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Author: [General Discussion] Topic: Irish Confession
ApacheM send a private message View Space | Blog | Friends | Playbook |
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#1
Posted: 4/9/2012 1:04:52 PM
 { IRISH CATHOLIC CONFESSION }

 'FATHER', HE CONFESSED, 'IT HAS BEEN ONE MONTH SINCE MY LAST
 CONFESSION. I HAD SEX WITH NOOKIE GREEN TWICE LAST MONTH.'

 The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'

 SOON THEREAFTER, ANOTHER IRISH MAN ENTERED THE CONFESSIONAL.
 'FATHER, IT HAS BEEN TWO MONTHS SINCE MY LAST CONFESSION. I'VE HAD SEX WITH NOOKIE GREEN TWICE A WEEK FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS.'

 THIS TIME, THE PRIEST QUESTIONED,

 'WHO IS THIS NOOKIE GREEN?'
 'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.
 'VERY WELL,' SIGHED THE PRIEST. GO AND SAY THREE HAIL MARY'S.;

 AT MASS THE NEXT MORNING, AS THE PRIEST PREPARED TO DELIVER THE
 SERMON, A TALL, VOLUPTUOUS, DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS REDHEADED WOMAN ENTERED THE SANCTUARY. THE EYES OF EVERY MAN IN THE CHURCH FELL UPON HER AS SHE SLOWLY SAT DOWN RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE PRIEST.

 HER DRESS WAS GREEN AND VERY SHORT, AND SHE WORE MATCHING, SHINY EMERALD-GREEN SHOES.

THE PRIEST AND THE ALTAR BOY GASPED AS THE WOMAN IN THE GREEN
 DRESS AND MATCHING GREEN SHOES SAT WITH HER LEGS SPREAD SLIGHTLY APART, BUT JUST ENOUGH TO REVEAL THAT SHE WASN'T WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR.

 The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Nookie Green?'
 The altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply,

 'NO FATHER,
 "I THINK IT'S JUST A REFLECTION FROM HER SHOES.."
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#2
Posted: 4/9/2012 1:20:36 PM
This 'joke' makes a total mockery of the Catholic Church, confession, unlimited sinning and forgiveness within the Biblical message and the hypocrisy associated with it, Catholic Priests with questionable character (if any), and much worse. Not like I'm concerned about any of that personally, but I assume you are a Christian given your stances on this site, and therefore, you should be concerned.

I would read Proverbs 26:19 before you say "I was only joking!" or "Lighten up!"

But I'm sure, even if you notice the err of your ways, you will simply say, "All is forgiven because I confesseth the name of the Jesus as my Lord and Savior", the ultimate 'get out of jail free card', for virtually ANY sin (outside of 'blaspheming the Holy Spirit', which conveniently, is so ambiguous and has so many interpretations, no one can truly condemn it or even know they are in violation of it!)
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#3
Posted: 4/9/2012 1:48:47 PM
 Scal, You are a real pain in the behind. Stay the Hell outta my threads. If a racist exists on this site it's you. Keeping the crap stirred up seems to be your past time.
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#4
Posted: 4/9/2012 3:35:30 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by ApacheM:

 Scal, You are a real pain in the behind. Stay the Hell outta my threads. If a racist exists on this site it's you. Keeping the crap stirred up seems to be your past time.

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#5
Posted: 4/9/2012 3:56:19 PM
I agree with Scal a lot but man is he friggin annoying ...... 

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#6
Posted: 4/9/2012 4:26:13 PM

I thought it was funny, Apache. 

Keep the jokes coming sir.

 

 

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#7
Posted: 4/9/2012 4:38:49 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by ApacheM:

 Scal, You are a real pain in the behind. Stay the Hell outta my threads. If a racist exists on this site it's you. Keeping the crap stirred up seems to be your past time.

You make it a public thread, you make it available to be commented on. 

Given the long-standing, never-ending disgrace of sexual abuse charges within the Church, it is quite eye-opening you find any sort of mention of sexual indiscretion (this one of Alter Boys (and Priests?) looking upskirt at a woman of the congregation's private parts) as a Catholic 'funny', is disgusting at worst and in poor taste at best.

Just my take on it. I know it won't affect your behavior in the least but I will be sure to comment on it if I feel necessary. 
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#8
Posted: 4/9/2012 4:42:29 PM
Great Stuff APACHE!!!!



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#9
Posted: 4/9/2012 4:44:22 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by scalabrine:


You make it a public thread, you make it available to be commented on. 

Given the long-standing, never-ending disgrace of sexual abuse charges within the Church, it is quite eye-opening you find any sort of mention of sexual indiscretion (this one of Alter Boys (and Priests?) looking upskirt at a woman of the congregation's private parts) as a Catholic 'funny', is disgusting at worst and in poor taste at best.

Just my take on it. I know it won't affect your behavior in the least but I will be sure to comment on it if I feel necessary. 

Lighten up buddy.  It's a joke.

