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BOYS I AM LOSING MY COMPETITIVE EDGE AND I GOT CALLED OUT AT A HESS GAS
STATION.TODAY I WENT TO PUT 30 DOLLARS OF GAS IN MY TANK AND THIS
IRANIAN MANAGER GIVES ME A HARD TIME.THE F-CKING PUMP WASNT WORKING THE
GAS DIDNT COME OUT HE SAID I MUST HAVE JAMB THE PUMP.I GOT BULLSH-T AND
SIAD WHAT THE F-CK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT GIVE ME BACK MY 30 BUCKS
BEFORE I KICK YOUR ARSE.THE GUY STARTS SWEARING AT ME IN ARABIC OR
SOMETHING MAN I WAS BOILING THIS GUY WAS TRYING TO TAKE MY DOUGH AND
EXPECTS ME TO WALK AWAY.WE ARE SHOUTING I SAID LISTEN PAL I WANT MY
MONEY OR YOU AND I ARE GOING TO BE ROLLING AROUND ON THIS PAVEMENT IN
ABOUT 2 MINUTES.THIS IS A HESS GAS STATION MIND YOU SO THERE ARE A LOT
OF PEOPLE WATCHING THIS SHOUTING MATCH.FINALLY THE KID SAYS I AM GOING
TO GET THE MANAGER I SAID I DONT GIVE A F-CK WHO YOU GET I WANT MY
MONEY BACK THIS IRANIAN THOUGHT I PUMPED MY GAS AND THEN SAID I DIDNT
GET ANY GAS THIS WAS THE BEEF THE PUMP WAS BROKEN.SO I AM STANDING NEXT
TO MY CAR EXPECTING ANOTHER IRANIAN TO COME OUT AND I COULD KNOCK THE
SH-T OUT OF BOTH OF THEM BUT NO OUT OF NOWHERE COMES THIS BIG GREEK GUY
HE LOOKED LIKE ADRIAN ADONIS THE WRESTLER AND HE IS WALKING RIGHT AT ME
LIKE HE IS GOING TO FIGHT ME.THE LITTLE IRANIAN GUY IS NEXT TO HIM AND
HE SAYS THIS GUY BROKE THE PUMP.I TOLD ADONIS I HAVE BEEN COMING HERE
FOR YEARS I NEVER TOUCHED THE PUMP BACK AND FORTH WE GO AGAIN.FELLAS AT
THIS POINT I THOUGHT ADONIS WAS GOING TO COLD COCK ME AND YES I WAS A
LITTLE NERVOUS HE WAS PROBABLY 30 AND I AM 44 AND WITHOUT JOHNNY
KNOCKDOWN NEXT TO ME AND I AM TRYING TO HOLD MY GROUND AS A TOUGH
GUY.FINALLY ADONIS SPEAKS HE SAYS LISTEN MY MANAGER SAID YOU BROKE THE
PUMP AND ALREADY HAVE YOUR 30 DOLLARS OF GAS IN YOUR TANK.I FINALLY GOT
SOME BALLS UP AND SAID LISTEN ADONIS EITHER I GET MY 30 BUCKS BACK OR
TONIGHT THIS GAS STATION WILL LOOK LIKE THE 4TH OF JULY YOU GOT IT
PAL.NOW ITS ADONIS'S TURN ARE YOU THREATENING ME PAL I WILL CALL THE
COPS RIGHT NOW AND SEE WHAT THEY SAY.I SAID GO RIGHT AHEAD CALL THE
F-CKING COPS BOYS THIS WAS GETTING UGLY PEOPLE WERE STANDING THERE LIKE
THEY NEVER SAW AN ARGUMENT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MORNING AT A HESS
STATION BEFORE.THIS IS A FIGHT OVER 30 BUCKS FROM A GAS STATION HESS
WHO MAKES MILLIONS.GUESS WHAT HERE COME THE COPS AND NOW EVERYBODY IS
TELLING THERE STORY I TOOK THE COP TO THE SIDE AND DROPPED ONE OF MY
BUDDIES NAMES WHO IS A BOSTON COP AND TOLD HIM THE TRUTH THESE F-CKING
IRANIANS ARE TRYING TO RIP ME OFF.SO THE COP GOES INTO THE GAS STATION
TO TALK TO ADONIS AND ABOUT 5 MINUTES LATER THE IRANIAN AND ADONIS COME
OUT AND APOLOGIZE THEY HAD MADE A MISTAKE WITH THERE ELECTRONIC
REGISTER.MY 30 DOLLARS WASNT ENTERED AND I AM ENTITLED TO 30 DOLLARS OF
GAS.WHAT A F-CKING SCENE THIS WAS YOU DONT KNOW HOW BAD I WANTED TO
TELL ADONIS TO MEET ME IN THE PARKING LOT TONIGHT I WANT HIM TO MEET MY
GOOD FRIEND JOHNNY KNOCKDOWN.WELL I GUESS THIS HAD A HAPPY ENDING I GOT
MY GAS AND I DIDNT GET A BLACK EYE FROM ADONIS I HAVE TO ADMIT I DONT
THINK I COULD HAVE TAKEN THIS GUY BUT I AM GLAD I DIDNT BACK DOWN.BOYS
ALWAYS WATCH YOURSELVES AT THESE HESS STATIONS THEY CAN AND WILL RIP
YOU OFF.I STILL CANT BELIEVE THAT LITTLE IRANIAN GUY GIVING ME SH-T.
