Misery

I'm 32 been sports gambling for 14 years, but only seriously the past 5 years.  Every time I save enough money and start to build a bankroll, I do excellent.  I play maybe 3 games a week and I hit around 70%.  Its easy to hit that high a percentage when you wait.  But I have a bad day or whatever, and I don't want to go back to my drinking and drug use, so I will bet on a 50/50 game that I have no opinion on, just to take my mind off the day.  In these games I hit about 5%.  Furious at myself for breaking my promise that I kept for months about not ever betting a game just to bet it, I chase.  My chase was the Yankees at Dodgers game Sunday.  I put half my bankroll (8k) spread out on the Dodgers to win, and the game not to go to extra innings.  6-2 Dodgers top of 9th, in comes Broxton who is lights out.  Under 1.00 ERA.  Yankees score 4 on with the help of a blown call by the umpire (strike 3 to Granderson), then at 6-5 and one out, the ball is hit to Loney for a tailor made double play to end it.  Instead, he steps on first base and throws home to try to get Granderson at the plate.  I guess he lost track of the number of outs.  6-6 game.  Yankees go on to win 8-6 in extra innings, there goes half my bankroll. 

So I go into severe depression.  Suicidal depression.  Yesterday I feel slightly better so I put a couple thousand on the under 7 of the marlins at braves.  The game ended 4-3 braves for a push but if you watched the game, about 5 freak things happened to put that game into extra innings and then in extra innings Johnny Venters had Helms by 5 yards coming home on a botched suicide sqeeze play and when Chipper threw the ball right to him, he dropped it, Helms scored, 3-2 marlins.  This of course is in extra innings, after it was 2-1 braves top of 9th and Wagner gave up the game tying homerun.  So bottom of 11th in comes the good closer for the marlins.  A walk and 2 hits, braves win 4-3.  Push.  On tilt I play the 2 thousand on under Argentina vs Germany and lose.

My wife and child are coming back from a week long vacation today and I am totally miserable.  I mean I feel like I am on the verge of losing it.  I feel like gambling is the only chance I have to have financial success.  And if I wouldn't break down in my gameplan, I would be very well off financially from gambling by now.  But when I lose control and play a game for fun, it loses every time.  And I chase.  Can anybody relate to this?  I hate myself.  I spent months getting to where I was and its gone. 

Please don't mention gamblers anonymous I've been there and it doesn't work for me.  Gambling is too important, if you have been a drug addict you know how replacement addictions are so much harder to kick than if you simply get addicted to the replacement in the first place.

I just want to be happy.  I'm thankful for my life, family and health.  I believe in and love Jesus.  I don't know I just can't seem to grasp happiness.  I think I may have a chemical imbalance in my brain or something.  I feel so dam horrible, every day, unless my bankroll is where it should be.  And it would take months to get it back to where it was now.  Its pathetic I know.

At least you didn't drop 5u on the angels and royals last night like I did. Typically plays are .5u for me so this hurt. Best of luck to you and take it slow so you can rebuild.

I'm sorry you lost but did you read my post?  I lost over half my bankroll man.  And did you read how I lost it?  I had a 95+% chance of winning every game at the end.

I dropped 28 units.

dude if you can't afford to lose it or can't take it, then get another outlet. Try doing something with your kid, they will appreciate it. We all have bad loses, just like Jelax I had the Angels yesterday and lost $1215, they were 1 strike away from winning. I had a golf matchup that I was losing badly, my guy makes a little run and it looks as if I will at least get a push and get my $345 back and Vijay Singh makes a 29 foot putt to par the last whole and for me to lose by one stroke. Bad loses stink, but if you can't take them without feeling depressed then stop doing it and find something else to do. I have been doing it for about 20 years and loses still get to me, but I don't feel suicidal after the game.

I have no doubt you will survive this recent catastrophe for two reasons... you sound like an intelligent person and you are obviously an experienced gambler. 

The number one rule of gambling (any gambling, sports, casino, whatever) is to protect your bankroll at all times.  So you know you obviously fucked up by risking half the bankroll on one wager.

The second problem is chasing.  All gambling luck is prone to winning and losing streaks.  We've all had that shitty feeling when we can't pick a winner if our lives depended on it.  It happens and when it does, it's the wrong time to chase.  Press when you are winning, cut back or quit when you are losing.

I know these two things are ridiculously simplistic, but gambling really is that simple.  Protect your bankroll at all times and ride the streaks.

One last very important thought...  Always keep in mind that the struggle is not between you and the bookie or you and the casino, or you and somebody else.  The real struggle is between you and yourself.  Discipline is key.  It takes discipline to resist gambling just for the sake of having some action working.  Discipline is what separates the winners from the losers.

I was like that when I gambled heavy, you have to cut down from betting thousands to 100 bucks a game, still the challenge to win, but won't hurt you....
getting down  like you is very serious....bet  c notes and you won't destroy your life and health...I always did everything with my kids...good luck bro...

I built it up from next to nothing.  In the past 3 years I have built from between $200 and $500 to between 10 and 15k in months 4 times.  I lose it all every time due to having a bad day and betting a game to relax.  Losing that game and chasing.  I rarely ever win a chase game.  Its not like flipping a coin its like playing the lottery, even if I play a huge favorite.

And about my kid, I literally spend at least 2 hours a day playing with her and giving her attention.  Really the only other person who suffers from this is my wife.  But she knew what she was getting into when she married me.

