Life is a mother guy

It's crazy how one mistake can really ruin your life and make you start over. I loved my life so much I wouldn't change anything. I had a great family, great beautiful girlfriend, beautiful child, money, expensive cars, jewelry, gucci, jordans, you name it I had it, about to graduate, two good jobs, and soon to open a business. Too bad when you are selfish and on drugs and living half your life in the hood, things end up catching up to you. When task force kicks in your door with m16's, harrases your family and wakes up your child at 5 am, everything changes. Lost 35k fighting my case and thats cash saved. During the year and a half of trial you go through hell because everyone who loves you want to you to do good but you can't. Constant rage and craziness, drugs, gambling, leaving the house and not comming home for days. Now I get out of jail and everyone is looking at me like fuck you. We don't want to be around you, just because you changed doesnt mean anything it has only been two months. OG once told me patience is a virtue and I laughed. But now that I look at it...the statement is so true. It would be nice to help some kids that grew up in the hood, but I never listened so why should they? It's hard trying to convice people to believe you when you are a scam artist and you live the life convicts live. People end up moving on from you because they can't endure anymore pain that you have caused. I wish you could change a few things because I can't blame it on these fake cats in the street who snitched on me. That shit will always happen. What do you do when everyone who once loved you doesn't want to have anything to do with you because they don't really believe you changed even though I'm trying. I have a job after 4 weeks of being out and I'm a felon, I pay my restitution, and Im going to grad school. Even when I do the right thing, I feel like people only remember the bad things. Life is really a bitch if you don't appreciate the things you have. People say you should thank God you aren't dead or in jail for murder because thats what happened to the people around me. But honestly, how can you say that when the people who love you have moved on without you?

I ment my title to be life is a mother..f.uckker..

 

Many of us have never experienced prolonged and terrible suffering. But one of the grandest opportunities you will ever get to glorify God, will be in the hour of distress and suffering. When everything is rosy, and the pastures are green, and the waters are still-and you look up and say, “Praise God from whom all blessings flow,” the world won’t be especially impressed. They’ll say, “Why shouldn’t he be thankful, everything’s going his way?” But when the shadows deepen, and the clouds begin to gather, and the sorrows pour in-if in such a time, you can look up through your tears and like Job, say, “The I~ord giveth, the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord,”-the world will be convinced, and they’ll say, “There must be something to this Christianity after all,” and Jesus will get glory

However, some suffering is the result of our own sins. When Paul wrote the Church of Corinth about their abuse of the lovefeast service, he said, “He that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself, not discerning the L~ord’s body. For this cause, many are weak and sickly among you” (1 Cor. 11:30). Sickness and even death in some cases, are due to the Christian’s failure to confess sin, and to judge wicked habits in his own life, and God sends the suffering as a punishment for sin.

On the other hand while all suffering is the result of sin, suffering is not always the result of specific sin in one’s own life. If you are suffering from sickness, or from heavy burdens, or from persecution-and you’ve honestly confessed all known and doubtful sin in your life, and you’ve searched out your own heart before God (and you still continue to suffer)-you can rest assured that God has some greater purpose in mind for you, and that His plan can only be accomplished in the school of affliction and suffering.

I believe you are right, but my girlfriend is so hurt by my prior actions that she can't give me another chance even though some days she loves being with me and sees the child wanting me to come back home. She will go home and think about all the pain I caused and end up pushing away. Telling me to move on even though I don't believe she truely means that. I believe since we been through a lot we should be a stronger family, but she believes we have been through too much and it can't be fixed. I believe God wanted me to be with this woman thats why it's hard for me to understand what greater purpose God has for me. I just don't understand it at all. I have only been out for 2 months now and everytime everything is going good she starts to push away when there is a little time apart. Do I give the people I love their space and let them heal and be patient hoping they will come back around? Or do I keep fighting for their trust. A random man once told me if you change yourself you light will shine from the inside and the people that really love you will see that even if they don't actually see you. I don't understand that statement either. How can they see that you have changed and come back if they have already moved on from you.

Mistakes happen, the only thing you control now is your reaction, nothing more, nothing less. You can't change what ppl think of you or act towards you and this shouldn't influence anything. You paid your dues, now move on, become bigger and better and successful living a honest life. Everything else you can't control.