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#10
Posted: 4/9/2012 4:48:27 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by scalabrine:


You make it a public thread, you make it available to be commented on. 

Given the long-standing, never-ending disgrace of sexual abuse charges within the Church, it is quite eye-opening you find any sort of mention of sexual indiscretion (this one of Alter Boys (and Priests?) looking upskirt at a woman of the congregation's private parts) as a Catholic 'funny', is disgusting at worst and in poor taste at best.

Just my take on it. I know it won't affect your behavior in the least but I will be sure to comment on it if I feel necessary. 
 I doubt many here could give a damn about your take on anything. My personal relationship with the "Big Guy" is on solid ground. We have an understanding, We're both Fishermen... and he doesn't sell trucks and I don't Preach.
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#11
Posted: 4/9/2012 4:59:09 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by scalabrine:

This 'joke' makes a total mockery of the Catholic Church, confession, unlimited sinning and forgiveness within the Biblical message and the hypocrisy associated with it, Catholic Priests with questionable character (if any), and much worse. Not like I'm concerned about any of that personally, but I assume you are a Christian given your stances on this site, and therefore, you should be concerned.

I would read Proverbs 26:19 before you say "I was only joking!" or "Lighten up!"

But I'm sure, even if you notice the err of your ways, you will simply say, "All is forgiven because I confesseth the name of the Jesus as my Lord and Savior", the ultimate 'get out of jail free card', for virtually ANY sin (outside of 'blaspheming the Holy Spirit', which conveniently, is so ambiguous and has so many interpretations, no one can truly condemn it or even know they are in violation of it!)


 You Tell'um Scab!!!

First we get a really good joke from ApacheM and then Scab some excellent Scab BullShit!!!

At first I really did question whether Scab was/is serious but have came to the conclusion that in his diluted, warped world he really, really, really believes what he posts...

Now I read his posts as humorous...

I bet Scab is enough for 5 or 6 villages... Not just one...


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#12
Posted: 4/9/2012 5:00:31 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by ApacheM:

 I doubt many here could give a damn about your take on anything. My personal relationship with the "Big Guy" is on solid ground. We have an understanding, We're both Fishermen... and he doesn't sell trucks and I don't Preach.

Isn't every Christian "on solid ground with the "Big Guy"?" I've never met one who wasn't after their personal opinion of themselves was factored in. 

Of course, when their peers are doing some of the assessment of that said person's character and action, it is a vastly different story. 

And after telling jokes such as these, I doubt the Lord would give such a thing as a upskirt peeks in Church a generous chuckle. If you admit that, I think you should reexamine your 'solid ground' statement. 

There are so many jokes you could tell (dozens I've never commented on) but when you intertwine jokes about the female genitalia spotting in a Church setting, I have to wonder where your head and heart really are. Maybe you should too. 

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#13
Posted: 4/9/2012 5:04:10 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by Slobbasaurus:

Lighten up buddy.  It's a joke.


If I were to make a bet, I bet you own a Bible. Maybe it would need some dusting off. Maybe not. No matter. See Proverbs 26:19 which directly addresses the "Lighten up!" stance, from the God of the Bible himself!
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#14
Posted: 4/9/2012 5:10:51 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by Randisist:



 You Tell'um Scab!!!

First we get a really good joke from ApacheM and then Scab some excellent Scab BullShit!!!

At first I really did question whether Scab was/is serious but have came to the conclusion that in his diluted, warped world he really, really, really believes what he posts...

Now I read his posts as humorous...

I bet Scab is enough for 5 or 6 villages... Not just one...



If this joke was told anywhere near the Church Apache most likely attends, the words 'diluted' and 'warped' would be the least offensive adjective used by his congregation members towards him.
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#15
Posted: 4/9/2012 5:50:27 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by scalabrine:

This 'joke' makes a total mockery of the Catholic Church, confession, unlimited sinning and forgiveness within the Biblical message and the hypocrisy associated with it, Catholic Priests with questionable character (if any), and much worse. Not like I'm concerned about any of that personally, but I assume you are a Christian given your stances on this site, and therefore, you should be concerned.

I would read Proverbs 26:19 before you say "I was only joking!" or "Lighten up!"

But I'm sure, even if you notice the err of your ways, you will simply say, "All is forgiven because I confesseth the name of the Jesus as my Lord and Savior", the ultimate 'get out of jail free card', for virtually ANY sin (outside of 'blaspheming the Holy Spirit', which conveniently, is so ambiguous and has so many interpretations, no one can truly condemn it or even know they are in violation of it!)

Wow. Best word to describe this statement. At first, I thought it was a joke. I mean, theres no way anyone can be that self righteous and borderline clueless.

But I was wrong, Scal was serious.

If you believe in God, then you believe he gave you everything, which includes a sense of humor. This joke only really works because of the shock value of the alter boys supposed innocence being blown out of the water by his reply. Its comedy 101.

