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[Quote: Originally Posted by I_Need_A_Detox]
you couldn't stop talking to a friend to save your marriage and for your kid/s?
it looks like you're the asshole.
So basically no having friends if married? Thats a sad marriage and not one I want to be a part of. You should have a life outside the marriage. Its hard to go through life and not have any friends. If having friends (that I am not having sex with) during marriage makes me an asshole, so be it. IMO- there should be trust in a relationship. Its unhealthy to not have an outside social circle. Friends come in all genders, not always your same gender. Doesnt mean your banging all your friends because they are of the opposite sex. Im going to have to disagree on your previous comment. Having friends doesnt mean I dont care about my spouse or kids. It means I need to be married to someone who can be more understanding about the importance of friends in a relationship. The spouse who cant handle friends obviously has major insecurity issues. I wouldnt say I am entirely right here, and Im not saying the spouse is entirely right either. Im sure there could be a compromise to this issue that wouldnt have resulted in a divorce.
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str8forward | 41 |
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I was open about everything I did and continued to do it despite my spouse agreeing or not. I dont see why I cannot have friends of the opposite sex. I didn't agree that on their view that its cheating, hence why I continued to do it. Am I to blame? So was the answer not to have friends of the opposite sex? To drop them all? That sounds kind of harsh if you ask me. It wasnt like I was on a dating website looking for someone or even having a romantic fling with a person. I think the positive thing I have taken from this entire experience is that of a lesson learned. In the future, to be with someone who is more understanding and willing to talk it out if problems arise. Running from your problems doesnt solve anything. If anything, it creates more problems usually.
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str8forward | 41 |
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I wasn't hiding what I was doing. If I was going to eat dinner with a friend, I disclosed it. I could see my spouses point if I were sneaking around, that seems suspect then. But to be on the up and up about it, I dont see what the big deal is. I met a friend at a restaurant, we ate, and we drove home in seperate cars. Occasionally, I would talk on the phone or text a friend, while my spouse was around. There are other things, but I was open about everything. Is that grounds for a divorce? Really!? The bottom line is nothing I did was sneaky. I believe in honesty in a relationship. If you have to hide what you're doing, perhaps you shouldn't be doing it to begin with. Whatever happened to marriage counseling? Working on a compromise towards whatever the issue may be in the marriage, so the kids dont have to deal with visitation, split holidays and everything a divorce entails. Maybe I'm old fashioned in my views. Oh well..
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str8forward | 41 |
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Quote Originally Posted by Biscuiteater1:
eatin aint cheatin I like that answer |
str8forward | 41 |
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Just to touch on something described earlier, I guess you can say there are shades of gray. Not just black and white as sex or no sex. BUT..I guess what I should've really titled the thread is "why does no one stay married these days"? Whatever happened to being married for 20 years +? Is that going extinct in this day and age? People find loopholes like this, pretend you're cheating--when you're not, and then leave. Marriage is over. Done. Vows are not taken seriously. Its a shame, especially when the children involved ultimately suffer the long term effects. If there are no kids from the marriage, then leave. Who the fuck cares? But, when you have kids involved I feel a real reason should be warranted instead of made up ones. #my2centsonthematter
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str8forward | 41 |
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My spouse wants a divorce based on their version of "cheating", which is having a relationship with someone of the opposite sex minus the sexual part. I feel thats unfair to me as well as the children. No harm, no foul. Unless I had sex with another person, in any way, shape or form, its not cheating. I could sleep (literally) in a bed with someone of the opposite sex, eat dinner with someone of the opposite sex, crochet a sweaterwith someone of the opposite sex, you get my drift. Its not cheating unless sex enters the equation. Period, end of story.
