Best Joke of the Day

I used to know so many good ones but age has really messed with my memory.  The object of this thread is to post a joke each day in either or both categories G-PG and R-XXX and each week we will vote on the joke for best in each category.

R-XXX (stolen from Jackie Martling)

In a funeral home the asst goes to the owner "theirs a shrimp in Mrs. Magrudders box".

The owner replies "what are you talking about'?

"Follow me ", said the asst

they go down into the basement and the owner takes a look and said "you idiot, that's not a shrimp that's her clit"!

The asst responds, "Well it taste like shrimp".

Guy takes his girlfriend to her first NFL game. Ref flips the coin and the game kicks off before a roaring crowd. She's having a great time watching all of the exciting action, the muscular athletes running around in tight little pants, fans cheering.......the whole event.

Exciting game ends and the the man says to his girlfriend, "So what did you think about your very first NFL experience honey?"

She replies, "I thought it was FANTASTIC but why are all of the players so cheap??"

Boyfriend asks her in a confused tone, "What do ya mean cheap??"

Girly friend replies, "Well after that referee flipped the coin, all of the players kept screaming, GET THE QUARTERBACK!!!!!"

What's the difference beteen Barack Obama and George Washington?

Nothing.

What is certain between a divorce and a tornado in Arkansas?

Either way, somebody's losing a trailor.

why did so many blacks die durring Vietnam ??

everytime somebody yelled "GET DOWN" they all got up and started dancing