I don’t even want to sleep in a house anymore . I think I’m better suited to sleep outside like nature intended . You know , like making a small shelter out of sticks and tree branches and fat leaves as the roof and stuff like that .
I would use squirrels as pillows . I don’t want to see any harm come to any of God’s creatures but a dead squirrel would probably make a better pillow , that way I wouldn’t have to move my neck around so much when it tried to scurry off and I would get a better night’s rest .
yeah man , just me , the stars , and a few hundred natural predators would be my daily routine . I’d dig random holes and pop squats in their like I was preparing to set a record at the Olympics for bowel movements homie , so the toilet situation would literally be : dig and dook .
my strength and musculature would increase by digging those holes where I take shits in so my ability to ward off the animal kingdom’s attacks would greatly increase .
And I’m not sayin’ I would wear a loin cloth or nothin’ cuz it’s been done , and I ain’t no biter of anyone’s style , but I’m just sayin’ , how badass would it be to walk around with a saber toothed tiger’s body wrapped around you for clothing ?
that would be mint dogg and oh so cherry you feel me ? Too bad them overgrown kittens with ginsu chompers went the way of extinction like renting videos at a Blockbuster or buying nudie magazines at a 7-11 . So I’d probably just wear 4 of my really old and used flattened squirrel pillows instead that were all sewn together .
but yeah outside in the wilderness under the watchful eye of the cosmos might be my ideal home . Off the grid . Practicing my meditation . And not so much making the universe my bitch but connecting with it in such a way that what we formed I guess could be best described as an everlasting Kama sutra pose where our dinkies touched and never let go for eternity . In a state of bliss and infinite climaxes forever .
but the bugs man . I forgot about the bugs . Yo fuck that idea . I’m out on that sleepin’ outside shit . Forget it . Terrible idea . What am I gonna wipe my butt with anyway ? My pillow ? No thanks . I’m no heathen .
Established in 1995,
Hot Forum Topics
