Most emabarrassing moment of my life... me and a buddy were at a bar... I got a huge shit cramp hit me in my lower stomach, so i hauled ass to the restroom... saw the sign, headed down a hallway, which at the end were both the mens and womens side by side, and about 14 girls all lined up waiting their turn...so no way was i about to shit and then walk out for everyone to know I had just taken a slam, so I told my buddy we had to go... after minutes of arguing, we jumped in the car and hauled ass to a burger king a few miles down the road... jumped out ran up to the door, but no luck they had just closed...now panicked i jump back in the car and speed across the parking lot to Food World.... parked in the fire lane next to the door... tried to walk in cool, but at the same time sweating monster bullets because I know that any second i will be shitting, whether i am in a restroom or not.. I turn the corner down the long bread isle, and at this point i am walking pigeon toed with my hand pressing against the back of my ass trying to hold it in... too late... i have completely shit my pants full in the grocery store.... luckily it was late at night...not many people in the store shopping, but as my luck would have it, there was a young guy in the restroom cleaning it when i arrived... Very embarrassed and smelling like shit I walk into a stall, take off my pants and carefully remove my shitty underwear and chunked them in the trashcan... I night i wish i could forget, but my friend and wife will never let me.
Well I guess that's where the expression Roll Tide comes from....
Most emabarrassing moment of my life... me and a buddy were at a bar... I got a huge shit cramp hit me in my lower stomach, so i hauled ass to the restroom... saw the sign, headed down a hallway, which at the end were both the mens and womens side by side, and about 14 girls all lined up waiting their turn...so no way was i about to shit and then walk out for everyone to know I had just taken a slam, so I told my buddy we had to go... after minutes of arguing, we jumped in the car and hauled ass to a burger king a few miles down the road... jumped out ran up to the door, but no luck they had just closed...now panicked i jump back in the car and speed across the parking lot to Food World.... parked in the fire lane next to the door... tried to walk in cool, but at the same time sweating monster bullets because I know that any second i will be shitting, whether i am in a restroom or not.. I turn the corner down the long bread isle, and at this point i am walking pigeon toed with my hand pressing against the back of my ass trying to hold it in... too late... i have completely shit my pants full in the grocery store.... luckily it was late at night...not many people in the store shopping, but as my luck would have it, there was a young guy in the restroom cleaning it when i arrived... Very embarrassed and smelling like shit I walk into a stall, take off my pants and carefully remove my shitty underwear and chunked them in the trashcan... I night i wish i could forget, but my friend and wife will never let me.
Well I guess that's where the expression Roll Tide comes from....
my moms friend and i beat this black dude til he shit himself once. my brother had went out to run an errand one night and hopped in his bronco and in the passenger seat was this motherfucker who had broken a window and had his deck halfway out. i hear my bro yellin and i ran out, see him standin next to the dude yellin. im like wtf and rush up ready to roll this piece of shit. he sees me comin and breaks, but only gets 2 steps as i trip him and he goes skiddin across the asphalt, but he gets up and hauls ass down the street. by this time my moms friend comes out, i tell him to get in my jeep, i grab a 7 iron and we take off after him. we roll around the neighborhood knowing hes holed up somewhere, after 20 min or so we start to head back to my house when we see this dumbfuck walkin down the street, i slam on the brakes and we both jump out and chase him across the street, over a couple walls and through 2 backyards before cornering him on some poor ladies porch where we proceed to throw him a beatin. hes poundin on this ladies door screamin call the cops and tryin to block punches to the face from my moms friend while im breaking this club over his head. my moms friend finally says stop so i give him one good kick right between the eyes. by this time the cops show up so i drop the broken club and we go tell them whats going on. turns out the cop was on the church softball team with my moms friend, so he takes our statements and cuffs up the dude. he smells something nasty and asks dude wtf did you shit yourself? dude says yeah and then does it again just to piss the cop off. i go grab my jeep which i left runnin in the middle of the next street and we go back to the house so my brother can identify him and we all have a good laugh as dude gets taken to jail for burglary and had to pay to fix the window he broke
my moms friend and i beat this black dude til he shit himself once. my brother had went out to run an errand one night and hopped in his bronco and in the passenger seat was this motherfucker who had broken a window and had his deck halfway out. i hear my bro yellin and i ran out, see him standin next to the dude yellin. im like wtf and rush up ready to roll this piece of shit. he sees me comin and breaks, but only gets 2 steps as i trip him and he goes skiddin across the asphalt, but he gets up and hauls ass down the street. by this time my moms friend comes out, i tell him to get in my jeep, i grab a 7 iron and we take off after him. we roll around the neighborhood knowing hes holed up somewhere, after 20 min or so we start to head back to my house when we see this dumbfuck walkin down the street, i slam on the brakes and we both jump out and chase him across the street, over a couple walls and through 2 backyards before cornering him on some poor ladies porch where we proceed to throw him a beatin. hes poundin on this ladies door screamin call the cops and tryin to block punches to the face from my moms friend while im breaking this club over his head. my moms friend finally says stop so i give him one good kick right between the eyes. by this time the cops show up so i drop the broken club and we go tell them whats going on. turns out the cop was on the church softball team with my moms friend, so he takes our statements and cuffs up the dude. he smells something nasty and asks dude wtf did you shit yourself? dude says yeah and then does it again just to piss the cop off. i go grab my jeep which i left runnin in the middle of the next street and we go back to the house so my brother can identify him and we all have a good laugh as dude gets taken to jail for burglary and had to pay to fix the window he broke
So was the burger tasty or what? Grilled sour dough, beef patty, onions, jalepenos, pepper jack cheese and santa fe sauce. We don't get any of that kind of shit up here.
So was the burger tasty or what? Grilled sour dough, beef patty, onions, jalepenos, pepper jack cheese and santa fe sauce. We don't get any of that kind of shit up here.
It was, but I stopped eating fast food often 7 years ago, so now whenever I do something like this happens. Carls junior is basically Hardees. My favorite is in n out burger, stomach problems are worth it.
It was, but I stopped eating fast food often 7 years ago, so now whenever I do something like this happens. Carls junior is basically Hardees. My favorite is in n out burger, stomach problems are worth it.
Jay10 has a great sense of humor. If you took offense than I apologize. I'm a giant mutt, so just about every racial joke ever said on covers applies to me. Meant no harm.
Jay10 has a great sense of humor. If you took offense than I apologize. I'm a giant mutt, so just about every racial joke ever said on covers applies to me. Meant no harm.
From personal experience, as you age, NEVER try to squeeze out a fart unless you are on the shitter. Even though the last 9 warning shots went go off without a hitch, the 10th one always seems to backfire.
And especially don't try to squeeze out a fart while driving home after a buffet. That is like playing Russian Roulette with your tidy whities.
From personal experience, as you age, NEVER try to squeeze out a fart unless you are on the shitter. Even though the last 9 warning shots went go off without a hitch, the 10th one always seems to backfire.
And especially don't try to squeeze out a fart while driving home after a buffet. That is like playing Russian Roulette with your tidy whities.
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