Net net - forget what everyone things, only thing that matters is what you think and what you do next. Rest will come as a result

A wise man once told me"People say that life is short,make a few bad decisions and you will see how long life is."

It took me a long time to learn from my mistakes and I am still learning.Funny,when you get older,you care about things that you thought were meaningless in your younger years. GL

I appreciate what you wrote. You can't change or force the people around you to feel the way you want them to. It is just so hard to see the people around me act differently and have moved on with their lives because they don't want to be hurt by me anymore. Even though they love me they don't trust me. Even though they see me changing, it's always in the back of their minds that I can darn up big. But you are right Frozen Tundra, I can only change myself and pray the people who once loved me will come back around.

 

People with strong hearts and strong will power will see through someone who says they have changed but really still hasn't fully changed. And I believe that I haven't fully changed my ways, which is why the people around me are hesitant to come back around.

Thank you for your comment as well. I am happy to see no one has came in here trying to say stupid garbage because this really is some real garbage. When you live your life in the streets anything can happen. When I started I really didn't care about family and I looked at every women as a girl. I put my woman and child through hell more than once and now I am looking at everything like why are they not there for me in the hardest part of my life. I've been blessed that I had people around to write letters to the judge pleading that he doesn't give me 4 years in jail. My lawyer fought for me hard as well. By the grace of God the original judge was sick that day and I ended up with a MUCH MORE linient judge in the end and got a better deal. But in the end, if I cannot share good times with my families then I feel empty. It sucks when you look around and everyone has moved on.

Not everyone has moved on. Just because you feel resistance now doesn't mean all love is lost towards you.

This is the main issue. Don't underestimate that power of the BS sniffer. If you haven't changed and your hurt ppl before, they have every right to stay away and you can't expect anything different. What would you honestly do if the roles are reversed.

My gf cousin got put away for 2yrs. When he came out everyone was supporting him to get back on track as he swore up and down he would. After a month, he reverted back to his old ways and everyone pulled away. Life is filled with enough bs so ppl tend to stay away from things that have hurt them in the past, can't blame them.

You need to decide what's most important to you. Fill ur plate with these decisions and live life accordingly. Remember you can't have conflicting things on the same plate. I.e. Be close to my family, ex but going back doing what I used to do b/c u know that result.

Lastly, remember as ppl grow older they change. Don't look back and want was yesterday, it's gone, look forward to what you want and plan backwards to today and go get it.

One of my favorite quotes in life was from Rocky V (yes Rocky lol). Rocky says to his son "In life it's not how hard you can hit, rather, how hard you can get it, fall down and get back up and keep fighting." You got knocked down and ppl are gonna think I'm stupid for saying this, but either become the biggest and best crook ever, or 100% embrace changing for the better. You can't have both, life doesn't work that way.

Hope this helps.

East, to me, it looks like you know where you've been, and now, you know where you're going. By recognizing what you've done, you now know what to do in the future. Many people don't, I wish you nothing but the best.

Thanks to all of you I truely appreciate your comments. I have been out about 8 weeks now and I do feel as if I am trying to force my way back into my loved ones lives. I guess since everyone stuck with me through everything, I thought they would stick with me through everything forever. A situation the other day really put everything in perspective for me. It really made me think and put myself in everyone elses shoes. I sat back and said if the people I loved put me through what I put everyone through, would I stick by them? Honestly, I probably wouldn't. Although I would still love them unconditionally, I would love them from a distance which is what they say to me.

So when I really look at things, since I am blessed with an intellectual mind...I understand. But to accept losing these people and to understand the pain, sleepless nights, and devestation is hard.

I am going through what they went through for over three years, so I guess it's only fair that I go through the suffering. You really can never force attraction. No one wants to be around someone who has constantly fucked them over. Even if they want to be around me they just cannot do it because everything is in the back of their mind.

Of course I am not in the street life anymore in the sense that I will not be a criminal, but thats expected of any adult. They want to see me change the little things.

Gofish3

FrozenTundra You have brought up some great points.

The Hawk 

 

East- best of luck to you my friend...

Timdogs- Thank you, I appreciate the comment.

