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Author: [General Discussion] Topic: Children Or No children?
PokinSmot send a private message View Space | Blog | Friends | Playbook |
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#26
Posted: 1/18/2012 2:33:45 PM
it's obvious people with kids don't regret it....or shouldn't.


but not all women want to be domesticated with the daily stress.



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#27
Posted: 1/18/2012 4:01:34 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by Kaufee:

Minion, I am seeing a common theme here and I am no different.... except - my kid was an unexpected surprise.

My wife and I were torn on whether or not to have children. We're both very busy professionals and weren't sure how we'd pull it off.

But, one night we made a life changing mistake and my son was accidentally conceived.

The mistake we made that night was the greatest gift I've ever received. My son has only been around for 20 months, but I can't imagine life without him. I never realized it was possible to love something/someone as much as I love him.

He is not the burden we were worried a child might be. In fact, he inspires me to work harder and be a better person than I was before. It's tough to put into words, but being a parent changes your perspective on life. It's an incredible feeling.

Have kids Minion... you will not regret it. It'll change your life - and only for the better. It sounds like you really love your lady and I would work on having kids with her. My wife wasn't sure either - and she couldn't be happier being a Mom.

And for what it's worth - she got her body back in 6 months. She had to go to the gym and work at it, but she looks as good as ever.




Thanks Kauffee appreciated! Sounds like you and me are like with the working professionals. May I ask how old were you/your woman, when the little blessing came about?
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#28
Posted: 1/18/2012 4:04:15 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by The Hawk:

All of my friends told me "don't get married"

And if you do get married "don't have kids"

This from all my friends that got married and had kids.

Go figure....



True! I think there is jealousy on both sides don't ya think? The childless love the family and everyone has a soft spot for it while the family life is jealous of the no responsibility life with lots of luxuries.
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#29
Posted: 1/18/2012 4:12:37 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by PokinSmot:

it's obvious people with kids don't regret it....or shouldn't.


but not all women want to be domesticated with the daily stress.





Yeah Pot. I think this is what she is not looking forward to the most. The other day we went out and got smashed (controlled, not sloppy smashed, since we are adults) over a nice dinner out. Then had more to drink at home and were quite hurt the next day. She made a reference to saying "see, we couldn't do this and sleep in like this if we had kids." I know (well she knows as well) that she is being selfish but likes the idea of having her way and on bringing on any more stress. I do have to give her credit because her job is quite stressful. She isn't a regular teacher and specializes in making huge decisions for special needs kids or those kids that are looking like they are heading that way. No parent ever wants to hear their son or daughter has a disability so she gets lots of hate mail. Part of the job. She obviously gets paid real well thought and is looking to get out and become a VP already. She's so smart and a new age professional women.
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#30
Posted: 1/18/2012 4:17:48 PM
My daughter will be 3 in Feb.  No matter how shitty my day have been, or how different life has turned out from the plan she is the constant in my life.  She is so much like me that it is scary.  If you want kids you should do it, you will never do anything better in your life.  But I have total respect for people who don't want children...if you are unsure that you want a child the answer should be no.
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#31
Posted: 1/18/2012 4:34:03 PM
I think the key is being in a good position financially before even going down this road...which it sounds like you are. While kids can make/break a relationship, I think a lot of that has to do with age and finances at the time you have kids. Age doesn't seem to be an issue here either. That being said, I would have considered myself somewhat selfish, had ideas about life that didn't involve kids, and partied like a rockstar through my 20s...then I had 2 kids. My son is 9 and my daughter is 6. It's tough for you to even imagine what life is like before you have them and probably tougher for people to explain what it is like once you do have them. I know I can barely remember what it was like before having them. Since having them, I have been through stressful things such as divorce, job issues, relocation, etc...and they are a shining light through whatever I have come upon through life. One thing I can tell you pertaining to having a daughter....if you think that love and all those feelings you have for your significant other is special, just wait until you have a daughter. For me, it was all that x10 with my daughter.
So maybe that didn't answer much of your question, but I think we all thank you for having the opportunity to say what our kids mean to us...and maybe that in itself will give you the answer you are looking for.

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#32
Posted: 1/18/2012 4:43:38 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by thediesel747:

I think the key is being in a good position financially before even going down this road...which it sounds like you are. While kids can make/break a relationship, I think a lot of that has to do with age and finances at the time you have kids. Age doesn't seem to be an issue here either. That being said, I would have considered myself somewhat selfish, had ideas about life that didn't involve kids, and partied like a rockstar through my 20s...then I had 2 kids. My son is 9 and my daughter is 6. It's tough for you to even imagine what life is like before you have them and probably tougher for people to explain what it is like once you do have them. I know I can barely remember what it was like before having them. Since having them, I have been through stressful things such as divorce, job issues, relocation, etc...and they are a shining light through whatever I have come upon through life. One thing I can tell you pertaining to having a daughter....if you think that love and all those feelings you have for your significant other is special, just wait until you have a daughter. For me, it was all that x10 with my daughter.
So maybe that didn't answer much of your question, but I think we all thank you for having the opportunity to say what our kids mean to us...and maybe that in itself will give you the answer you are looking for.



