My girlfriend of 4 years is a "recovering" alcoholic of 9 months until yesterday. Went out for a couple of hours and came home drunk. Had a very rough childhood growing up in Colombia and has no living family here or back in Colombia. I told her before if she can never drink again if she wants a future with me, and I felt she had fallen pretty hard before do to drinking and that she was committed to staying sober. I am in total shock that she compromised my trust. She came home wasted like it was no big deal. My first instinct was anger and wanted to kick her out, but from past experience I learned not to start a fight with an alcoholic and will wait until tomorrow to confront her. Should I put her out? Call her probation officer? Give her another chance? Please help
My girlfriend of 4 years is a "recovering" alcoholic of 9 months until yesterday. Went out for a couple of hours and came home drunk. Had a very rough childhood growing up in Colombia and has no living family here or back in Colombia. I told her before if she can never drink again if she wants a future with me, and I felt she had fallen pretty hard before do to drinking and that she was committed to staying sober. I am in total shock that she compromised my trust. She came home wasted like it was no big deal. My first instinct was anger and wanted to kick her out, but from past experience I learned not to start a fight with an alcoholic and will wait until tomorrow to confront her. Should I put her out? Call her probation officer? Give her another chance? Please help
My girlfriend of 4 years is a "recovering" alcoholic of 9 months until yesterday. Went out for a couple of hours and came home drunk. Had a very rough childhood growing up in Colombia and has no living family here or back in Colombia. I told her before if she can never drink again if she wants a future with me, and I felt she had fallen pretty hard before do to drinking and that she was committed to staying sober. I am in total shock that she compromised my trust. She came home wasted like it was no big deal. My first instinct was anger and wanted to kick her out, but from past experience I learned not to start a fight with an alcoholic and will wait until tomorrow to confront her. Should I put her out? Call her probation officer? Give her another chance? Please help
If you was her, would you want to be simply discarded with nobody of substance to fall back on? It's an unfortunate situation, but it's a lifelong battle. There is no "quick fix" to this situation. Get her whatever help she needs and give her a chance.
Most people become the best they can be after bottoming out at some point. Hopefully this is her last slip before going on another 9 months. You blowing up will guarantee it isn't, I can tell you that much. Good luck, it's a touchy situation at best.
My girlfriend of 4 years is a "recovering" alcoholic of 9 months until yesterday. Went out for a couple of hours and came home drunk. Had a very rough childhood growing up in Colombia and has no living family here or back in Colombia. I told her before if she can never drink again if she wants a future with me, and I felt she had fallen pretty hard before do to drinking and that she was committed to staying sober. I am in total shock that she compromised my trust. She came home wasted like it was no big deal. My first instinct was anger and wanted to kick her out, but from past experience I learned not to start a fight with an alcoholic and will wait until tomorrow to confront her. Should I put her out? Call her probation officer? Give her another chance? Please help
If you was her, would you want to be simply discarded with nobody of substance to fall back on? It's an unfortunate situation, but it's a lifelong battle. There is no "quick fix" to this situation. Get her whatever help she needs and give her a chance.
Most people become the best they can be after bottoming out at some point. Hopefully this is her last slip before going on another 9 months. You blowing up will guarantee it isn't, I can tell you that much. Good luck, it's a touchy situation at best.