 

I noticed something very important today. Strong individuals who know themselves, I mean really know themselves possess an inner power that is extremely valuable. The person that is ready to kill because he cannot deal with confrontation is actually the weak person. The strong man is the one who is able to handle the situation the civilized way. Not many people know themselves although they think they do. The two people that I have hurt the most are the two strongest people I know. They have an instinct that can almost tell the future. The more you know yourself, the closer you are to God, which means making difficult decisions is much easier fo you than anyone else.

Those two people my Father and the love of my life can see right through me. They still speak to me of course because they love me unconditionally and they believe and hope deep down inside that I succeed, but at the same time they know me better than I know my self. They know that me changing will take years. If you wake up in the morning and believe everything will be okay, some how mysteriously things start to be okay. Things start to get better once you are more positive. Kind of strange how that works, but it does.

Now I understand what OG is saying. If you change the people around you will instinctively know it and start to become attracted to you again. If you could go back in time I would change so many things, but who knows where my life would be. It's like that movie the butterfly effect. He kept changing one thing, but it fucked his life over or fucked someone elses life over. If you don't change the main problem you will never actually achieve what you really want.

how long have you been out?
sometimes things need time to heal

It all depends on how bad you abused/cheated on this chick.

If it was a lot, then move on. Get stability and then see what happens.

 

I been out since the end of October.

Well, I never actually abused her as in hit her. I don't believe in hitting women. But I did ruin our house many times. I would go into rage while I was fighting my case for about a year. I would break pictures on the wall. Punch holes through doors and walls. Flip tables, chairs, break lights, basically you get the jist of it. I was basically in a constant rage. I was on a lot of pain killers, smoking a lot of weed, and gambling a lot. Not going to work once or twice a week because I would be in such a bad mood in the mornings that it wasn't even close to possible to show up. As I was losing my money to bail payments, lawyers, and other garbage I ended up losing both my jobs because they ended up finding out about my situation. That sent me into more of a rage almost every day. She tried to tell me every morning and night that everything would be better but I constantly took out my frustration on her. Then when the DA kept telling my lawyer they will not drop below 3 years I became worse and worse. I began not comming home for night on end doing stupid garbage. I wasn't cheating on her, I just wasnt comming home. I wouldn't speak to her because I was mad over nothing when I look back at it. The child was in the middle of all this rage and violence I was causing. One day it got really bad in the morning she told me to leave the house for a week because she couldn't handle me anymore. I said no. She called my dad to help. I obviously did not leave my house because it was my house as well. Then I ended up leaving and going to my Dad house for like 6 weeks before I went to jail because at that point if the neighbors called the police I would have ended up losing my deal and going straight to prison and the judge wouldnt have been in any way lienent on me. I didn't know at the time that everyone was just looking out for me and just wanted me not to ruin all the work my lawyer had done. Then instead of going back home I decided to be stubborn and stay at my dad house. That made my woman upset and all the rest as you can imagine. Then we stopped talking for about two weeks and then I fucked my ex gf. While I was in jail she found out my password to my email somehow and found these naked pictures which my dumbass didnt delete. So while I was in jail she was good until she saw the pictures and emails. Anyways, to me we werent even together, she says we were working on things. I told her I didnt darn her of course. Who knows if she believes me or not.

At the end of the day there is too much to explain to understand how bad of a man I really was. It really is horrible because this is the woman of my dreams. She is the strongest woman I ever met and she is the reason I am alive and semi well today. I just pray that I didn't lose this person. They are very important to me, thats like my bestfriend and other half and back bone. I can't even begin to explain everything she has done for me...it's unbelievable. This woman used to cook, clean, fold clothes, buy presents daily, take care of the child, plan vacations, do whatever I said without asking why, ironed and picked out my clothes in the morning and had breakfast sandwich ready every morning not to mention she has a gorgeous face and body.

It just goes to show you...you can't take anything for granted. All good things can come to an end.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoqvw3_P8L8

This is a great interview by Kobe. When he speaks about how winning a championship takes patience. Comming from someone who works so hard, has dedication for the game, accomplished so much, and has real work ethic means a lot to me. He says a lot of interesting things in this interview that you can really use in real life. Love this interview and I have found a new respect for Kobe.