band plays HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN and the grand pooba looks at his assistant and says:  "Do I look fat in this sheet?")

Adjourned

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Posted: 12/14/2011 10:34:58 AM

somewhere in the Washington DC suburbs of northern Virginia

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL

GRAND POOBA:  Fellow followers, I have some sad news.  It seems that somebody over there in Washington DeeCeeze doesn't like our gatherings.  I got this notice from the "FAIRNESS PEOPLE".  It says we have to show the "other" point of view too or have our tax-exempt status revoked (boos heard from the audience).  Now our guest tonight is sooooo far out there, that Barack Obama has to look to his left, squint his eyes just to locate him.  You all checked your guns at the door like I asked, Ok, good.  I present to you Keith Olbermann (chairs and tables being hurled at Olbermann as the crowd is visibly upset).

OLBERMANN:  Well Pooba, thanks for letting me use te Popemobile for protection.  Nya nya nya nya nya nya, you can't hurt me, I'm in the Popemobile!

AGENT 210:  And we're protected too from one of those pimples on your face exploding! (laughter all around)

POOBA:  Be nice, remember many of you have two strikes, that's why I had you check your guns at the door.  Now Mr. Olbermann, I hold in my hand an important document (pooba whips out a long piece of paper that continues to unfold until it hits the ground).

OLBERMANN:  I'm not suprised you carry the Declaration of Independence around with you, Pooba!

POOBA:  Oh, it's not the Declaration of Independence, it's a list of EVERY JOB YOU'VE EVER HAD! (laughter from the audience while Olbermann clinches his teeth and grimaces).  Plus I have evidence of your education:  Cornell University, you know, one of those liberal northeastern Ivy League scools! (a standing boo-vation from the audience)

OLBERMANN:  Well Pooba, I'm here to tell you that I totally disagree with your cause.  So I'm donating $2,500 to it.  My pal Barack's chances of reelection depend on you and your lemmings (the crowd doesn't react, they don't know what a lemming is).  And Pooba, where did you get your education at, hmmmmm?

POOBA:  Um, why I was educated at that great southern instution, The University of Virginia.  I am a Gamecock!

OLBERMANN:  Naw, a Gamecock would be from South Carolina, a Cavilier would be from Virginia!  I seem to remember a fat kid that looked just like you in one of our college plays, "Two sheets from the Cookoo's Nest".  Admit it, you went to that northeastern Ivy League school, the same one as me! (the band that organ song of suspense, while the grand pooba has that look like he's on a soap opera and the camera's fading into a commercial . . .)

Adjourned.

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#10
Posted: 12/14/2011 3:15:55 PM

This thread is protected by the fact that none of you want to admit you are reading it.  I thank you for your restraint!

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Posted: 12/14/2011 3:49:45 PM

somewhere in the Washington DC suburbs of northern Virginia:

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA: Well followers, I have a very special guest tonight; one that will be so much more fun than the disaster last night.  I introduce to you THE great one, The smart one, THE DONALD! (the crowd jumps to it's feet in roaring applause that lasts 7 minutes while the Donald soaks it up).

THE DONALD:  I understand you had Olbermann here last night.  Why?

POOBA:  Well the Fairness People in DC threatened us with a loss of our tax-exempt status.  They sent me a memo (the crowd obviously angry).

THE DONALD:  Let me read that.  It says: "We understand you've been having guests with only your point of view.  Either you start having guests with both your point and our point on an equal basis or lose your tax-exempt status"  Wow these are supposed to be the "Fairness People" and they admit they have an agenda.  How ludicrous!  Wait there's more: "People with bankrupcies, ex-wives, receding hairlines or act like carnival barkers don't count (audience laughing).

POOBA:  Donald we want to thank you for keeping the Birther issue alive.  Without you the issue would have gone away.  And you are rich.  You know we had to rent out the Popemobile last night and our costs are high and usually this is the time I ask our guests for . . .

THE DONALD: Oh, hell no!  I'm not donating any money to this mickey mouse organization.  I'm a billionaire and plan to stay that way! (the audience used to clapping after everything the Donald says only half claps and looks at each other confused, then a big gust of wind blows through the window and the Donald's hairpiece gets swept away . . .)

THE DONALD:  Hey where did my hair go?

AGENT 210:  It's over there near the Confederate flag . . .(the band starts playing the theme song from Ringling Brothers and the grand pooba looks at his chief assistant with his eyes rolling like a slot machine . . .)

