All Forums | General Discussion

JOKE TIME....post yours here!!!!

...
Participants:
Search model icon
Views: 6562
Posts: 106
 
All-Star
Participation Meter
Joined: Nov, 2005
Posts: 10350
Posted: #26

Lady goes into the doctor's office for her regular female exam. The doctor takes a look says "Oh this is bad" The lady nervously ask "Can it be fixed?" The docor says " Yes but I am going to have to numb you" The lady says " Doctor do what ever you think is necessary" The doctor says " OK"

 

 

 NUMB NUMB NUMB NUMB

 
Rookie
Participation Meter
Joined: Apr, 2009
Posts: 869
Posted: #27
Bustin - Is that a Florida Gators snuggie? 
 
Veteran
Participation Meter
Joined: Feb, 2008
Posts: 1301
Posted: #28

Why did Micky Mouse divorce Mini Mouse???

 

 

Cause she was fuckin Goofy!

 
Veteran
Participation Meter
Joined: Oct, 2001
Posts: 2055
Posted: #29

jay4prez

 

 
All-Star
Participation Meter
Joined: Nov, 2005
Posts: 10350
Posted: #30

Yes it's so soft and comfy... about to make some perfect brownies

 
Veteran
Participation Meter
Joined: Oct, 2006
Posts: 1537
Posted: #31

What's the difference between praying in church & praying when your gambling?

In gambling you really mean it..

 
Prospect
Participation Meter
Joined: Sep, 2009
Posts: 136
Posted: #32
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
 
Rookie
Participation Meter
Joined: Feb, 2007
Posts: 925
Posted: #33

back in the eighties the oklahoma football team couldnt score a touchdown

, they kept snorting up the goal line thinking it was a big line of coke

 
Veteran
Participation Meter
Joined: Oct, 2003
Posts: 3698
Posted: #34
OK - an oldie but goldie.

A man walks into a bar and sitting up at the counter he sees a guy - sat beside the guy up on the counter is a foot tall guy playing a piano.

Curious he says " hey man - where did the little guy come from?"

See that bottle in the corner - give it a rub it will grant u a wish.

So the guy goes and rubs the bottle.

Suddenly the doors of the bar crash open and a flock of ducks come in the bar - a never ending stream of them.

"NO" the guy shouts "I asked for a million BUCKS"

The first guy says

"You think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"
 
Prospect
Participation Meter
Joined: Dec, 2007
Posts: 256
Posted: #35
A husband gets home from a night shift and decides to surprise his wife with oral sex, so he quietly crawls under the blankets and pulls her panties down and proceeds to give her oral.  When hes done he goes in the bathroom to wash his face when he sees his wife in the tub.  He said "what the hell are you doig in here?" she says shhhhh you might wake up your mother
 
Rookie
Participation Meter
Joined: Feb, 2007
Posts: 925
Posted: #36
a guy starts dating  Tiger Woods  ex girlfriend the first night they have sex he thinks he did pretty good, about five minutes after they are done the girl says " you know Tiger would be ready to hit this again", so the guy gives her another shot and thinks he has done his job, well about ten minutes later the girl slides up to him and says " you ready for some more Tiger would be" well he knocks out another piece and thinks he is done.Twenty minute goes by and the girls tells him, what is the problem here Tiger would be tapping this ass already, lets goe knock the bottom out of this . The guy asks her if she still has Tiger Woods phone number that he wants to call him to find out what the par is on this hole
 
Prospect
Participation Meter
Joined: Oct, 2008
Posts: 118
Posted: #37

Another oldie.

Why does Mexico always do so poorly in the Olympics?

 

Because anyone who can run , jump or swim is already here!!!

 
Veteran
Participation Meter
Joined: Oct, 2004
Posts: 1620
Posted: #38
Cant believe i bet vt & over    
 
Veteran
Participation Meter
Joined: Jan, 2009
Posts: 1630
Posted: #39

A guy is in the doctor's office and after being examined the doctor says, "Sir, I have 2 pieces of bad news, each worse than the other. Firstly, you have cancer and have 6 months to live."

The man asks the doctor what the other news is.

The doctor: "You also have alzheimers disease."

The man looks at the doctor with a sigh of relief and says "Whew, at least I dont have cancer!"

 
Legend
Participation Meter
Joined: Jul, 2004
Posts: 169219
Posted: #40
Man this is a Great Thread Natural hilarious I might add

What do you call an Eternal Optimist? An accordion player with a beeper!
 
Legend
Participation Meter
Joined: Jul, 2004
Posts: 169219
Posted: #41

Just wanted you to know I have entered the snapdragon part of my life.    

Part of me has Snapped                       And the rest of me is Draggin'....


What do you call an Eternal Optimist? An accordion player with a beeper!
 
