Request by Sister-in-Law -- how would you handle?

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Author: [General Discussion] Topic: Request by Sister-in-Law -- how would you handle?
kaponofor3 PM kaponofor3
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Posted: 8/13/2012 4:24:52 PM
I have a sister-in-law that is a few years older than me, and her and her partner (yes, she's happy) recently had a baby -- well, the partner carried the baby using a sperm donor, so it is not biologically related to my sister-in-law. Anyways, the baby's birthday was 4 days before my birthday -- lets use November 24 for argument sake. The sister-in-law and her wife, who I generally get along with pretty well, live 4 hours away from my wife and I by car ride, 5 if you catch traffic.

I get a text yesterday from the sister-in-law that reads as follows: "Fyi... we are planning on having (nephew)'s 1st birthday party for November 24 (sat). We realize that its kap's birthday but hope you'll still consider spending it with your nephew."

Fan-tastic. On the list of things I don't want to do on my birthday, staying out of town in a hotel on a bed that is not mine and is not comfortable, having to manage a 6 month old baby in a 4-5 hour car ride, etc. is not high up on my list at all. I'll probably end up getting talked into going, albeit begrudgingly as it is the nephew's first birthday, and quite frankly, I feel kinda bad that the kid doesn't have a male role model in his life.

How would my fellow covers' guys handle this one? Go to the party and bite your lip about spending your birthday doing a ton of garbage you have no interest whatsoever in doing? Go and then reset your own b-day celebration for the following week? Tell your sister-in-law to eat a person for purposefully scheduling this on your birthday?


kaponofor3 PM kaponofor3
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Posted: 8/13/2012 4:26:39 PM
Although there is a large part of me that thinks this is some kind of bullshit "test" from the Sister-in-Law to see if we are willing to sacrifice my birthday enjoyment to show her that we value her, her relationship with her wife, and their baby. Women be crazy, and I don't discount that this is what is going on one bit.
Slobbasaurus PM Slobbasaurus
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Posted: 8/13/2012 4:30:59 PM

Indeed, women be crazy.

If you guys are close, I'd suck it up and go.  Reschedule your B-day plans for the following week so you have something to look foward to.

 

wallstreetcappers PM wallstreetcappers
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Posted: 8/13/2012 4:35:54 PM
I dont like celebrating birthdays so its an easy one for me. 

Getting a 6 month old and a 1 yr old together is probably better than going out to Olive Garden and bemoaning getting older isnt it?

Also, dont worry about having a male influence in the kids life..if there are two loving parents who take care of the child it really doesnt matter what the gender of the parents are.

kaponofor3 PM kaponofor3
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Posted: 8/13/2012 4:35:55 PM
That's what I'm leaning towards Slobbs -- gotta admit I'm somewhat pissed though about them doing this on purpose. I'm getting a whiff of "let's just see how important we are to their family!" from this in terms of making my wife choose between going down with our young son to his only cousin's first birthday versus, you know, me actually getting to enjoy my birthday.
kaponofor3 PM kaponofor3
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Posted: 8/13/2012 4:37:52 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by wallstreetcappers:

I dont like celebrating birthdays so its an easy one for me. 

Getting a 6 month old and a 1 yr old together is probably better than going out to Olive Garden and bemoaning getting older isnt it?

Also, dont worry about having a male influence in the kids life..if there are two loving parents who take care of the child it really doesnt matter what the gender of the parents are.



Nice Olive Garden crack WSC, I can see why you don't like birthdays if that's what you did for yours.



Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I do think that a young boy needs a male role model in his life even if he is part of a loving, two parent (albeit both women) family. I do respect that reasonable people can disagree though.


wallstreetcappers PM wallstreetcappers
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Posted: 8/13/2012 4:42:20 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by kaponofor3:



Nice Olive Garden crack WSC, I can see why you don't like birthdays if that's what you did for yours.



Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I do think that a young boy needs a male role model in his life even if he is part of a loving, two parent (albeit both women) family. I do respect that reasonable people can disagree though.



My kiddo loves OG..not my fav place to dine out. Actually I usually make something at home vs go out..you can buy better quality items than you find at dining places, make it at home better for less.

I do admit that I usually get dragged to Benihana around the date even though I really dont like the place that much.

SwishSwish1234 PM SwishSwish1234
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Posted: 8/13/2012 4:44:27 PM
Personally I'd tell her to eat a person, Just by analyzing the wording in her text I get a feeling you may be right about her when you say she is trying to see how important she is to your family, That being said If you have a big heart and can suck it up, You should probably go.