Do you think God is more worried about Apache or George Zimmerman? You know zero about the catholic church except what you have read on google. Zero son.

This is almost equivalent to dismissing a knock knock joke because the majority of people now use a doorbell.....

Apache, you and I should pray the Lord turns the other cheek when Scals racist, ignorant, hate filled soul is judged......

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#16
Posted: 4/9/2012 6:00:37 PM
Thanks. That was a good JOKE

Can't believe people are seriously busting your balls over it. Keep 'em coming. 
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#17
Posted: 4/9/2012 7:31:18 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by mightiestmojo:

Thanks. That was a good
JOKE

Can't believe people are seriously busting your balls over it. Keep 'em coming. 


By people do you mean a self righteous racist prick???
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#18
Posted: 4/9/2012 7:35:14 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by TRAIN69:

Wow. Best word to describe this statement. At first, I thought it was a joke. I mean, theres no way anyone can be that self righteous and borderline clueless.

But I was wrong, Scal was serious.

If you believe in God, then you believe he gave you everything, which includes a sense of humor. This joke only really works because of the shock value of the alter boys supposed innocence being blown out of the water by his reply. Its comedy 101.

Do you think God is more worried about Apache or George Zimmerman? You know zero about the catholic church except what you have read on google. Zero son.

This is almost equivalent to dismissing a knock knock joke because the majority of people now use a doorbell.....

Apache, you and I should pray the Lord turns the other cheek when Scals racist, ignorant, hate filled soul is judged......


Ok. I know zero about the catholic church...

Now, isn't this special? 

A Catholic, who justifies crude jokes about spying female reproductive parts in church, by Clergy and a Church assistant no less, because God gave us a sense of humor, is perfectly alright.

Makes perfect sense in Train's world. 

Well Apache, under those conditions, it's time to tell jokes about the Sandusky incident because after all, God gave you a sense of humor. Just do it in good taste.

Train has given you the green light...

And Train, a minor correction about your faithful views. God will not be turning any cheeks on judgement day. He makes that abundantly clear in scripture and although you were trying to meld a biblical passage of forgiveness with the final judgement, it was a gross error and severely misguided, even if you were trying to be cute in doing it.
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#19
Posted: 4/9/2012 7:37:46 PM
Pay no attention to Scabbed-over-weenie, he has no friends and posts constantly here because the sound of his own voice gets him aroused...
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#20
Posted: 4/9/2012 7:44:31 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by CountNo_Account:

Pay no attention to Scabbed-over-weenie, he has no friends and posts constantly here because the sound of his own voice gets him aroused...

Yes, the sound of my 'voice' ...can't you all hear it according to Numbnuts here???
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#21
Posted: 4/9/2012 7:45:38 PM
You are such a pathetic fool...
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#22
Posted: 4/9/2012 7:47:21 PM
Everyone knows you have to read aloud as you type...
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#23
Posted: 4/9/2012 10:35:50 PM

 Sent that to my Irish buddies.

Geeezus scal, give it a rest. Apache thread is not a good place to start trouble bud.

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#24
Posted: 4/9/2012 10:47:19 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by scalabrine:


Ok. I know zero about the catholic church...

Now, isn't this special? 

A Catholic, who justifies crude jokes about spying female reproductive parts in church, by Clergy and a Church assistant no less, because God gave us a sense of humor, is perfectly alright.

Makes perfect sense in Train's world. 

Well Apache, under those conditions, it's time to tell jokes about the Sandusky incident because after all, God gave you a sense of humor. Just do it in good taste.

Train has given you the green light...

And Train, a minor correction about your faithful views. God will not be turning any cheeks on judgement day. He makes that abundantly clear in scripture and although you were trying to meld a biblical passage of forgiveness with the final judgement, it was a gross error and severely misguided, even if you were trying to be cute in doing it.

You know not of what you speak. You are babbling. Its a sad attempt at rational thought.

I know more about "the catholic church" and the bible than you or most people in this world, so you can spare me the "nut it says in scripture" bullshit.

Wonder why God left out "Thou shall not tell off color jokes" from the 10 commandments.....maybe Moses dropped that stone.....

And yes, it is ok to make Sandusky jokes. Why not? If you cant make fun of a pedophile then whats this world coming to. By the way, how was his summer camp you attended all those years?

 

Chalk up another win over Scal for Train. Its kinda crazy you have never got the best of me with as many times as I post.....then again, you are always the wrong one. Guess I just solved my own riddle......

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#25
Posted: 4/10/2012 8:44:55 AM
scab



what an epic jackass

has this guy ever left the bomb shelter?  I swear to christ he is a real life brendan frasiers character from blast from the past

racial tensions? what is this, 1967?

anyone with any grasp on reality knows that the biggest obstacle facing poor black folk, does not discriminate against poor white folk, nor hispanics. It is the fact that they are all poor, and regardless of skin color, TPTB/aristocracy hates them all equally, and will allow them to suffer equally as plebs. open your eyes, join the 21st century
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