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str8forward | 41 |
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No, Im not asking for the Merriam-Webster version. I'm talking about your version? To me, its sexual intercourse. (Anal, oral, or actual sex). Lets throw kissing and touching in there for good measure. Is eating dinner with a friend cheating? Is talking on the phone with a friend cheating? Am I alone in thinking it just has to do with sexual contact described above? |
str8forward | 41 |
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I feel courts is geared mainly towards lawyers to make money. The more angry you are, the more likely it is you will be unfair and not settle. "Peters" is a perfect client. Everytime I asked the lawyer about mediation, their response wasn't too enthusiatic. Because there is nothing in it for them financially if we settle. He doesnt post anymore, because he knows I am right and these offers of mediation have been on the table for a while now. I have no idea what his problem is. He thinks I cheated, when that is simply not the case. I would even be willing to submit to a lie detector test, if that at all matters. Either way, I hope we can work this out--even if the end result is us not remaining married. Its especially sad for the kids who go months w/o seeing their father. I hope he can stop being so angry about a misunderstanding and work together for our common goals.
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ironlionzion722 | 59 |
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Quote Originally Posted by Peters821:
My ex started dating other guys and didn't want a romantic relationship with me anymore. She didn't want to get divorced, as I was the one paying the bills and she was unemployed. But, if she didn't cheat on me, I would have tried to work it out, as much as possible. Personally, I would want to see my kids grow up and be a part of their lives. Don't get me wrong, I still love my husband. We just have a difference of opinions . This sounds like some make up sex is in order. It seems like "Peters" is disgruntled about the romantic aspect tapering off. I think he needs me to break him off in a hotel room for old times sake. Just like we used to do where I greet him at the hotel door in nothing but a trench coat and lingerie. I just had surgery on the 6th of this month to make me more "pleasurable" down there, maybe he would want to be the first to "break me in". After I'm done with him he will be like "Problems? What problems?" LOL |
ironlionzion722 | 59 |
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Quote Originally Posted by Peters821: Thanks for the advice. I'm trying to keep my mind off it as best I can. I try to hang out with my friends and have started working out at the gym. You are right, one of the positives, is that I don't have to deal with her bs on a daily basis. Yo! Whats up Covers? I bet you never seen this before, but I am
going to put "Peters" on blast. I was enraged at reading all his lies
and had to clear the air on this. I dont like lies to be spread. Its
true, we are married and going through a divorce. Its true, there is a
restraining order against him in place. I stopped having a romantic
relationship with him due to problems we were having. However, what is
not true is that I cheated on him or abused him. That is absolutely,
unequivocally NOT true. Both of us have made mistakes, but who cares at
this point who is right or wrong. I feel there is enough blame to go
around. It would be a waste of our time to talk about right and wrong
since nothing in the past can be changed. I cant change yesterday, I can
only change tomorrow. That being said, what do we do about the here and
now? I am okay with remaining married or getting a divorce. Its his
call. Its not like I have someone on the side, so it can go either way
to me. We have 2 kids (under the age of 5) so if it were up to me, we
would stay married and seek counseling for our issues. I think if we
could get along, it would be fantastic for the kids to have their
father live with us. I mean who doesnt want that, right? I dont think
people aspire to be divorced. If he doesnt want to do that, its his
call. EITHER WAY I AM GAME FOR WHATEVER HE WANTS. I absolutely want him
to be a part of our kids lives. I feel its ridiculous to have to go to
court, when I am willing to mediate. I want to mediate. In fact, I will
pay for all of it and he can pick the person. Or we can sit down at a
Starbucks or something with a pen and paper and figure it out
ourselves. This is a gambling website. I am willing to gamble once I
post this, you will hear not one more peep out of him. Its he who
insists to only speak through attorneys, its he who insists to reject
all offers of mediation. I should be the one complaning on here, not
him. If he wants to have the kids 7 days a week or 1 day a week, his
call. If he wants them 10 hours a day or 1 hour a day, again, HIS CALL. I
am not contesting anything. I dont see what more I can offer him, that I
havent already offered. I am baffled by all of this. Apparently, he
values your opinions, hence why he posted his rants. I dont see why we
have to go to court, if I am willing to settle. He may rebuttle my
argument by saying I am lying or I cant be trusted. Well, lets get it
legally written up. I am willing to pay him thousands of dollars, my own
money--not his, to settle out of court. This is money I came in with
prior to marrying him. I would rather have him take my money, than a
lawyer whom I barely know. I am open minded, if you guys think I need to
offer something else, let me know. I feel I am being fair. I just want
to remain friends at the end of this, or at the very least, cordial.
Guys, what do you think? Advise? Thanks for your help! |
ironlionzion722 | 59 |
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