Just got a very bad phone call. They found a friend of mine dead in his apartment, 36 years old. He had a drug problem, but the last time I saw him about a week ago he seemed to be doing very well. He had been good for a few months.
This has absolutely floored me, he left behind an estranged wife (they were working things out) and a handicapped 7 year old daughter.
I just can make any sense of this. I partied hard in my youth, but I grew up. How can you be such a selfish prick when you know you have a kid who needs you? I'm sad that he's gone, but I'm just as pissed off as I am sad. I've lost friends before, and under fucked up circumstances, but I just can't believe this.
I needed to vent this here, the people I would normally talk to about this stuff would not understand my anger at this whole thing. I grew up in an alcoholic household, I understand addiction, but when you have people that need you how can you do this? Don't get me wrong, I feel for the guy and understand he had a problem that he needed help with, but how can you do this when you are leaving somebody behind who can't take care of themselves?
I'm sorry for bringing this crap here, I'm just completely stunned.
Just got a very bad phone call. They found a friend of mine dead in his apartment, 36 years old. He had a drug problem, but the last time I saw him about a week ago he seemed to be doing very well. He had been good for a few months.
This has absolutely floored me, he left behind an estranged wife (they were working things out) and a handicapped 7 year old daughter.
I just can make any sense of this. I partied hard in my youth, but I grew up. How can you be such a selfish prick when you know you have a kid who needs you? I'm sad that he's gone, but I'm just as pissed off as I am sad. I've lost friends before, and under fucked up circumstances, but I just can't believe this.
I needed to vent this here, the people I would normally talk to about this stuff would not understand my anger at this whole thing. I grew up in an alcoholic household, I understand addiction, but when you have people that need you how can you do this? Don't get me wrong, I feel for the guy and understand he had a problem that he needed help with, but how can you do this when you are leaving somebody behind who can't take care of themselves?
I'm sorry for bringing this crap here, I'm just completely stunned.
hard to feel bad for people that ice themselves...had a good friend of mine shoot himself in the head a few years ago and i still dont understand....i see his brother in the bar from time to time and we talk about him and laugh and even he still dont have a clue why or what caused him to do that...this dude was married with a hot wife, had a great job, and a young son...just never know man
life is pretty fucked up for some you never know what kind of thoughts are going through peoples heads.
hard to feel bad for people that ice themselves...had a good friend of mine shoot himself in the head a few years ago and i still dont understand....i see his brother in the bar from time to time and we talk about him and laugh and even he still dont have a clue why or what caused him to do that...this dude was married with a hot wife, had a great job, and a young son...just never know man
life is pretty fucked up for some you never know what kind of thoughts are going through peoples heads.
I guess that's what my problem is here dad - he wasn't some jerkoff lowlife, he worked 2 jobs and took care of business. One of the nicest guys I've ever known, would go out of his way for you.
It's sad, I'll probably never understand, and my prayers go out to his wife and kid - maybe this was how it was supposed to be for them.
I guess that's what my problem is here dad - he wasn't some jerkoff lowlife, he worked 2 jobs and took care of business. One of the nicest guys I've ever known, would go out of his way for you.
It's sad, I'll probably never understand, and my prayers go out to his wife and kid - maybe this was how it was supposed to be for them.
3rd....as outsiders there's nothing really any of us can say. As you stated, hopefully your buddy found some semblance of peace. Now more importantly, hopefully his family and friends step up to help support his wife and raise his daughter. As for you, your anger is a natural reaction...just give him the benefit of the doubt and remember the good times.
3rd....as outsiders there's nothing really any of us can say. As you stated, hopefully your buddy found some semblance of peace. Now more importantly, hopefully his family and friends step up to help support his wife and raise his daughter. As for you, your anger is a natural reaction...just give him the benefit of the doubt and remember the good times.
sorry to hear that brother.. I understand this better than most cause I have and continue too struggle with addiction. Just realize he never meant to leave his wife and child behind. He was just a victim of his own demons. Not trying to make excuses. Thats just a different perspective,
sorry to hear that brother.. I understand this better than most cause I have and continue too struggle with addiction. Just realize he never meant to leave his wife and child behind. He was just a victim of his own demons. Not trying to make excuses. Thats just a different perspective,
sorry 3rd i kind of misunderstood this thread...for whatever reason i assumed this was a sucidide...please disregard my last post, totally different matter here than my situation i explained.
sorry 3rd i kind of misunderstood this thread...for whatever reason i assumed this was a sucidide...please disregard my last post, totally different matter here than my situation i explained.
my condolences go out to you and yours. Some of us are just stronger willed people, and i often get hung up on why someone does what they do. I have my own problems, but i can manage them and know my limits. Like you i partyed hard, but have learned to live for the future and for others rather than just for myself, and it takes hard work and preserverance, which some people just don't come with. Over time, your emotions will change for the guy. Hopefully like sizz said his wife and kid will get the support they need
my condolences go out to you and yours. Some of us are just stronger willed people, and i often get hung up on why someone does what they do. I have my own problems, but i can manage them and know my limits. Like you i partyed hard, but have learned to live for the future and for others rather than just for myself, and it takes hard work and preserverance, which some people just don't come with. Over time, your emotions will change for the guy. Hopefully like sizz said his wife and kid will get the support they need
maybe he didnt have a death wish...he could have just gotten bad stuff
either way, you should have that stuff out of your system when you're married with child
sorry to hear either way...feel horrible for his wife and daughter. you just hope he had the good sense to have life insurance which wont rule this a suicide
maybe he didnt have a death wish...he could have just gotten bad stuff
either way, you should have that stuff out of your system when you're married with child
sorry to hear either way...feel horrible for his wife and daughter. you just hope he had the good sense to have life insurance which wont rule this a suicide
Been down that death road too many times, but never something like this.