Adjourned

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Posted: 12/15/2011 7:04:17 AM

somewhere in the Washington DC suburbs of northern Virginia:

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA:  Followers as you know, every other day we have to present the 'other' point of view.  So on even days like the 2nd, 4th and 6th our guests will be friendly, and on odd days the guests will be odd.  Why?  Because they are odd! (pooba is waiting for laughs but doesn't get any).  Well that line was funny when I tried it on my chief assistant this morning.  Anyways, since today is odd, it's their turn.  Please welcome MONICA LEWDINSKY! (the males in the audience go crazy with whistles and begging for a date)

MONICA:  Why thank you Pooba!

POOBA:  Well, you're the first lefty to get an ovation like that!

MONICA:  Lefty?  Pooba, I work both sides of the aisle! (whistles from the audience).

POOBA:  Here, take this plaque and sign it.

MONICA:  Pooba, what is it for?

POOBA:  It's a lifetime achievement award for bringing President Bill Clinton to his knees!

MONICA: (giggling) Well, it was a mutual thing! (audience laughing).  OK, I'll sign it!

POOBA:  Here's a pen, why it's out of ink . . .

MONICA: Oh here, give it to me, see you shake it a little, if that doesn't work, you shake it a little faster, then real fast until ~OHH!~ (the ink squirts out making a big mess).  Pooba, I'm sorry, let's go into the dressing room and change . . . (as he's being pulled away by Monica, the chief assistant hands Pooba a cigar, the audience is cheering loudly, while the band starts playing the 'Strippers Song' . . . )

Adjourned

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#13
Posted: 12/15/2011 1:38:54 PM

somewhere in the Washington DC suburbs of northern Virginia:

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA: Followers, I have a very special guest.  He hosts the number one show on the number one cable news network, he's won many awards in journalism, he has his own website and is a fun guy to be around, please welcome Bill O'Reilly (a standing ovation from the audience) . . .

BILL:  Thank you Pooba for the kind introduction.  I can see you did some research on me . . .

POOBA:  No, I just read the index card you gave me earlier.

BILL:  And what's that smell in the dressing room?  It smells like a train wreck in there . . .

POOBA:  (blushing)  Oh, um we had Monica Lewdinsky here last night and I had to take her into the dressing room and . . .

BILL:  Wait a minute!  Do you know who you are talking too?  You had Monica Lewdinsky here before you had ME?

POOBA:  (trying to change the subject)  Bill I want to thank you for promoting our cause!  Because of you the birther cause is exploding accross the country!

BILL:  Don't you watch my show?

POOBA:   Well, bits and pieces, I . . .

BIILL:  If you and your audience watched, you'd see that I have spoken out against this movement as hurting the Republican Party, not helping it.  You're all a bunch of pinheads! (the audience visibly upset gives Bill a standing boo-vation)

AGENT 411: (shouting from the audience) And you're worse than Olbermann was the other night, BILL-O!

BILL-O:  What did he say?  You had O . . .OL . . .OLB . . .

POOBA:  He's frozen up!  Somebody help me turn him around and take him to the dressing room . . .

AGENT 210:  (struggling)  I can't turn him around, he's frozen and he's heavy . . .

POOBA:  You can't turn him around, what do you think the problem is?

AGENT 210:  He's in the no-spin zone!

POOBA:  Quick, somebody call Fox News!

AGENT 409:  What's their number?

POOBA: (angrily) Just grab my cell phone and press redial . . .

Adjourned

 

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#14
Posted: 12/16/2011 1:44:29 PM

somewhere in the Washington DC suburbs of northern Virginia:

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA:  Well followers it's an odd day so you know what that means (groans from the audience).  Without further ado, please welcome that guy from "Hardball", Chris Matthews (queasy moans, you know, the kind you get when you have gas pains from the audience . . .)

MATTHEWS: Ha! Pooba nice to be here to balance out your program.

POOBA:  (rollling his eyes)  Tell us what a hard-hitting journalist from MSNBC does all day . . .

MATTHEWS:  Well this morning I had breakfast with Barry in the White House Tea Room . . .

POOBA:  Isn't it hard to get through security?

MATTHEWS:  If you wear your MSNBC badge, they don't even pat you down.  Ha!

POOBA:  What if you worked for the other news organizations?

MATTHEWS:  CNN has to go through metal detectors and Fox News guys get strip searched.  Don't get in line behind O'Reilly, it's kind of gross!  Ha!