Thanks for the advice Jarrett and Golden Goose.  I can't quit gambling for long, when I quit gambling, it means giving up on all my dreams and that is impossible to live with.

what do you do for a living? Trust me there have been a few times I felt like I could live off gambling, but it's so unpredictable. With that said I have lived off of it for about 5 years of my life, but I don't see winning in the long run. If you gamble, then you might as well give up on your dreams, because it will engulf you and your life, if it hasn't already from the way it sounds.

I hear you man. I've gone through VERY tough times myself but suicidal never. Enjoy your family and enjoy the fact that you are a winning player when not on tilt. BTW the game I lost yesterday was probably more than a 95% chance to win. Either way build that roll back up and share some of those 70% winners

Good Luck to you. I dont know really what to say as all sorts of people come on here posting similar stuff like you just did. I will admit yours caught me in a diferent way and I wont make a sarcastic comeback... just wish you the best of luck in your bets and moderation of plays

Thanks for the encouragement.  Wife and kid expected home in a couple hours.  Like every other time and every single hour of every day after this, I will put on a happy face and act like nothing is wrong.  Ripping myself apart on the inside.

You should see a psychologist with experience in gambling addiction disorders. I think it would be highly beneficial. Inparticular, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been proven to be highly effective in the treatment of gambling addictions. I know you say gambling is to important to you to give up, but it doesn't sound to be bringing you too much happiness. You'll start to enjoy life with your family more if you see someone bro. Just my tw cents.  Good luck man.

Your background is very similar to mine (I'm 32, been gambling since age 16, seriously for a little over 4 years). I don't have a kid, but I am married. Build the bankroll up from nothing several times only to lose it with bad management.

I'll offer two bits of advice, if you're interested.. but I'm not sure if it will help much. I was given this advice years ago, but I think lessons don't really hit home until you hit rock bottom for yourself.

1. A "for fun" bet shouldn't consist of 50% of your bankroll. For me, it's 0.5% max which means 20-30 bucks for a fun bet.

2. Chasing is always the wrong move. It's wrong - and I want to make this clear - even if you win. Winning a chase just reinforces bad decision making.

Good luck going forward.. If you had 16K and just lost 10K.. you've still got 6K left which is more than 95% of the guys here.

You want to talk about addiction kid. Look at my career

 

If you get back to the discipline I am sure you will be fine..BOL in the future

You sound a bit like me.  I will build my account balance then get drunk and bet big and stupid.  I haven't bet in 2 months which is a long time for me.  Can't wait till football.  Just chill out man.  Take some time off.  Like Puck in the face said,  you still have 6k.   You have a family and there are much more important things then gambling.  Gambling like anyting else can be dangerous and evil.  Controll it.  Easier said then done.  Be selective.  Gambling has controlled my life for a long time and I know it.  I'm hoping this year will be different.  Gl

You need to stop putting on a happy face and acting like there is nothing wrong.  There is something wrong and you know it.  There is no shame in acknowledging it.  Although you may think it now, gambling is not the golden road to untold riches.  It never is and never will be.  Instead, look at what's really important to you in your life.  Is gambling #1?  I'm guessing its not.  You may believe your financial future depends on it, but it doesn"t.  You mentioned that quitting gambling was quitting on your dream and that was impossible to live with.  Think of it this way.  When your wife and child leave you(and if it goes on too long they will), which feeling is worse?   Not gambling, or not having your child in your life the way you would want?

Speaking from experience, I feel your pain brother, but you need to wake the fuck up. I know without hitting rock bottom its hard to comprehend what I'm about to say:

Money means shit. Its the small things in life that matters. You have a wife and kid, who I am assuming you love. Imagine having those taken from you. Imagine everything being stripped from you.

My rock botton was my best friend being murdered and me facing imprisonment. From that moment on, it was the small things I looked forward to, not the gambling pipe dream. I cherished every morning I woke up and could go outside and take a breath of fresh air, go to work, see friends and family, parking my car in the garage of my house.

As for neglecting your wife?  In every serious relationship I've had, each one my girls main complaint was the time and emotion I put into gambling. The mood swings, it is exhuasting for them. Its not worth losing a loved one over this. Unless gambling is your sole income to support the family, her knowing your passion for gambling going into the relationship means shit, it all changed when you fell in love and had a kid. Chances are, she hates you gambling.

As for the addition part, when I decided to take time off, I picked up some new hobbies to focus my energy on. I choose one that I could use to supplement my income, but wouldn't fuck with me emotionally or financially. I choose glassblowing and it was and is fucking awesome! 

I wish you luck man, you will need it. This is tough to deal with.

Good points Drizle, my post is similar.

Im at work and got side tracked so didnt see your post before I posted mine

WOMEN R NOT FOR SEX ONLY i am married and i own a home a car which is paidoff for and i do not have a credit card   my wife have one for 2000.00

every paycheck i get about 100.00 to 200.00 for gambling and thats it  win or lose . most of my friends have big money problems from gambling  one lost his chinese wife to a black financier and a next lost his home car and his greek wife .

my dad lost my mom and all his stuff so therefore I AM NOT macho and ashamed my wife helps me to BUDGET BUDGET and she shares in the winnings too 

 

ching chong chang ping pong pang

Just wanted to let yall know that I have read the posts and appreciate the advice.  I am trying to get through this time of torture right now.  I'm not planning on gambling and its killing me.  Like I said I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict too.  I have to add gambling to the list of things to fight off now.  I'm hoping these horrible feelings will leave me soon.  Thanks for the advice and encouragement.

Proto, from one man in recovery to another, hang in there.

Some people can drink, gamble, and even do some drugs and it won't turn into a problem ... others simply can not. You know which one you are and you know what you need to do.

Good luck.