My girlfriend of 4 years is a "recovering" alcoholic of 9 months until yesterday. Went out for a couple of hours and came home drunk. Had a very rough childhood growing up in Colombia and has no living family here or back in Colombia. I told her before if she can never drink again if she wants a future with me, and I felt she had fallen pretty hard before do to drinking and that she was committed to staying sober. I am in total shock that she compromised my trust. She came home wasted like it was no big deal. My first instinct was anger and wanted to kick her out, but from past experience I learned not to start a fight with an alcoholic and will wait until tomorrow to confront her. Should I put her out? Call her probation officer? Give her another chance? Please help
My girlfriend of 4 years is a "recovering" alcoholic of 9 months until yesterday. Went out for a couple of hours and came home drunk. Had a very rough childhood growing up in Colombia and has no living family here or back in Colombia. I told her before if she can never drink again if she wants a future with me, and I felt she had fallen pretty hard before do to drinking and that she was committed to staying sober. I am in total shock that she compromised my trust. She came home wasted like it was no big deal. My first instinct was anger and wanted to kick her out, but from past experience I learned not to start a fight with an alcoholic and will wait until tomorrow to confront her. Should I put her out? Call her probation officer? Give her another chance? Please help
op, if you say she was an alcoholic prior to the 9 months that you quoted, she will always be just that, an alcoholic. a person who has quit smoking for 20 years is still a smoker, if they didn't want to be known as one, then they shouldn't have done it in the first place and why? because once a criminal, always a criminal. It's so easy for a person to look back and say that it's been such and such years that i have done this or that, but the reality is as easy as it sounds at how "great" any person expresses how good they have done since the intervention or what have you, it will be just as easy to start right back up again. Recovering alcoholics, criminals, drug addicts, smokers must fight with what they've been and focus on the present each and every so often to help make sure they don't go back to it again if that's what they know is best for them to live on. It definitely helps to have the support group around them, in your case have you as a boyfriend of hers for 4 years addressed her past issues every so often or have you taken the route of being quiet about it hoping she won't go back to it again? You know, even a champion can lose their title as such at any given moment, they must continue to fight hard, train, get better, and fine tune everything they can that made them a champion in the first place. I'm not saying that you would need to touch base on the important issue that you have with her every single day, but 9 months is still relatively new for a recovering person like that.
The important thing is to have a discussion in order to get yourself a better feeling if she really wants to not be an alcoholic anymore. She might even just make a story up or whatever just to appease you, but that's why it's up to you to figure everything out 100% as much as possible especially if you have known her for 4 years at least, you might not know everything about her but you know enough. So honestly i don't think it's a matter of you giving her an ultimatum long time ago "if you drink, then i don't want you" it's a matter of trying to get in touch with her mind and with her heart. Does she really not want to drink anymore because she is intelligent enough to realize what harm it causes her and for those around her too? Is it possible that she is not mature enough to really know what is best for her? Is she not quite over the fact that she does not have any family back home or here? It sounds like there might be some underlying issues really deep inside in such a way that what everyone else might only be able to see is her as an alcoholic when she drinks.
Sounds to me that she didn't respect your wishes the minute she picked up a drink but if it's really that bad with yourself because you've had to deal with so much trauma in the past regarding you having bad experiences with alcoholics or what not, then i guess you have to do what you have to do. But if she really wants to stop it all, she will need a supporting cast to keep following up on her, touching base every so often. The supporting cast must be experienced, understanding, and have compassion because mistakes and relapses are going to happen.
op, if you say she was an alcoholic prior to the 9 months that you quoted, she will always be just that, an alcoholic. a person who has quit smoking for 20 years is still a smoker, if they didn't want to be known as one, then they shouldn't have done it in the first place and why? because once a criminal, always a criminal. It's so easy for a person to look back and say that it's been such and such years that i have done this or that, but the reality is as easy as it sounds at how "great" any person expresses how good they have done since the intervention or what have you, it will be just as easy to start right back up again. Recovering alcoholics, criminals, drug addicts, smokers must fight with what they've been and focus on the present each and every so often to help make sure they don't go back to it again if that's what they know is best for them to live on. It definitely helps to have the support group around them, in your case have you as a boyfriend of hers for 4 years addressed her past issues every so often or have you taken the route of being quiet about it hoping she won't go back to it again? You know, even a champion can lose their title as such at any given moment, they must continue to fight hard, train, get better, and fine tune everything they can that made them a champion in the first place. I'm not saying that you would need to touch base on the important issue that you have with her every single day, but 9 months is still relatively new for a recovering person like that.
The important thing is to have a discussion in order to get yourself a better feeling if she really wants to not be an alcoholic anymore. She might even just make a story up or whatever just to appease you, but that's why it's up to you to figure everything out 100% as much as possible especially if you have known her for 4 years at least, you might not know everything about her but you know enough. So honestly i don't think it's a matter of you giving her an ultimatum long time ago "if you drink, then i don't want you" it's a matter of trying to get in touch with her mind and with her heart. Does she really not want to drink anymore because she is intelligent enough to realize what harm it causes her and for those around her too? Is it possible that she is not mature enough to really know what is best for her? Is she not quite over the fact that she does not have any family back home or here? It sounds like there might be some underlying issues really deep inside in such a way that what everyone else might only be able to see is her as an alcoholic when she drinks.