POOBA:  Now during the 2008 camaign, you infamously said, "I got the thrill up my leg!" (moans from the audience, most are sick to their stomaches)  Please explain to us what that means . . .

MATTHEWS:  Barrack's candidacy was like the first date you go on in High School.  You know, you get excited down there then oops! (the audience doesn't react, this kind of behavior from MSNBC anchors is nothing new).

POOBA:  Now I want to talk about ratings.  I hold in my hand the latest ratings.  Take a look . . .

MATTHEWS:  Wow, I knew Obama's approval ratings were low, but not THIS low!

POOBA: Oh those are not Obama's ratings, those are Hardball's ratings!

MATTHEWS: (looking shocked)  Oh, OH!  Um something just happened, I need to find a bathroom and FAST!!

POOBA:  Over there in the corner . . .

AGENT 210:  What happened?  Thrill up his leg?

POOBA:  Nope, this time I think the thrill is going down his leg . . .

Adjourned!

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#15
Posted: 12/20/2011 12:43:06 PM

somewhere in the Washington DC suburbs of northern Virginia:

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA:  Followers I have a very special guest for you.  This woman is bold and brave.  She's not afraid to tell it like it is.  She's America's number one conservative and sweetheart, please welcome Sarah Palin (a standing ovation that lasts 8 minutes).

SARAH:  Thank you pooba, it's so nice to be here with like-minded people who love our country and want to cut taxes and believe in freedom! (another ovation)

POOBA:  Now Sarah you supported Donald Trump when he went on his fact-finding mission in Honolulu.  What is your opinion on Obama and his legal status to serve as commander in chief?

SARAH:  Well pooba, as you know, I'm mavericky . . .

POOBA:  Um, uh, Sarah you took a lot of heat during the '08 campaign, not just here in Washington, but all over the world.  I was channel surfing and I saw the Spanish station talking about you.  They called you "stupido".  How do you react to that?

SARAH:  In what respect pooba?  How can I react to a word if I don't even know what it means?  Does anybody in the audience know what 'stupido' means? (the audience looks at each other shaking their heads no).

POOBA:  I know, let's ask Miguel the janitor.  Miguel, the Spanish station called Mrs. Palin 'stupido', can you tell us what that means?

SARAH:  Yeah Miguel, if I become president someday, I promise I won't deport you . . . but the rest of your family will have to fend for themselves . . . (laughter coming from everybody except Miguel).

MIGUEL:   Mrs. Palin, stupido means friendly.  And you senora Palin are the friendliest person I've ever met . . .

SARAH:  Oh thank you Miguel, that was sweet . . .

ADJOURNED!!

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Posted: 12/21/2011 9:19:03 AM

in the Washington DC suburbs of northern Virginia:

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA:  Last night we had an insightful guest, tonight we have just the opposite.  Now we don't have the funds to rent out the popemobile every week so I ask for your restraint.  Please welcome that infamous San Francisco Progressive from the left coast, Nancy Pelosi. ( a loud boo-vation from the audience that leaves Nancy smiling and proud).

NANCY:  Gee, the last time I got a reception like that was when I showed up at the Fox News studios for an interview! (everybody including Nancy laughing).

POOBA:  Now Nancy, you've been in the government nearly your entire career (moans from the audience).  Why?

NANCY:  (laughing) Do you think anybody in the private sector would hire me? (now everybody else laughs)  Duh!  Make me chief financial officer of Proctor and Gamble and 3 years down the road we're bankrupt from overspending . . . give me a break!

POOBA:  Nancy, you were outspoken on the Cheney/Bush administration's interrogation tactics, mainly waterboarding.  Please explain . . .

NANCY:  Now look, it is imperative that we set high standards on the way we treat prisoners.  It doesn't matter how bad these guys are.  The rest of the world is watching.  I wanted to make sure we treated these guys with dignity and respect . . .

POOBA:  What about Newt Gingrich?

NANCY:  I'm going to rip him a new fool!!

POOBA:  I have a sad announcement.  Due to financial difficulties, we are not getting the donations to cover our costs,  our little gatherings will be coming to an end.

NANCY:  No Pooba!  You must keep going until at least after the election.  I'm going to give you the bailout you need.  And if there's anybody in the audience that needs a bailout, please raise your hands (everybody raises hands).  OK, then, you get a bailout, and you get a bailout, and you get a bailout . . . Agent 210, grab my cell phone out of my purse and call the U.S. Mint . . .

AGENT 210:  What's the number for the U.S Mint?