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BEANTOWNJIM | 8 |
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OLDSCHOOLPIX I HAVE 6 UNITS SO I FIGURED I WOULD LEARN TO DO OVER ALL THE OLD
FLOORS AND MAYBE THE BATHROOMS I USED TO USE THE STICK ON TILES BUT
THEY DONT LAST ITS RENTAL PROPERTY BUT F-CK IT MY TILING DAYS ARE
OVER.THE REAL KICK IN THE ARSE IS MY WIFE WANTS ME TO TALK TO MY
RUSSIAN NEIGHBOR YURI I GUESS HE HAS SOME FAMILY THAT DOES REMODELING
FOR A REASONABLE PRICE.WHAT THE F-CK LIKE I WANT A BUNCH OF RUSSIANS
RUNNING AROUND TALKING IN THERE NATIVE LANGUAGE HOW MUCH OF A NIT WIT I
AM.I COULD SEE IT NOW 4 RUSSIANS LAUGHING AT THE AMERICAN BOY AND HOW
HE PUT TILE IN WRONG IT WOULD BE LIKE THE OLD STEVE MARTIN DAYS ON
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE THE RUSSIANS WITH THE CHECK PANTS SAYING LOOK AT
THIS GUY BEANTOWNJIM AINT HE A DOPE AND EVERYBODY LAUGHING AND DRINKING
AND SMOKING AT MY EXPENSE I GUESS I HAVE TO SWALLOW MY PRIDE.BOYS I
JUST TOOK A CLOSER LOOK MY TILE IS ACTUALLY 3/4 OF AN INCH OFFLINE HOW
THE F-CK COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED
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BEANTOWNJIM | 30 |
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TONY I GOT ALL CAUGHT UP IN THIS DEAN JOHNSON AND HOME REPAIRS SHOW AND
HOW EASY IT IS TO DO IT YOURSELF.I BOUGHT THE SAW FIGURING I WOULD HAVE
AT LEAST 10 JOBS TO DO IN THE FUTURE BETWEEN THE BATHROOMS AND KITCHENS
AND IT WOULD PAY FOR ITSELF INSTEAD OF HIRING SOMEBODY.I MADE A BIG
MISTAKE THANK GOD I JUST SENT OUT FOR A NICE CHECK FROM BET JAMAICA TO
MINIMIZE THE DAMAGE.NOW MY WIFE SAID TO TRY AND HANG A HUGE WOODEN
FRONT DOOR ON OUR HOUSE MAN IF I F-CK THIS UP I AM SELLING THE HOUSE
AND BUYING A HOUSEBOAT.I WONDER HOW MANY TAKES THEY DO ON T.V. BEFORE
THEY GET IT RIGHT THEY ONLY SHOW YOU THE GOOD THINGS I AM SURE EVEN
THESE GUYS F-CK UP FROM TIME TO TIME. NOBODY IS PERFECT EXCEPT NORM
ABREMS FROM THIS OLD HOUSE.MY WIFE ALWAYS SAYS WHY DIDNT I MARRY A GUY
LIKE NORM WHO CAN FIX THINGS ON HIS OWN INSTEAD OF A LOAF LIKE ME.I AM
SURE SHE WILL GO RUNNING OFF TO HER MOTHER AND TELLING HER HOW MUCH OF
A F-CK UP I AM AND THIS WILL BE TALKED ABOUT ALL THANKSGIVING LONG.DID
YOU GUYS HEAR ABOUT BEANTOWNJIMS TILE FLOOR HEY JIM WHAT HAPPENED.