Some people never get it. They get caught up in the wrong lifestyle and just crash and burn. The tough part is accepting it.
The even tougher part is trying to look at it from the perspective that perhaps this happened for a reason. You can't take any occurance, good or bad, for granted or in vain.
I got a DUI in February of 2004. A few weeks before that I drove about fifty miles asleep and unaware of where the hell I was until I hit a fucking sign in the middle of a major street. Somehow, I got home. It didn't stop me from driving drunk, but once I got that DUI after a few more near death experiences, I realized what piece of shit I was for doing it. I don't drive drunk anymore. I'd hate to rob somebody of life.
Not that that has anything remotely to do with your situation, but at the same time, let the grief eat at you for a minute and then realize you can use this time to be as supportive as you possibly can to everyone involved and on the fringe. You'll get so much more out of it.
Been down that death road too many times, but never something like this.
Some people never get it. They get caught up in the wrong lifestyle and just crash and burn. The tough part is accepting it.
The even tougher part is trying to look at it from the perspective that perhaps this happened for a reason. You can't take any occurance, good or bad, for granted or in vain.
I got a DUI in February of 2004. A few weeks before that I drove about fifty miles asleep and unaware of where the hell I was until I hit a fucking sign in the middle of a major street. Somehow, I got home. It didn't stop me from driving drunk, but once I got that DUI after a few more near death experiences, I realized what piece of shit I was for doing it. I don't drive drunk anymore. I'd hate to rob somebody of life.
Not that that has anything remotely to do with your situation, but at the same time, let the grief eat at you for a minute and then realize you can use this time to be as supportive as you possibly can to everyone involved and on the fringe. You'll get so much more out of it.
Drew, I understand. I went through a real bad time with coke when I was 21-22 years old, and the best thing that came out of all of it is that I finally understood why my pop continued to drink hard in spite of how bad it was fucking his life up. I was finally able to forgive him. I did a 30 day stint basically to hide out, I had no intention or desire to stop what I was doing, but I got myself in a jam and needed to regroup.
I did NOTHING for over 3 years, and for all my hard work I was rewarded with a fiance who cheated on me, all kinds of self inflicted financial damage, and a whole world of shit that happened to me that I had nothing to do with that altered the course of my life. At the time I was like, WTF? I finally get my shit together and the whole universe decides to take a crap in my pocket. It just didn't seem fair. Looking back I ended up exactly where I was supposed to be, and got what I needed. The girl I got my act together for didn't find me as exciting or appealing after I became a model citizen - ain't that a bitch?
I'll drink occasionaly now, and I'll still have a ..... night out once in a great while (while AA works for most, I got much better when I took all that pressure off myself) but nothing that fucks with my life, my work, my family - that's just unacceptable to me. Taking yourself down is one thing, but inncocent bystanders shouldn't have to suffer because of it.
That's what is bothering me the most, he has a kid who is already at a major disadvantage, and he let her down. I know life is hard, but this kid doesn't have a choice in helping herself, and he knew that.
I really hope he is at peace, it must be hard to have a child like that - nobody expects it. I feel bad for him, but it bugs me that the people he worked for (major law firm) didin't force his hand to get better (they knew), and that his selfish ass couldn't pull it together for his kid. I don't have kids, so I can't claim to understand the pressure. I'll forgive, I just hope everything works out for the ones he left behind.
Drew, I understand. I went through a real bad time with coke when I was 21-22 years old, and the best thing that came out of all of it is that I finally understood why my pop continued to drink hard in spite of how bad it was fucking his life up. I was finally able to forgive him. I did a 30 day stint basically to hide out, I had no intention or desire to stop what I was doing, but I got myself in a jam and needed to regroup.
I did NOTHING for over 3 years, and for all my hard work I was rewarded with a fiance who cheated on me, all kinds of self inflicted financial damage, and a whole world of shit that happened to me that I had nothing to do with that altered the course of my life. At the time I was like, WTF? I finally get my shit together and the whole universe decides to take a crap in my pocket. It just didn't seem fair. Looking back I ended up exactly where I was supposed to be, and got what I needed. The girl I got my act together for didn't find me as exciting or appealing after I became a model citizen - ain't that a bitch?
I'll drink occasionaly now, and I'll still have a ..... night out once in a great while (while AA works for most, I got much better when I took all that pressure off myself) but nothing that fucks with my life, my work, my family - that's just unacceptable to me. Taking yourself down is one thing, but inncocent bystanders shouldn't have to suffer because of it.