Sounds to me that she didn't respect your wishes the minute she picked up a drink but if it's really that bad with yourself because you've had to deal with so much trauma in the past regarding you having bad experiences with alcoholics or what not, then i guess you have to do what you have to do. But if she really wants to stop it all, she will need a supporting cast to keep following up on her, touching base every so often. The supporting cast must be experienced, understanding, and have compassion because mistakes and relapses are going to happen.
You should of hit it while she was drunk; maybe even tried to get a little dookie love.
Then you have a talk with her in the morning. If you expect her to be recovered after 8 months then you have never met an addict of any type. This won't be the first or last time she tests your patience during her recovery. The question you need to ask yourself is if she is worth it.
You should of hit it while she was drunk; maybe even tried to get a little dookie love.
Then you have a talk with her in the morning. If you expect her to be recovered after 8 months then you have never met an addict of any type. This won't be the first or last time she tests your patience during her recovery. The question you need to ask yourself is if she is worth it.
A recovering alcoholic is gonna be recovering for her entire life. She temporarily fell off the horse & you'll have to look & see if she gets her shit back together immediately & for what length of time. If she gets messed up again with the next few weeks or months-head for the exits.
A recovering alcoholic is gonna be recovering for her entire life. She temporarily fell off the horse & you'll have to look & see if she gets her shit back together immediately & for what length of time. If she gets messed up again with the next few weeks or months-head for the exits.
You've been with her for 4 years...she didn't drink for 9 months which honestly is a VERY long time for some one not to drink anything if they are a supposed alcoholic. She messed up, made a mistake, don't throw it all away because of this.
You've been with her for 4 years...she didn't drink for 9 months which honestly is a VERY long time for some one not to drink anything if they are a supposed alcoholic. She messed up, made a mistake, don't throw it all away because of this.
Key word in the earlier post was compassion. Buddha's key virtue in our world of human suffering is compassion. Helping someone else is probably the highest form of compassion and helping someone in need is truly a compassionate act. Thinking of oneself is basically a selfish act but it is at least better than a greedy act. I hope your girlfriend will get better but only time will tell. I hope you do not give up on her as maybe she is worthy of your act of kindness and somehow will return this act of kindness to someone else in need and more acts of kindness will spread from this one act. Cause and effect, one of Buddhism universal laws.
Key word in the earlier post was compassion. Buddha's key virtue in our world of human suffering is compassion. Helping someone else is probably the highest form of compassion and helping someone in need is truly a compassionate act. Thinking of oneself is basically a selfish act but it is at least better than a greedy act. I hope your girlfriend will get better but only time will tell. I hope you do not give up on her as maybe she is worthy of your act of kindness and somehow will return this act of kindness to someone else in need and more acts of kindness will spread from this one act. Cause and effect, one of Buddhism universal laws.
Life isn't all or nothing, despite what the Abrahamic religions would have us believe. Nothing is all good or all bad, and people deserve second chances.
Life isn't all or nothing, despite what the Abrahamic religions would have us believe. Nothing is all good or all bad, and people deserve second chances.
Helping someone else maybe the highest form of human behaviour, but until and unless someone wants to help themselves/to be helped, they cannot be reached. If she knew the deal between you both re her drinking, and this lapse is truly being treated as *no big deal* by her, then you aren't the person to her you think you are, which means a reevaluation need to be made by you. Helping someone, and losing your life to someone who'll only waste it, are 2 different things.
Helping someone else maybe the highest form of human behaviour, but until and unless someone wants to help themselves/to be helped, they cannot be reached. If she knew the deal between you both re her drinking, and this lapse is truly being treated as *no big deal* by her, then you aren't the person to her you think you are, which means a reevaluation need to be made by you. Helping someone, and losing your life to someone who'll only waste it, are 2 different things.
All depends on what your gut tells you. I can tell you this: Live is tough enough without the baggage. Just me, but I would let someone else deal with her. You can still be freinds, but I wouldn't commit to someone with a serious issue, and a criminal record. Jmho. Bol whatever you decide.
All depends on what your gut tells you. I can tell you this: Live is tough enough without the baggage. Just me, but I would let someone else deal with her. You can still be freinds, but I wouldn't commit to someone with a serious issue, and a criminal record. Jmho. Bol whatever you decide.
If this is really the first time then give her another shot. If it's the second, third, etc. that's she's broken your trust then toss her ass or it's just going to keep happening.
If this is really the first time then give her another shot. If it's the second, third, etc. that's she's broken your trust then toss her ass or it's just going to keep happening.
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