I guess my relationship with my Dad is officially over.

Hey guys,

First off, thanks again for all the words. I did not think this thread would draw this many replies but I appreciate everyone's input.

The whole situation has really been dragging me down this week. My Dad called me from a pre-paid phone and told me on voicemail that he made it home. He began crying/sobbing and apologized profusely and said "this all happened because of alcohol...as always." I'm glad he realizes the truth.

I'm not ready to speak to him so today, I sat down and wrote him a letter. I apologized for what I said to him but explained everything that led to this blow-up. I don't expect that he will ever be able to help himself with his alcoholism but I have my own family I need to care for. I can't continue to be the shoulder for him to cry on, nor can I continue to be the guy that is there for him to tell him that he is not doing anything wrong.

As I mentioned previously, the thing that disturbs me the most is that this happened in front of my 3 year old. He has not mentioned it lately and seems to have forgotten about it but I feel bad for him. He's just a good boy who did not deserve to see his Dad act in that manner.

Anyway, I told my dad that perhaps we can speak again someday but it will not happen overnight. In the meantime, we can communicate via letters as I get re-focused on my own family.

 Glad to hear he's OK  .............& glad to hear he took responsibility for his actions.

 Letters are a good idea for now. Don't give up on him..........I know some recovering alkies that truly astonish me in the sense that I never thought I'd see the day they were sober, so it is possible.........if he wants it.

 Fortunately your son is young enough that he may forget the episode in time.

 GL bro......

We cant choose our parents, They are who they are and will be the way they choose to be for life, You will never change him.

If hes a good man then he will remain that way

If he is a douchebag then he will remain that way

two optiions

Accept him the way he is

Stay away from him

thats it, no grey area, sorry I couldnt give you more better news

Never argue, especially to the level it sounds like you did, in front of a child.  It really couldn't wait until you got home to berate each other and then to have a third person jump into it?

I know no one wants to hear/say it but talk about a bunch of selfish people.  All the kid wanted was to see a game and instead gets to witness his dad, uncle and grandpa verbally assaulting each other.

Quick update:

I called my Dad yesterday afternoon and we spoke for about an hour. The whole situation has been eating away at me. My son has asked me several times if we could call "Poppa."

So he was shocked when he answered the phone. Immediately began crying. He said repeatedly that he knows he has an awful problem and also said that without my family, he has no reason to get up in the morning (no friends due to his alcoholism, no other family for same reason, no steady job, etc).

I'm not going to ingore his demons. But I also know that I don't want him to die while feeling completely alone. He does not deserve that. I just can't completely turn my back on him, nor anyone else in my family. Maybe I did the wrong thing but I know he went to sleep a much happier man last night.

Thanks again for all the responses and words of advice.

 He has his faults as all of us do. He's your Dad and I know he feels terrible. The last thing a Dad wants to do lose his family's respect, especially his son's. Try to keep this in mind.

GL and semper fi.

 Irish, maybe I am in the minority here, but the most telling part of your experience with your dad was how he handled himself the day following the blowup.  I applaud you for trying to reconcile with him, but I feel it is all in vain. 

If he felt ANY guilt at all, HE would have made sure to contact you the next day and apologize for his abhorrent behavior.  He treated you like shit , but you are trying to apologize for him, which is a HUGE mistake, and counterproductive on your part. 

Irish, I believe his words are shallow, but hope I am wrong.  And people RARELY change at his age.  Thus, he is most likely just telling you a lot of blah blah and what you want to hear. 

It is also a shame that your kid had to become a part of this ugly situation due to the argument in the car, and he is probably very confused and thinks he had something to do with the adult's argument.  Show your abundance of love towards him instead, and also keep a lot of misery from resurfacing down the road by avoiding ANY future contact with your dad.   

You only have one father and should forgive him no matter how wrong he is.  You should talk to him at least once a week even if it's only a five minute conversation. 

Just having your son say hi grandpa over the phone will make his day and you'll both feel better after the phone call.