It's the beginning of the end. I advise everyone to drink up and buy everything on credit in the coming days, the last we have in this life and on this earth.
Signs are all around us that this the end, or Armageddon as some are wont to call it, is near. Take Revelations 16:1, for example:
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Then I heard a loud voice from the temple saying to the seven angels, "Go, pour out the seven bowls of God's wrath on the earth." |
Some scholars interpret this as the seven Angels being Vladimir Guerrero, Chone Figgins, Garret Anderson, Howie Kendrick, Kendry Morales, Mike Napoli and Reggie Willits who batted a combined .180 in the recent ALDS against the demonic Red Sox. The seven Angels gave their all, but it just wasn't enough to turn back the Satan Sox.
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The seventh angel poured out his bowl into the air, and out of the temple came a loud voice from the throne, saying, "It is done!" |
Some believe this is a reference to the Colorado Rockies who have won seven straight postseason games, doing so with solid pitching despite playing in the thin air of Coors Field.
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Behold, he is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see him, including those who pierced him. All the tribes of the earth will mourn over him. |
Scholars have often been at odds as to just what this passage from Revelations means. But many believe it is the signal of the exact moment that Armageddon begins. 'Coming with the clouds' definitely points to today's weather in Cleveland, and 'the tribes' would seem to confirm that considering the Indians are battling those devilish Red Sox tonight.
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He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the assemblies. |
It's quite obvious that Revelations 2:29 is an instruction to all to pay close attention to the PA announcer this evening when he goes through the starting lineups.
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Wake up, and keep the things that remain, which you were about to throw away, for I have found no works of yours perfected before my God. |
This passage probably has something to do with recycling our garbage and being more ecologically friendly to our earth. But hey, it's too late to go green now since the end is near. The eco theme is also repeated in Revelations 7:3 ("Don't harm the earth, neither the sea, nor the trees...")
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They were given power not to kill them, but to torment them for five months. |
Revelations 9:5 reverts to talking about the Colorado Rockies, how they tormented their fans for five months before finally waking up in September to cap their season with an amazing run.
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They had hair like women's hair, and their teeth were like those of lions. |
This passage, Revelations 9:8, is still being debated. Personally, I think it's a reference to my first wife, her mom and her sisters, though I could be wrong.
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They didn't repent of their murders, nor of their sorceries, nor of their sexual immorality, nor of their thefts. |
Revelations 9:21 is an obvious reference to the current Bush Administration.
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If anyone was not found written in the book of life, he was cast into the lake of fire. |
Skipping forward to Chapter 20, Verse 15, this refers to one of Satan's Red Sox batting out of order in tonight's game and being cast into Lake Erie which, as we all know did catch fire one time.