NANCY:  (angrily because he's asking a dumb question)  Just press redial, duh!

Adjourned.

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Posted: 12/28/2011 1:22:29 PM

in the Washington DC suburbs of northern Virginia:

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA:  Followers, ladies week continues.  When our next guest speaks, the liberals go running for cover.  She's . . .

ANN:  Help!  He's running after me with a hatchet!  CALL IMIGRATION!

MIGUEL:  I'm sorry senora, when I first say you I thought you was a chicken.  You would have made a tasty soup!

ANN:  Pooba, deport him now!

POOBA:  Only if I can find somebody to scrub the toilets for $8.50 an hour,

ANN:  $8.50 an hour?  My God!  When I speak, I make that in a second!  I'd be embarrassed to work for that measly wage.  And I'd bet he has 8 kids to feed too, if he doesn't then he must be a fa**ot!  Miguel, you and your comadres are ruining my America.  If I was President, you'd be on the other side of the fence!

MIGUEL:  You mean I'd be coming to visit you in prison? (everybody laughs)

ANN:  Oh you little jumping bean!

POOBA:  Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ann Culture! (a standing ovation from the audience that lasts 9 seconds)

ANN: You know that in 1960 America was 90% white and the cencus bureau has stated that by 2050 the white population will dip below 50%!  When "they" take over will they be as compassionate to "us" as "we've" been to "them?" (the audience shouts NO!)

POOBA:  What do you think about a Rubio or Jindal Presidency?

ANN:  Oh my God!  A cigar-wrapper or a rag head?  That's when I deport myself and move to Canada!

POOBA:  Ann, I never thought I'd say this to you . . .

ANN:  Say what?

POOBA;  SHUT UP!  Now get the hell out of here before I call the humane society . . .

adjourned . . .

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#18
Posted: 12/29/2011 6:49:34 PM

from the Washington DC suburbs of northern Virginia:

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA:  Well followers I have a special guest for you tonight.  This lady has been setting her listeners straight for over 20 years on the radio.  She's a heroine for what she's not afraid to say, ladies and gentlemen, please welcom Dr Laura Sluttinger! (a standing ovation from the audience)

DR LAURA:  Well thank you, Pooba, it's nice to be amongst friends.

POOBA:  Indeed, we've had some unfreindly guests thanks to the "Fairness People".  We've had Pelosi, Olbermnann and Barney Frank . . .

DR LAURA:  EWWWWWWWWWW!  You mean I shared the same dressing room as Barney Frank?  That's gross, I hope you used Lysol before I showed up (laughter from the audience).  And if B. Hussein Obama was here, I'd hope you'd use twice the Lysol! (a loud standing ovation from the audience)  In fact, we need to get that ****** out of the White House!  You know what, now that I'm not on the radio, I'm going to let my hair down and say it:  ****** ****** ****** ****** ******!  (the audience in a frenzx shouting GO LAURA! GO LAURA! GO LAURA!  while the band plays HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN . . .)

aDjOurNed

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#19
Posted: 12/29/2011 10:58:06 PM

LQQks like someone has a bad case of "Obsessive Birther Syndrome"......

Plus ..What's with all the sexist and racist jibberish you continue to post ?

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#20
Posted: 12/30/2011 7:10:16 AM

Slime, you just proved you read my posts, all the way to the end.  I appreciate your support!

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#21
Posted: 12/30/2011 7:55:30 AM

from the Washington DC suburbs of communist northern Virginia:

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA;  Well followers, I got reamed by the "Fairness People" for having Dr Laura.  So now it's Popemobile time.  Please welcome AL GORE (a loud standing boo-vation that lasts 10 minutes while Al Gore sits in the Popemobile).

AL GORE:  Thanks alot guys, that boo-vation just melted another iceburg.

POOBA:  Now Al, you are the founder and chair of the "Alliance for Climate Protection" (more boos from the audience).  What do you have to say for yourself?

AL GORE:  I'm here to save the planet from the wrath of evil big business.

POOBA:  You also claim to have invented Internet Porn? (a sudden standing ovation emerges from the croud)

AL GORE:  NO!  I invented the internet and me and Tipper were the inspiration for the book and movie "Love Story".