That's what is bothering me the most, he has a kid who is already at a major disadvantage, and he let her down. I know life is hard, but this kid doesn't have a choice in helping herself, and he knew that.
I really hope he is at peace, it must be hard to have a child like that - nobody expects it. I feel bad for him, but it bugs me that the people he worked for (major law firm) didin't force his hand to get better (they knew), and that his selfish ass couldn't pull it together for his kid. I don't have kids, so I can't claim to understand the pressure. I'll forgive, I just hope everything works out for the ones he left behind.
This really sucks - the world lost a good one today. Great intentions, even if he couldn't follow through because of what he was going through, truly a good heart, I will do what I can for his wife and his kid, even though I don't know them very well (I knew him, but barely met his family) Rest in peace my friend.
This really sucks - the world lost a good one today. Great intentions, even if he couldn't follow through because of what he was going through, truly a good heart, I will do what I can for his wife and his kid, even though I don't know them very well (I knew him, but barely met his family) Rest in peace my friend.
sorry 3rd i kind of misunderstood this thread...for whatever reason i assumed this was a sucidide...please disregard my last post, totally different matter here than my situation i explained.
You weren't too far off the mark dad - it was most certainly self inflicted, sick or not.
I'm too much of a prick to ever check out, no matter what. I believe in homicide before suicide. I've been reallly down & out, but I just would never check myself out of hotel earth without taking several deserving mf'ers with me.
I really feel for this guy, he had everything to get his shit together for, I'm truly sorry he didn't get the chance.
sorry 3rd i kind of misunderstood this thread...for whatever reason i assumed this was a sucidide...please disregard my last post, totally different matter here than my situation i explained.
You weren't too far off the mark dad - it was most certainly self inflicted, sick or not.
I'm too much of a prick to ever check out, no matter what. I believe in homicide before suicide. I've been reallly down & out, but I just would never check myself out of hotel earth without taking several deserving mf'ers with me.
I really feel for this guy, he had everything to get his shit together for, I'm truly sorry he didn't get the chance.
I figured out what's really bugging me - I feel like I could have helped more than I did. I've put my past troubles so far behind me that it seems irrelevant to me. It's also embarassing to admit that you had a problem, and it's uncomfartable to bring it up. You should see the life insurance quotes I've gotten - rehab is an albatross. I have a really good life considering where I was and where I was headed when I was a youngster. I feel like I should have done more to help, even though I know it's not my responsibility - he was the only one who could have fixed things.
I just can't relate anymore, and I was selfish not to expose myself and help him more. It may not have changed anything, but I'll never know now.
I'm outta here, I need to go do something and live and get outta my head.
I figured out what's really bugging me - I feel like I could have helped more than I did. I've put my past troubles so far behind me that it seems irrelevant to me. It's also embarassing to admit that you had a problem, and it's uncomfartable to bring it up. You should see the life insurance quotes I've gotten - rehab is an albatross. I have a really good life considering where I was and where I was headed when I was a youngster. I feel like I should have done more to help, even though I know it's not my responsibility - he was the only one who could have fixed things.
I just can't relate anymore, and I was selfish not to expose myself and help him more. It may not have changed anything, but I'll never know now.
I'm outta here, I need to go do something and live and get outta my head.
3rd sorry to hear about your loss, you seem like a really good guy, and reading this only brings that point home more.
It sounded like you were blaming yourself a little bit above (which is normal) but you just can't do that. We all have problems, some just worse than others. Some of us can deal with them on our own, and others can't....Drew hit the latter on the head.
3rd my only advice to you is honor your friend, I lost a best friend 8 years ago to a freak accident, and I wear him with me everyday.
3rd sorry to hear about your loss, you seem like a really good guy, and reading this only brings that point home more.
It sounded like you were blaming yourself a little bit above (which is normal) but you just can't do that. We all have problems, some just worse than others. Some of us can deal with them on our own, and others can't....Drew hit the latter on the head.
3rd my only advice to you is honor your friend, I lost a best friend 8 years ago to a freak accident, and I wear him with me everyday.
Sorry to hear about your friend, 3rd. None of us know the whole story, but please don't beat yourself up. Those of us that know you, know that you are a good man with a good heart and you would have done whatever you could to keep this from happening.
Sorry to hear about your friend, 3rd. None of us know the whole story, but please don't beat yourself up. Those of us that know you, know that you are a good man with a good heart and you would have done whatever you could to keep this from happening.
Doug, G8R and Ricke have hit the nail on the head. Don't feel guilty because he was too selfish and didn't want to help himself. Nor should you feel guilty because you came out the otherside.
Doug, G8R and Ricke have hit the nail on the head. Don't feel guilty because he was too selfish and didn't want to help himself. Nor should you feel guilty because you came out the otherside.
Wow this is heavy stuff. It really makes you think about how good you have it sometimes. Make sure you do what you can for his little girl. Im sure he would do the same for you.
Wow this is heavy stuff. It really makes you think about how good you have it sometimes. Make sure you do what you can for his little girl. Im sure he would do the same for you.
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