"Fyi... we are planning on having (nephew)'s 1st birthday party for November 24 (sat). We realize that its kap's birthday but hope you'll still consider spending it with your nephew." 
mainmanmainman2 PM mainmanmainman2
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Posted: 8/13/2012 4:44:48 PM
if ur going 4 hours each way, make sure u are staying at the party for more than 8 hours. doesnt make sense to be on the road more than at a party.


i had an EX want me at her bday party at 8pm ( party end at 1ish) i didnt go and got an earful. i mean i even ask her to sleep on her couch and she said no. i didnt wanna drive home buzz or what not and be on the road for like 3 hours total drive time.

theyre tottally unreasonable to deal with.


gas is way up 3.60 national average or so, some areas its over 4.20/gal! smoke to that!

you are from california, u can make the gas excuse "hey money is tight. i blew a load of cash on gambling in vegas a week ago" excuse


im sure gas in bakersfield is at least 4.60/gal.
fresno is probably 4.30/gal

some areas of los angeles is 4.75.
san francisco at least 4.40
Henry-Lilly PM Henry-Lilly
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Posted: 8/13/2012 4:48:41 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by kaponofor3:



Nice Olive Garden crack WSC, I can see why you don't like birthdays if that's what you did for yours.



Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I do think that a young boy needs a male role model in his life even if he is part of a loving, two parent (albeit both women) family. I do respect that reasonable people can disagree though.




Normally I'd say do what you want to do as it is your birthday, Kap.  But because of the situation I think the little guy is going to be better off having you in his life as much as you can afford.  Your sister-in-law and her partner are likely going to be very good parents, but he will need a male role model to look up to as well.
jmilrod PM jmilrod
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Posted: 8/13/2012 4:52:25 PM

"it is the nephew's first birthday, and quite frankly, I feel kinda bad that the kid doesn't have a male role model in his life. "

looks like you're the guy, the kid only has one 1st b-day

i think you already know what you're gonna do

i'm sure the wifey will appreciate your sacrifice/contribution

i know a lot of my family dealt with the same kinda garbage w/ me having 2 girls 18 months apart

2 first bday parties in a short span, and all of them live out of state

ps: you know that if you don't go they'll hold it against you forever, and you don't need that garbage hangin in the background

lesbos can be brutal

TheGoldenGoose PM TheGoldenGoose
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Posted: 8/13/2012 4:54:22 PM

Don't know why you take it so personally.  Maybe she's having the party on the weekend to accommodate the guests.

I would go and make the best of it because it's family.  The car ride is nothing.  Do it at night when there is no traffic.  The baby is going to sleep like a baby on the ride.  Inform the hotel you will be arriving at an off hour and pay for the extra day.  It's worth it not having to deal with daytime traffic and aggravation.

What does your wifey think about the situation?  She probably wants to go, so do it for her.  Don't underestimate the power of giving into your wifey on things that are important to her.  It's what has kept my marriage healthy for 22 years. 

GL
THEMUGG PM THEMUGG
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Posted: 8/13/2012 4:58:29 PM

 Just politely decline...........say you already have plans & maybe you can make it next time.......or just tell them the truth....you don't want to haul your little one that far in a car. I seriously doubt the 1yo nephew will remember it & hold it against you for life.........& I'm sure (unless the inlaw is very selfish & insensitive) they would understand you not wanting to travel that far with a baby............should go w/o saying since they have a baby of their own.

 Let them think whatever they want............you're an adult & I doubt you have time for head games or "tests".

 What does wifey say?

kaponofor3 PM kaponofor3
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Posted: 8/13/2012 5:04:52 PM
"That being said If you have a big heart and can suck it up, You should probably go."

I do, and I will likely go, I think I just want to vent or complain about it to some of my fellow degenerates who might understand my "!#)(%*!(*@%&!$!" type reaction while I grit my teeth and say "yes, we can go."

"if ur going 4 hours each way, make sure u are staying at the party for more than 8 hours. doesnt make sense to be on the road more than at a party."

Of course, the wife wants to make a long weekend out of the trip -- even less fun then for me because NCAAF/NFL will be in full swing.

"you are from california, u can make the gas excuse "hey money is tight. i blew a load of cash on gambling in vegas a week ago" excuse"

Employment pays for my gas, even for out of town trips, plus my wife and I are both attorneys and the sister-in-law/wife are teachers, so the "we don't have the money" excuse won't have traction even if it was legitimate.

"Normally I'd say do what you want to do as it is your birthday, Kap.  But because of the situation I think the little guy is going to be better off having you in his life as much as you can afford.  Your sister-in-law and her partner are likely going to be very good parents, but he will need a male role model to look up to as well"

I think they will be good parents, but there is something to be said for a guy having another guy to look up to, politics be damned IMO. I just hope I don't have to give the kid the birds and bees talk someday

"i think you already know what you're gonna do

i'm sure the wifey will appreciate your sacrifice/contribution"

Eh, we'll see about that. The thing that sucks about these types of events is that if you want to use them as ammunition at a later date -- "did you hear me complain when we had to give up my birthday weekend to go see (nephew) on his first birthday" -- boy, you gotta do that with kid gloves around women or that can really be taken the wrong way.

