I guess my relationship with my Dad is officially over.

Man o man, i came on here lookin to catch some insight into the Cub game tmmrw, and spent the last 60 minutes reading every post of ths thread.  In no particular order, but the first:

-Irish, "Thank You" from my heart for your service to our country.  Trust me, I know it's a meaningless and thankless job to many (CERTAINLY NOT ALL!), SO AGAIN, THANK YOU!

Alcoholism is TOUGH, man!! I watched my old man put my brother through a wall, strangle my mother, and that was the not so bad stuff.It does crazycrazt stuff to the head;  I started to see myself going down that path, and put on the brakes. Ive since raised two college students, one a law enforcement officer. My youngest left for college last week..... all great kids.

I DID NOT give up on my Dad when I saw that stuff happen, and I very easily could have.  Today, he is 75 years old, and a great grandfather and terrific great grandfather.  People are not perfect.... sometimes they need a chance to redeeem themselves.  The things he said and did were very harsh.... sounds like it was the alcohol talking.  Tell him like the previous posters mentioned.... its AA, Al-Anon, or no contact with the family.

Good luck, man!

Best post of them all...Right there.

Good Luck Irish...Love and Cherish that little boy everyday of your life.....

Irish, I've been out of the loop for quite a while. Sorry to hear this.

I've gone through the same thing with my wife. She's four years sober now, but we cannot ever be together again. I will always lover her, but it just won't work. She loved baseball. We got married at Candlestick Park in 1999, and it was her idea!

Sadly, I've been through many arguments while she was tanked. It really is a complete fucking waste of time. When you argue with a drunk, there is a tremendous chance that person will not even remember the argument. If venting keeps you from physically beating down your old man, I guess it's a good thing.

However, you, and your brother, as an officer and a gentleman, should have been above that. I realize that this is family, AND I AM NOT SAYING YOU ARE WRONG. But, when dealing with a drunk, you gotta make it "either/or" for a decision. "You don't want to leave the game early? We're leaving, you decide what you want to do......."

You son is only three and probably won't remember this. But, if he was 10, would you have done this? If your wife was in the car, would you have done the same? I believe you would not.

Our Nation owe you and your Brother a debt we cannot repay. You do NOT owe you Father an apology, but you need to tell him his days of this shit are OVER. If he cannot help himself, it is not your job to try and make him "well"

I understand that as a Ranger, you have been taught to deal with any obstacle. I'm sure you could eat a tarantula, sleep on a glacier, and kill a man with your little toe. I'm also sure that part of your Ranger training did not include "Here's how you deal with your alcoholic Father..........."

I'm going to suggest an Al-Anon meeting. Al-Anon is not the same as Alchoholics Anonymus, but has many of the same principles. At least check out the website, okay? You've joined, served, married, had kids.........and dealt with your Dad all your life. You've done some brave things. This may be the bravest thing you can do. Please, just one meeting.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Many people on this board love you, Irish. I'm one of them.

Take care.

Guys,

I continue to greatly appreciate all the opinions of words of support.

Hawk- much respect friend. I am currently researching Al-Anon.

Update on my situation: I talk to Dad every day. As does my son. Because my son is only 3, he does not understand that his Grandpa has a problem. He asks me everyday if he can call "Poppa" and everyday, they talk about the team they both love- the Yankees (I am a Met fan). Today, I handed the phone to my son and he immediately put it to his ear and said "Poppa- the Yankees lost again"....lol.

My Dad is struggling from what happened still. I can hear it in his voice. And I think its a combination of both guilt and some anger (still). I notice that in the morning, things are great. By evening, if we speak on the phone, there is a little more tension and almost anger in his voice. I sense that deep down he is still angry at me for some of the things that I said to him. Of course, I can also hear his voice slurring by night-time. He does not speak to my son after he has been drinking.

He insinuated that he should come visit again soon and I immedaitely splashed cold water on that idea. Too soon. Fortunately, I am taking 5 grad school classes so that is a good excuse (too busy).

You know, as bad as this sounds- sometimes I feel like if he died in his sleep, I would feel not just sadness but some relief. Sounds horrible, doesnt it? I feel guilty as hell saying it but its the real truth. I hear him on the phone and he sounds miserable and drunk and wants to hate on everything. I dont want him to die for me. I just feel like if he went in peace, it'd be like he would be put out of his own misery. He is 68 years old, has not gone to bed sober in about 40 years. I'm not going to end up like that.

