Ask me anything about being with over 500 prostitues

 To all you "haters" of ChanceP, please stop right now. Do you even KNOW who you're talking to? Do you even realize this man is a legend? This thread is not valid until the following is understood about ChanceP......the toughest son-of-a-bitch alive.

 ChanceP is a son of a bitch!

 ChanceP is the father of every kid in my town.

 ChanceP once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!

 One time I was with ChanceP in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. ChanceP goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm ChanceP! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ChanceP' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!

 He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!

 His poop is used as currency in Argentina.

 He sweats Gatorade

 ChanceP hates Mexicans! And he is half Mexican! .......And he hates irony!

 I once saw him scissor kick Barbra Bush.

 ChanceP is a son of a bitch.

 He sheds his skin once a year.

  ChanceP did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran ChanceP!

 I once saw him eat a whole live chicken.

 He sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, he was pretty normal when it came to that.

 ChanceP is a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!

 Did I ever tell you about the time ChanceP took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally ChanceP takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. ChanceP yelled over the roar of the flames, "Always leave things the way you found em kid!'"

 ChanceP had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese.

 ChanceP is a son of a bitch.

 He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.

 ChanceP taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child.

 They found $60 in change in his stomach.

 ChanceP grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault.

 ChanceP drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"

 He once inhaled a seagull.

 The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress.

 He once had sex with a cigarette machine.

 He once read the Bible while water skiing.

 He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

 You know, ChanceP would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe just to wake up in the morning.

 He has dandruff the size of mice!

 He once jogged a marathon with a fridge on his back.

 ChanceP is a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!

 ChanceP showers in Vodka and feeds his baby shrip scampi.

 Did I ever tell you about the time ChanceP went hunting? ChanceP decides he's going to hunt down all of the Muppets. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Beeker.

 We once had a bachelor party for ChanceP. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

 ChanceP once hosted the Grammys and invented the flame thrower.

 He has a toenail on the end of his penis.

 ChanceP once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms.

 ChanceP family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong.

 ChanceP ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool.

 Did I ever tell you about the time ChanceP was in a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night, ChanceP chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.

 He breastfeeds John Madden. 

 They use ChanceP foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee stadium.

 Did I ever tell you about the time ChanceP taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. ChanceP  said it would've happened sometime.

 ChanceP's semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from 'Terminator 2

 ChanceP still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films.

 He thinks that Iron Man is gay.

 He once played chess against Bobby Fisher. It took ChanceP only seven moves to win, then he proceeded to laugh uncontrolably while beating the shit out of him with the time clock.  

 He once gave a hand job to a mannaray.

 I remember one time ChanceP took his family to Sea World. Anyways, they were watching Shamu the whale when ChanceP got splashed! So ChanceP yells, "I'm Bill ChanceP and no one gets me wet!" So he climbs into the tank, grabs Shamu and throws the whale into the audience, splashes him and yells, "How do you like it?!" And then damn if ChanceP didn't step in there and finish the show!

Did I ever tell you about the time ChanceP forced me to wear a woman's bikini? ChanceP tears off my clothes and forces me to wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing only a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily, but Ill be damned, if at the end of the quarter my sales hadn't tripled!

He makes every woman that sleeps with him refer to him as Bear Bryant.

 ChanceP jumped off the Empire State Building and he only sprained his ankle.

Like an alligator he can fully digest a turtle shell.

Did I ever tell you about the time ChanceP and I went horseback riding, but there weren't any horses around? Anyway, ChanceP throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn't ya know it, my stamina increased with each day, and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, ChanceP decides to enter me into the Breeders Cup under the name Turkish Delight. And I'm running in second place, and I'm running, and I break my ankle. So anyway, they're about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, "God bless him, Dont shoot him, hes a human."

So anyway, ChanceP would put on a white tie and tails and walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra Beverly, and he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, ChanceP had to shoot the maid.

ChanceP is a son of a bitch.