POOBA:  What else have you done

AL GORE:  I'm so glad you asked that question.  I've won the award from the "Intergovernmental Panel On Climate Change".  I've won a Grammy award,  a Primetime Emmy award, I've won a Webby award and was also the subject for the Academy Award for "An Inconvient Truth" I was Time's person of the year. And oh yeah pooba, I almost forgot, i won something you radical right guys never win, "A Nobel Peace Prize"  (Boos from the audience)

POOBA: Now Al, earlier you said you wanted to save the planet from evil big business, but aren't you the co-founder and chair of "Generation Investment Management", the co-founder of "Current TV", on the board of "Apple Inc" and a partner in the venture capital firm, "Kleiner Perkins Caulfield and Byers".  Now what do you have to say?

AL GORE: Um . . . uh . . . it's . . . .

POOBA:  It's an inconvienent truth? . . .

Adjourned

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#22
Posted: 1/2/2012 12:13:57 PM

from the communist Washington DC suburbs of northern Virginia:

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA:  Followers, I have a very special guest today.  He's probably the sanest person on the airwaves, the guy you can trust to tell the truth, he's Glenn Beck! (42% of the audience pop a valium before clapping . . .)

GLENN:  Thank you Pooba and I would shake your hand however I was surfing the internet this morning and I discovered that 84% of middle-aged men masterbate.

POOBA:  Um, really, how did you find that out?

GLENN:  Pooba, oh Pooba, is that a gotcha question?  Well I'll tell you I was investigating Malcolm X and accidentely came accross the site:  Madam XXX.  15 minutes later I called Homeland Security and reamed them about how they suck!  Another great site:  Fox Nudes,  however I'm not sure that God would agree with them.

POOBA:   OK, um, Glenn, now earlier in your career when you were a radio personality in Phoenix, you made a joke about a rival disc jockey's wife having a miscarriage.  Do you regret that?

GLENN:  Regret?  Pooba, why would I regret something that was factually true.  Miscarriage?  I've been a victim of a miscarriage of Justice . . .

POOBA:  Oh no . . .

GLENN:  No, make that a miscarriage of SOCIAL JUSTICE!  Pooba I have been lampooned time and time again, but did you know that the my ratings in Phoenix ascended to the sky like that Japanese tsunami that wiped out villages!  I wiped out the competition so badly, they became childless.

POOBA:  Now you criticized our currdent President as being a racist agianst the white culture.  Please explain . . .

GLENN:  Is that a gotcha question?  Isn't it obvious by the first lady's ample breasts that he prefers black breasts to white breasts?  Um am I connecting the nipples here?  Where's the chalkboard?  Oh there it is, now Pooba, I'm going to put you on a little diet.  I'll spell out your name:  P-O-O-B-A.   First of all you need to lose some weight in your behind.  So we'll eliminate the A in your name, the A stands for behind.  Now I wish apon you that thing that those progressive women always go around with their pink ribbons screaming and shouting.  Asking for donations for their silly cause.

POOBA:  Do you mean breast cancer?

GLENN: (touching his nose)  Absolutely correct pooba.  You get breast cancer.  You lose one breast.  Now look at the "B" in your name, lose one breast.  So you've lost your A and you've lost one breast.  What are you left with?  P-O-O-P.   Now I want to examing the word STRAIGHT JACK ET.  If you're happy, you don't apply and . . .

POOBA:   Um Glenn, we're out of time, thank you so much . . .

adjourned

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#23
Posted: 1/3/2012 2:57:47 PM

from the communist suburbs of northern Virginia:

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA: Followers, today is "their" turn, so I please welcome that comedienne turned actress turned activist, a lady whom I almost never agree with, Whoopi Goldburg (a standing boo-vation from the audience)

WHOOPI:  Gee Pooba, I was kind of hoping that I made Popemobile status.  It would have been really cool to sit inside of that sucker . . .

POOBA:  Actually I don't like sitting in it . .

WHOOPI:  Really, why?

POOBA:  Because I don't like "The View" (pooba starts laughing wildly but nobody else reacts to his bad joke).  Now Whoopi, you have followed down that tragic path that most Hollywood stars travel.  First fame on the big screen then on to Republican bashing.  Why?

WHOOPI:  Well, I'm a stickler for detail.  If you read the really small fine print on the back of your Screen Actors Guild badge, it says:  "By joining the Guild, you agree to become a bleeding heart, dyed in the wool, anti-big business and anti big money liberal"

POOBA:  Why do they request that?

WHOOPI:  It helps ticket sales.

POOBA:  Now I understand that you ticked off Bill O'Reilly and YOU, not him stormed off the set of your program.

WHOOPI:  I upset him? Pooba, don't you ever watch "The View?"

POOBA:  Well bits and pieces, I . . .