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BEANTOWNJIM | 30 |
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BOYS MY WIFE IS REALLY UPSET WITH ME TODAY AND SHE ACTUALLY SWORE AT ME
SHE CALLED ME A F-CK UP.I THINK THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE HEARD HER
SWEAR IN 10 YEARS BUT MAYBE SHE HAS A POINT.BOYS I ALWAYS WATCH THIS
OLD HOUSE AND ALL THESE OTHER PROGRAMS THE DO IT YOURSELF SHOWS AND
THEY MAKE EVERYTHING LOOK SO EASY.SO I DECIDED YESTERDAY THAT I WAS
GOING TO PUT DOWN A CERAMIC TILE FLOOR BY MYSELF PIECE OF CAKE RIGHT
WRONG I F-CKED IT UP.THE GUY AT HOME DEPOT SAID LAYING A TILE FLOOR IS
EASY HE COULD TRAIN 2 MONKEYS AT THE FRANKLIN PARK ZOO TO DO IT.SO I
SAID FINE I WILL BUY A 300 DOLLAR WATER SAW MORTAR MIX GROUT AND DO THE
JOB MYSELF[img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif[/img] BIG MISTAKE
FELLAS.THE OLD FLOOR HAD THOSE CHEAP STICK ON TILES SO I SAID HEY F-CK
IT I CAN FOLLOW THE OLD LINES IT LOOKS STRAIGHT TO ME WELL YOU GUESSED
IT I DID 2-3 ROWS OF TOUGH WORK MIXING MORTAR AND LUGGING AROUND 13 X
13 TILES I SAID WHAT THE F-CK THESE LINES ARE NOT LINING UP IT WAS
ABOUT A 1/4 OF AN INCH OFF.SO I FIGURED I COULD CHEAT A LITTLE WITH THE
SPACING OH MAN NOW I AM F-CKED BY THE 4TH ROW I WAS 1/2 INCH OFF I WAS
SCREWED I KNEW IT WOULD ONLY GET WORSE AS I GET TO THE 9TH ROW OF TILE
SO I STOPPED.NOW MY WIFE IS BULLSH-T AT ME FOR F-CKING UP THE FLOOR IT
WILL COST US AN ADDITIONAL 1000 DOLLARS TO HAVE SOMEBODY COME IN AND
RIP UP MY MISTAKES AND START OVER.SO MUCH FOR THE MONKEY THEORY I AM
THINKING OF GOING BACK TO HOME DEPOT AND PUNCHING OUT THE GUY THAT TOLD
ME IT WAS A PIECE OF CAKE TO PUT IN A TILED FLOOR.IF I EVER RUN INTO
THAT ARSEHOLE DEAN JOHNSON ON THE HOME IMPROVEMENTS STATION WHO ALSO
ENCOURAGES PEOPLE TO DO TILE ON THERE OWN I WILL SMACK HIM RIGHT IN THE
MOUTH I NEVER LIKED THIS YUPPIE person
ANYWAY BOYS HOW CAN I
PROVE TO HONEY PIE THAT I AM NOT A F-CK UP AND BUILD HER CONFIDENCE IN
ME AGAIN I NEED AN EASY DO IT YOURSELF JOB THAT SHE KNOWS I CAN HANDLE.
SHE ALSO MENTIONED THAT I COULDNT EVEN CUT THE LAWN WITHOUT F-CKING UP WHEN MY LAWNMOWER GOT STOLEN LAST YEAR SHE THINKS I AM A REAL LOSER RIGHT NOW AND I MUST REBUILD HER CONFIDENCE IN ME.ITS A TERRIBLE FEELING WHEN SOMEBODY THAT LOVES YOU HAS LOST FAITH WHEN SHE WALKED OUT THE DOOR THIS MORNING SHE SAID DONT TOUCH ANYTHING PLEASE YOU ARE AN ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN.THERE MUST BE SOMETHING I CAN DO TO RE-NEW HER FAITH IN ME EVEN BROWNIE MY DOG THINKS I AM A F-CK UP THE OTHER DAY I WAS WALKING HIM IN THE PARK AND HE WAS GOING HOME WITH ANOTHER PERSON EVEN THOUGH I WAS CALLING HIM. |
BEANTOWNJIM | 30 |
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