Side note. I took my boys to Arlington National Cemetary yesterday for 9/11. My 3 year old was asking me a million questions about the cemetary and I explained to him that all the white rocks is where the soldiers who died get to sleep. He asked me why they died and I told him they died fighting the bad guys who wanted to hurt us. I said the soldiers protected me, his mom and his brother. There was a family nearby who had a family member die in Tower 1 of the World Trade Center. They were sobbing. My son stared at them. I told him that it's ok to feel sad. He looked at me and said "I'm not sad Dad. I'm mad. Can I fight the bad guys for them?" It was already very emotional walking around on this day watching family members of fallen soldiers and victims. When he said that, my eyes welled with tears. God  help me if he ever decided he wanted to join the military during times like this. Hopefully, we have better times ahead in the future.

Hawk is very accurate on what he posted.Drunks dont realize the hurtful things they say so u should try to blow that off and not hold it against him..best of Luck

Irish, good luck

There are many types of Al-Anon programs. What you'll find is that most groups are populated by women (go figure). This never bothered me, because tears do not know gender.

But, there are men/women only groups. A group I used to go to before I moved as called MISTER (Men In STEps to Recovery). Going to meetings all the time may be difficult with all your current studies, at least pick up a daily read called Courage To Change. Takes just a few minutes to start/end your day, and will give you something to think about.

I'll be back here after you get back from your first meeting.

I know a Ranger never backs down from a fight. This time, you're fighting for yourself. You can beat yourself down, beat yourself up, or swing and miss. Just don't quit.................you're worth it

Hawk,

Meeting was excellent. You are right- it was mostly women. In fact, it was mostly wives married to alcoholic, abusive husbands. I will admit that at times, I felt like I too need to make some real changes. I don't drink until my kids are asleep and I dont allow alcohol to bleed into my family life but it certainly doesnt do anything positive for me. I will also say it was emotional at times during the meeting. It's easy for people to say that my Dad has to change his ways but I actually cannot even imagine it happening.

Saw the movie "Warrior" today. Ever see it? Nick Nolte is my Dad. It's almost unbelievable how close he resembles my father in every single aspect. The song in the final scene is painful to even listen to...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r26VsCGCgb0

Hawk- you are a good man. Would not mind meeting you in person someday. Take care of yourself and thanks for your support.

PS: Got that book on amazon for 10 bucks today. Thanks.

Mike Paul: Hawk was recommending a daily read to me but there is also a book with the same title and same subject.

https://www.amazon.com/Courage-Change-One-Time-Al-Anon/dp/0910034796/ref=pd_cp_b_0

Irish

Glad you went. Hope you got something from it. I have to admit, my first meeting was pretty rough. Why am I here? What problem do I have? There's nothing wrong with me, it's the alcoholic in my life. Why can't we talk when someone else is talking? How can we share ideas if we can't interact?

It wasn't easy. Nothing ever is. I don't have to tell a Ranger to keep going. However, you may want to check out a different kind of meeting. When I was living in the Bay Area in N. California, I used to go to CFR-Center For Recovery. They also had a class that I took while my wife was in rehab. It was a four week course, then they would have a nightly meeting once a week. Again, it was the people that had alcoholics in their life. But unlike Al-Anon, people shared different points of view and discussed things. There were people there that were going to this for over 5 years, and spoke from experience. Again, I hated my first meeting. I was being told things I didn't want to hear. How I was codependant. What I was doing wrong. I'm like, wait a minute, I'm not the boozer here, why don't you fucks fix my wife?

I had no idea how I had changed my life to try and "save" her. I was trying to be Superman, and fell woefully short.....

Irish, I'd love to meet you. If you're ever in Vegas, I can get there in a few hours.

Until then, take care. All of you.

Crash, thanks.

Irish, I have seen the movie. Sad.

Anyway, I mentioned the other meeting because I didn't want to strictly go to just Al-Anon meetings. Not enough interraction for me. Of course, you can always chat up people before or after meetings if you really want to share a point of view.

As you can see, we are not alone in this big World. You can blow out a candle, but you can't blow out a fire........