I have known this already that dogs are nasty as hell. There is nothing funnier than watching a little dog run off with a used condom in it's mouth as you are yelling at it to stop. You catch the dog and it knows it was caught caught doing something bad. So you find under the bed or wherever looking back with those sad puppy dog eyes looking guilty as the used condom sits on the floor by the pooch under the bed. Bad Dog! LOL!
This last week I have delt with a little dog that is waiting for anything to drop on the floor. The first night I was there I messed up and left clothes and condom wrappers out in the floor of the the living room. The next morning, we wake up to her kids making noise in the kitchen using the ice maker.....OH NO! All of our explosion of clothes were spread out in the living room for all to see! My pants, shirt, boxers, and not to mention her bra and stuff all over! They were not home the night before and her kids came home way early she said. We were busted and her kids could see it all even though we were in her bedroom with the door closed. I was thinking to myself, great! When the coast is clear she runs out and grabs all the stuff and brings it back to her room where I was in the bed. I asked her if she got everything and she ran through the checklist and only mentioned that there was the condom wrapper out there. OOP's! I then told her that when we continued into the bedroom the night before, I left a condom sitting right next to the wrapper? The dog must have snagged it up and has it hidden somewhere in the house! LOL! You need to find it before your kids do I said laughing. She could not find it so who knows if and when it will ever turn up...Ha ha. After over 2 weeks still no sign of it anywhere in the house!
Then just recently over the last few days I made a discovery that was causing some issues. This is my first night of not drinking a ton of beer out at bars from early afternoon to late into the early morning. This stretch has gone on for 13 days straight and has been a blast from bars, casinos, and horse tracks. Kind of a going away daily bash celebrating my trip out to Vegas when I fly out next Monday. My luck is always good and sometimes timing sucks on when that luck happens. I met a bad ass older cutie pie woman who is divorced and getting back out and having a good time. So we have done that everyday since we met and have hit it off well. She is sexy as hell I may add and has her shit together, so she is not looking for a man to take care of her, my kind of lady! Timing during the last few weeks led to going home after both of us drinking a ton, cabs for rides home of course. She forgot she had a tampon in as precaution towards the end of her period. She did not mention it that night and I did not notice, I evidently pushed that absorbent white cotton paper thing with rip cord all the way up into the back wall of the vag.
I noticed something was not right because if I went in at all with any kind of force I would hit something really rough and it hurt me a little. Not to mention when we got done my tip was sore as hell? That is not normal. But, even though it was strange I still went for a couple more rounds the next day. Then I had to take a couple days off because I literally was so sore it was too sensitive to the touch. So over the next few days we had talked about it and she was concerned that she may have had a drunken accident and forgot she had a string in and it may be causing issues because she was getting that "not so fresh feeling" if you know what I mean? She mentioned she may need to go to the doctor to get checked out. Lucky for her I am an amateur V-hole expert with gyno knowledge. Made me wonder if Dr Salty could help.
I mean I was ready to have the green light for full action again and I know it is dangerous for a woman to have a old tampon up inside for extended lengths of time. Not to mention it is not hygienic and nobody is a winner there:(
So we go out again and get back to her place where it is business time again after drinks all day. I was not gonna take a chance again so I did a little spelunking and went in with 2 fingers and could feel the old super soaker and was able to grab it and pull it out long story short. She was embarrassed but I saved her a doctor trip and we were drunk so what the hell right? It was time to proceed and that problem was solved
But now the funny thing is the little dog who hid or ate that condom was in the room with the door closed and was waiting on the floor. I threw the old tampon in the bathroom through the doorway to be picked up later. But it is gone afterwards and nowhere to be found! And wouldn't you know there is that guilty looking dog under the bed knowing it fucked up. She was grossed out and embarrassed again when I suspected the dog got it and it is not where I put it on the floor! Oh no! LOL. So we looked everywhere and it was not to be discovered. I even got injured during the tampon hunt as I was on my hands and knees in her closet checking to see if the dog had stashed the nasty prize in the closet floor or something. As I was moving dozens of pairs of shoes around I got back into the back corner of the closet. I turn to come out and up and you know how you stub your toe in the dark? You do not realize how much force your foot has as it kicks that solid object in the dark. Well, unfortunately for me it was not my toe. It was my temple hitting hard and solidly aginst the corner of an open heavy dresser drawer! My temple has not taken a shot like that in years and I went blind for a split secaond as I yelled FUCK! to myself as I fell over just realizing what just happened. I instantly started laughing even though I was in pain. How am I going to explain this injury if I am really hurt? LOL.