Florida
State -18 over Clemson – even if this bet didn’t make sense, we’d have to take
FSU just so we can tomahawk chop and dance with Chief Osceola headdress for 3
hours straight in the book. The good news is the bet does make sense. And the
other good news is....you’re fired. By the time he’s done, skilled orator
Jameis Winston will think passing against the Clemson secondary is as easy as
bringing home crablegs from a Publix. Meanwhile, Mensa-member Dabo Swinny will
take time off from his quantum physics dissertation to watch his whole defense
get treated like they intercepted a pass in the 1978 Gator bowl right next to
Woody Hayes…..one big punch in the neck after another. Bring advil, because our
shoulders will be hurting big time after all the tomahawk chopping we’ll be
doing on Sat.
Oklahoma -11 over West Virginia –
Oklahoma’s biggest issue in the game will be keeping the Boomer Sooner horses
hydrated with all the running they’ll be doing after TDs on Sat night. By
game's end, they’ll be drinking water from the trough like Thunderbolt from the
Three Stooges after it ate the pepperino nuts. Sooners will score early and
often in what will be an absolute Sergeant Slaughter. In fact, by the time the
game is done, the Mountaineers will look like they’ve just finished a 20 story
elevator ride with George Steinbrenner. Start storing up the Rolaids now
for this epic belly laugher.
Oregon
-23 over Washington State -- Tousand!, Tousand! on the Ducks. With a late nite
kickoff, we'll be watching this game as the staff picks up all the pizza boxes,
cigar butts and losing tickets around us (not that there will be any of those
near me). Mark Helfrich will be drinking Coronas like they're going out of
style after he hands Whackjob Mike Leach a major spanking in Pullman. It will
be the Ducks coach, not Wazzu’s (in the form of Mike “Roll Tide!” Price),
saying “After this win, I just want to get drunk tonight. I’m not even going to
eat dinner because I want to get so drunk”. Leach will want to put his whole
team in the equipment shed hotbox. Wazzu taking a safety as time runs out will
not be a factor in this one.
Florida
State -18 over Clemson – even if this bet didn’t make sense, we’d have to take
FSU just so we can tomahawk chop and dance with Chief Osceola headdress for 3
hours straight in the book. The good news is the bet does make sense. And the
other good news is....you’re fired. By the time he’s done, skilled orator
Jameis Winston will think passing against the Clemson secondary is as easy as
bringing home crablegs from a Publix. Meanwhile, Mensa-member Dabo Swinny will
take time off from his quantum physics dissertation to watch his whole defense
get treated like they intercepted a pass in the 1978 Gator bowl right next to
Woody Hayes…..one big punch in the neck after another. Bring advil, because our
shoulders will be hurting big time after all the tomahawk chopping we’ll be
doing on Sat.
Oklahoma -11 over West Virginia –
Oklahoma’s biggest issue in the game will be keeping the Boomer Sooner horses
hydrated with all the running they’ll be doing after TDs on Sat night. By
game's end, they’ll be drinking water from the trough like Thunderbolt from the
Three Stooges after it ate the pepperino nuts. Sooners will score early and
often in what will be an absolute Sergeant Slaughter. In fact, by the time the
game is done, the Mountaineers will look like they’ve just finished a 20 story
elevator ride with George Steinbrenner. Start storing up the Rolaids now
for this epic belly laugher.
Oregon
-23 over Washington State -- Tousand!, Tousand! on the Ducks. With a late nite
kickoff, we'll be watching this game as the staff picks up all the pizza boxes,
cigar butts and losing tickets around us (not that there will be any of those
near me). Mark Helfrich will be drinking Coronas like they're going out of
style after he hands Whackjob Mike Leach a major spanking in Pullman. It will
be the Ducks coach, not Wazzu’s (in the form of Mike “Roll Tide!” Price),
saying “After this win, I just want to get drunk tonight. I’m not even going to
eat dinner because I want to get so drunk”. Leach will want to put his whole
team in the equipment shed hotbox. Wazzu taking a safety as time runs out will
not be a factor in this one.
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