WHOOPI:  If you and your denizens of political dysfunction would switch the channel from Faxxed News, you'd see me and Barbara and that token conservative hussy . . .

POOBA:  Um I think you're talking about my sweetheart, Elisbeth Hasslebeck,  You know I have a Farrah Fawcett-like poster of Elisabeth wearing a red, white and blue bikini hanging up on the wall in my bedroom . . .

WHOOPI:  Oh gawd Pooba, I heard Glenn Beck was here last night and I can see you're one of the 84% . . .

POOBA:  (smiling) Yes . . . (gathering himself), Um Whoopi, you defended quarterback Michael Vick, saying that it was part of his cultural upbringing to be using dogs for fighting.  Don't you think that it's kind of childish to hold onto hurtful things from the past?

WHOOPI:  OK then, Pooba, get rid of that Confederate flag hanging on that wall over there . . .

POOBA:  No!

WHOOPI:  Now listen pooba, we disagree on a lot of things, but we probably share common ground on something.  Hmm, Pooba don't you agree that mankind has industrialized this planet and now we are suffering through Global Warming?

POOBA:  No!

WHOOPI:  Don't you agree that Afirmitive Action helps in the fight for equality?

POOBA: No!

WHOOPI:  Pooba, don't you agree that every woman should have the RIGHT TO CHOOSE?

POOBA;  No! . . .wait a minute there's probably just one time that I would have agreed to abortion.

WHOOPI:  OK Pooba, when was that?

POOBA:  56 years ago, the day after your parents made whoopi . . .(Whoopi has that crazy cross-eyed look on her face)

adjourned

 

 

 

 

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#24
Posted: 1/5/2012 11:28:37 PM

from the communist Washington DC suburbs of northern Virginia:

AN UPDATE FROM BIRTHER CENTRAL:

GRAND POOBA:  Followers, you will not believe who I've landed for tonight's gathering.  He's the father of our movement, he's Mr Conservative himself, please welcome RUSH LIMBOG! (a thunderous ovation, the loudest ever heard that lasts 27 minutes)

RUSH:  Oh yes, I really appreciate that 27-minute standing ovation, but it's not quite the record for me.  Why several times I've had standing ovations that lasted almost an hour.

POOBA:  Wow, when was that?

RUSH:  Usually they occur in the mornings after I wake up and am looking at myself in the mirror.

POOBA:  Now Rush, a few years ago you took some heat from the "Liberal Media" because you said, "I hope Obama fails!"

RUSH:  Yes I did, and shame on the media for being so negative towards me.  You don't know how many times I had to call up my guy in West Palm Beach at 3 o' clock in the morning because of what the unfair media said.  You'd think they wanted me to fail . . . 

POOBA:  A way back when you first got your national radio show, you stated that "Feminism was established to give unattractive women access to the mainstream of society"

RUSH:  They should thank me, how else would most of "The View" hosts have gotten a job otherwise? . . .  except of course Elisabeth Hasslebeck who's a real hottie.

POOBA:  Yes, they use her to not only balance out the show on opinions, but on looks too. 

RUSH:  Progressive women just don't, as Chris Matthews would say, give me the thrill up my leg (everybody laughing)

POOBA:  Rush, you were a commentator on Monday Night Football for a few episodes.  What happened?

RUSH:  Well the media doesn't want a white guy to succeed.  Look, I'm the most fair, unbiased, un-racial guy I know.  Besides, who needs the NFL, some games look like battles between the Bloods and the Crips.

POOBA:  Now Rush, you stated on your show one time that you felt that drug users and sellers should get stiff harsh penalties, like prison time.  Do you still agree with that?

RUSH:  You know some of you out there think that ol' Rusho can't admit it when he's wrong.  Well I'm here to say, "I WAS WRONG!"  I think if a legitimate person abuses drugs for legitimate reasons, then he or she should get a slap on the wrists and go to rehab.  Look people, I live in Palm Beach, not West Palm Beach or Hialeah. 

POOBA:  It's another election year.  Who do you think is going to win? 

RUSH:  Do you want the honest to God truth?  I hope Obama wins.

POOBA:  Whaaaaat?  During the Obama years wages have gone down for everybody . . .

RUSH:  Everybody but ME!  Attacking the liberal president puts Ben Franklins into my pockets.  To hell with everybody else . . .

ADJOURNED

 

 

 

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#25
Posted: 1/6/2012 11:22:10 AM


This is like Art Buchwald writing.


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