Joke I heard.

A woman crashed her car again ,

She told the officer that arrived at the scene that it wasn't her fault He was on the phone Drinking a beer and clearly intoxicated....

The officer stated he had every right to do that he was on his couch watching t.v when you struck his mobile home.....

I went to my daughter's home, and asked to see the paper, she responded no we don't buy those they are destroying the forest too expensive and a waste of money.

She handed me her tablet and said use this...

That fly never knew what hit it .... 

Love this one...

Wish you all the best in the new year brother!

You as well  midnight 

My wife came home and exclaimed " you must think I am the most ignorant batch in town....

I didn't say a word....

That's when the fight started....

A man came upon farmer on his porch and said I see you have a talking dog. Farmer said I had that mutt for 8 years and It never said a word.

The man looked at the dog and said how does he treat you. The dog replied great, I have a bed on the porch he doesn't chain me and when it cold he let me in and I sleep on the couch life is good for me.

The man then saw the farmers horse he said I see you have a talking horse as well. Farmer said that was a pretty neat trick 

So he went to the horse how does he treat you, the horse life is good my stall is clean I have fresh bedding Timothy hay, when we tend the sheep I get extra scoop of oats it is nice for me. 

The man looked out in the pasture and said I see you have some sheep.

The farmer exclaimed they are liars all fucking liars liars everyone....

It seems easier to sack the capital than to drive away from an ice agents these days....maybe that lot should protect the capital building.... 

After all they are supposed to be homeland security.

I came home my wife said the police called they like you to go down to the station for an interview,

I exclaimed babe I have been  drinking and on a coke bender  for the last month but I know I didn't apply for that Job....