Captain
Participation Meter
Joined: Sep, 2008
Posts: 7850
Posted: #42
I went to my new Urologist, because I was having some pain.  Turned out my new doctor was a woman and was hot as hell.  She said, "The first thing you need to do is quit masterbating".  I said, "Why?"  She said, "because I'm trying to examine you." 
 
Veteran
Participation Meter
Joined: Dec, 2003
Posts: 4691
Posted: #43
A man and his buddy was out hunting.

As the friend was looking through the scope, he said to the man, "Hey, I think your wife is having an affair here, I can see it through your window. What you want to do?"

Angrily, the man said, "Shoot the bastard in his crotch and then shoot her in the head."

The friend then replied, "I can do both that with one shot."
 
Banned
Participation Meter
Joined: Sep, 2009
Posts: 3142
Posted: #44
A guy named icover4u bet vtech 2nd half.....and lost his ass off
 
Rookie
Participation Meter
Joined: Sep, 2005
Posts: 956
Posted: #45
His & Hers Diaries - A Canadian Story

HER DIARY

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.



HIS DIARY

My Snowmobile wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid.
_________________
 
Prospect
Participation Meter
Joined: Dec, 2007
Posts: 256
Posted: #46
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all die. They r in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, tami, have you ever had any contact with a male naughty organ? She giggles and shyly replies, Well once i touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.  He says okay dip the tip of ur finger in the holy water and pass through the gates..He asks the next girl the same question.  She says well i once stroked and fondled one.. he says ok now dip ur hand in the holy water and pass through the gates.  All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One pushes her way to the front of the line. When she gets there St. Peter asks, what seems to be the rush Lacy? She says, if im going to have to gargle that holy water i want to do it before sarah sticks her ass in it
 
Rookie
Participation Meter
Joined: Nov, 2008
Posts: 733
Posted: #47
i have a small penis...
 
Prospect
Participation Meter
Joined: Nov, 2006
Posts: 106
Posted: #48

a guy was sitting in a bar with an abnormally small head... a woman keeps staring at him wondering what is wrong with him... so finally she gets the courage to go ask him why his head is so tiny...

the man explains that he was stranded on an island and a mermaid came to shore and granted him 3 wishes.. the first wish was to be sent off the island.. she she said she would make that happen.. the second wish was to have 1 million dollars.. so she made that happen.. his third wish was to have sex with the mermaid.. the mermaid responded that she was a mermaid and could not have sex... so the man said... oh thats ok.. how bout a little head..

 
Prospect
Participation Meter
Joined: Feb, 2009
Posts: 144
Posted: #49
Guy walking down the beach sees a woman with no arms and no legs crying.
He walks up and asks her "Why are u crying?" she responds, "Ive never been hugged"....so he hugs her and starts to walk away.

She starts crying again and he then asks her "Now why are u crying" she responds, "Ive never been kissed before".....so he kisses her and continues on his way.

Now he hears her crying again, and he thinks to himself, what the fuck man?  So he walks back and says "Now whats the problem?"  she responds, "Ive never been fucked before".......so he picks her up and tosses her into the ocean and says, "Well yer fucked now!!!"

 
 
Rookie
Participation Meter
Joined: Aug, 2007
Posts: 508
Posted: #50
A bum asked a man for $2.

The man replied, "Will you buy booze?"

The bum answered, "No."

The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?"

The bum replied, "No."

"Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

All Forums | General Discussion
About Us
Contact Us
Careers
Our Team
Brand
Testimonials
Betting Guides
Sportsbook Reviews
Sports Betting News
Podcasts
Responsible Gaming
Betting Sites
Canada Betting Sites
Canada Casinos
Best Betting Apps
Contests
Streak Survivor
King of Covers
Office Pools
The Covers community has
810,221
lifetime members worldwide
Covers 30 Years Logo Established in 1995,
Covers is the world
leader in sports
betting information.
Site Map Help Privacy Terms of Service youtube logo facebook logo twitter logo instagram logo linkedin logo google news logo
Covers is verified safe by: Evalon Logo GPWA Logo GDPR Logo GeoTrust Logo Evalon Logo
Copyright © 1995 - 2026 CS Media Limited All Rights Reserved.

If you choose to make use of any information on this website including online sports betting services from any websites that may be featured on this website, we strongly recommend that you carefully check your local laws before doing so.It is your sole responsibility to understand your local laws and observe them strictly.Covers does not provide any advice or guidance as to the legality of online sports betting or other online gambling activities within your jurisdiction and you are responsible for complying with laws that are applicable to you in your relevant locality.Covers disclaims all liability associated with your use of this website and use of any information contained on it.As a condition of using this website, you agree to hold the owner of this website harmless from any claims arising from your use of any services on any third party website that may be featured by Covers.