"ps: you know that if you don't go they'll hold it against you forever, and you don't need that garbage hangin in the background

lesbos can be brutal"

Bad karma, don't need that crap.


"Don't know why you take it so personally.  Maybe she's having the party on the weekend to accommodate the guests."

That's true, definitely possible as well. I take it personally because, garbage man, birthdays are supposed to be the day where you shouldn't have to do a ton of crap you don't want to do, no?


"What does your wifey think about the situation?  She probably wants to go, so do it for her.  Don't underestimate the power of giving into your wifey on things that are important to her.  It's what has kept my marriage healthy for 22 years. "

Wise man -- pick your battles, but the ones you do pick, you gotta be willing to go to war for.


Thanks for the replies fellas.

kaponofor3 PM kaponofor3
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Posted: 8/13/2012 5:07:01 PM
" What does wifey say?"

Wifey actually agrees with me MUGG a little bit in that this may be a "test" from the Sister-in-Law so that she can find out just how important her life is to us or some crap. My wife's parents didn't exactly take kindly to the lesbian marriage at first (somewhat coming around but not completely yet), and wife's mom had no real desire to have a relationship with the nephew because its not her child biologically. Can't say I agree or disagree with that approach, but I do understand it somewhat. With that background, I think that sister-in-law thinks that we are the only ones in the family who really support her, blah blah blah
Johnzimbo34 PM Johnzimbo34
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Posted: 8/13/2012 5:07:28 PM

They should have talked with you before scheduling it on your bday...why couldn't they do it the weekend before yours?

My wife and I got married last year...on her brother's birthday. She called him to see if that was cool with him before we set the date. Only decent thing to do methinks. Had he voiced any issues we would have gone with a different date

kaponofor3 PM kaponofor3
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Posted: 8/13/2012 5:19:24 PM
"They should have talked with you before scheduling it on your bday...why couldn't they do it the weekend before yours?"

... and therein lies my concern about this being a "test" more than anything else. Maybe I'm wrong, who knows.
SALTY PM SALTY
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Posted: 8/13/2012 5:31:02 PM
That is on them. Now they pull the nephew garbage...screw that.
in my opinion birthday parties for kids under 3 are all about the parents anyway.
Plus those kids wont remember whether u are there or not. Nor do they care. They are babies, they are busy shitting their pants and crying about it.




I would enjoy ur bd and nicely avoid those ho's
Posted using a mobile device.
hotdamn85 PM hotdamn85
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Posted: 8/13/2012 5:45:39 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by kaponofor3:

"They should have talked with you before scheduling it on your bday...why couldn't they do it the weekend before yours?"

... and therein lies my concern about this being a "test" more than anything else. Maybe I'm wrong, who knows.


^ i think u hit the nail. i think its a test too...

seems like u are already on the verge of wasting ur weekend. have fun. bring a nice watch to look at.




Employment pays for my gas, even for out of town trips, plus my wife and I are both attorneys and the sister-in-law/wife are teachers, so the "we don't have the money" excuse won't have traction even if it was legitimate.


^ do you know a thing or two about false imprisionment charges? thanks in advance.
Islandstyle PM Islandstyle
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Posted: 8/13/2012 6:10:46 PM

Send her a bag of rocks and a pair of tennis shoes and tell her to have field day!

What up Kap how have you been brotha!

I say go and turn the party into yo party!

kaponofor3 PM kaponofor3
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Posted: 8/13/2012 6:12:44 PM
"^ do you know a thing or two about false imprisionment charges? thanks in advance."

Only what I would recall from my criminal law / criminal procedure classes, but shoot me a PM if you would like to chat


THEMUGG PM THEMUGG
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Posted: 8/13/2012 6:16:07 PM
 Goose has a good point, & I remember doing those things for the wife...........we golfers call it "making deposits". I haven't been successful at the marriage game.........0-2 having done a couple of 5 year stints........so I don't know how much it helped. If the wife thinks you 2 should go then perhaps you should make that deposit. 

 One question I would ask myself.............is this just the start? Are we expected for Christmas? Easter? Thanksgiving? Every B-day?
packers1992 PM packers1992
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Posted: 8/13/2012 6:26:49 PM
i could never do it. Have a kid i couldn't take to the park,teach him football i just couldn't do it
thorpe PM thorpe
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Posted: 8/13/2012 6:28:38 PM
No way in hell I would go.    
Biscuiteater1 PM Biscuiteater1
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Posted: 8/13/2012 6:39:04 PM
They are throwing you a surprise b- day party.You are being set up.
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