Great post! The more I hear, the more I like, so keep them coming! Great posts guys on both sides! I appreciate them all!
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#33
Posted: 1/18/2012 4:47:34 PM
I appreciate women as well Diesel. I have 5 sisters and me lol!!! Oh that's the other thing I should mention. I'm from a large family and just my immediate family (dad, mom, sisters, sisters husbands and children) =23 lol
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#34
Posted: 1/18/2012 4:54:12 PM
Just my two cents, don't.  Kids are ALOT of work, ALOT of money, and will exhaust you.  I have two great boys, never in trouble, and I love them.  But, honestly, I wouldn't do it again.  They wlll, just because they are kids, will ruin alot of stuff.  You won't be able to have nice things around because the kids, albeit accidently, will break, stain, or completely most of your nice possessions.  You think you are not getting enough nookie now?  Just wait until you have kids.  I love my wife, but, kids are needy.  That is just the way it is.  You will constantly worry about them, you won't be able to sleep if they come in late.  What is the price now to raise a kid?  I believe I saw it is about $280,000?  Wait until they turn 16 and are driving, or, if you have a girl, her first care date. Oh boy.  You wolves know what I am speaking of.  I grew up with sister, what a bunch of drama there.  I can't imagine anyone--unless you are super rich--wanting to bring an innocent child into this screwed up world.  Too many people anyway.  Sounds as though you are having second thoughts.  To me, that sounds like a NO, don't have em.   I love my boys, I have been a good and involved dad.  Just speaking honestly.   Anyway, bol whatever you do
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#35
Posted: 1/18/2012 4:54:49 PM
I know people with kids who absolutely wanted kids, are great parents, have great kids, and wouldn't have it any other way.  Of course these people are going to say "have kids."

I also know people who have had kids.  Have been bad parents. Kids are more than a handful emotionally and likely will have problems as they grow up.  

One thing I consistently hear is that people who have kids "because it's the next step" or "the next thing to do" and aren't completely committed usually end up on the miserable side.  

The key isn't whether you "can't imagine your life without them" AFTER you have them.  It whether you can't imagine life without them BEFORE you have them.  If you are both not completely committed, then the answer is NO.

I do not have any kids.  I get my fix to some degree with all my nieces and nephews.  I'm selfish and I know it.  I also have big time reservations bringing a child into this world knowing what I know of it and fearing what might happen in the next 20-40 years.  

If anyone ever has to convince you or your wife to have children, then you did it for the wrong reasons. 

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#36
Posted: 1/18/2012 5:00:20 PM
I don't have any kids (only 22)

But I saw my dog being born and I am insanely attached to it

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#37
Posted: 1/18/2012 5:10:41 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by bandit1010:

Just my two cents, don't.  Kids are ALOT of work, ALOT of money, and will exhaust you.  I have two great boys, never in trouble, and I love them.  But, honestly, I wouldn't do it again.  They wlll, just because they are kids, will ruin alot of stuff.  You won't be able to have nice things around because the kids, albeit accidently, will break, stain, or completely most of your nice possessions.  You think you are not getting enough nookie now?  Just wait until you have kids.  I love my wife, but, kids are needy.  That is just the way it is.  You will constantly worry about them, you won't be able to sleep if they come in late.  What is the price now to raise a kid?  I believe I saw it is about $280,000?  Wait until they turn 16 and are driving, or, if you have a girl, her first care date. Oh boy.  You wolves know what I am speaking of.  I grew up with sister, what a bunch of drama there.  I can't imagine anyone--unless you are super rich--wanting to bring an innocent child into this screwed up world.  Too many people anyway.  Sounds as though you are having second thoughts.  To me, that sounds like a NO, don't have em.   I love my boys, I have been a good and involved dad.  Just speaking honestly.   Anyway, bol whatever you do


Great job Bandit. That explains a lot of my woman's concerns. "The world today" Big problem of her's and she thinks if garbage ever hits the fan, our child would still be a baby not a 7-10 or early teenager that couldn't help out while needed crazy attention. She thinks it could be very scary in the upcoming years especially if Canada starts getting hit like the USA did. However, we both have great jobs and shouldn't be affected so the only concern I see is panic or if something drastic happens. Since you are being honest I will too! She, being a christian, (not really following everything but believes the majors parts and we attend a young contemporary church), still thinks the rapture will come bringing devastation to the world as talked about ie. Finaincial chaos and natural diasaters, etc. I know, I know, don't want to hear it from people but that is part of christianity and the 2nd coming talked about. lol

Next part you talk about is sex. Again I will be hoenst. We have crazy sex! It has been incredible and with her tried everything ie. anal, all oils, out at different places, etc. It has been great and she loves it all the time so I'm very lucky. She is worried that could be really affected and is afraid of losing hwer drive. One of her friends had kids and tells her about her horror story of not having sex anymore and enjoying it. I know it is only that crazy situation but has scared her enough (friggin friend!) lol

thanks for your honest post!
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#38
Posted: 1/18/2012 5:13:27 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by HutchEmAll:

I know people with kids who absolutely wanted kids, are great parents, have great kids, and wouldn't have it any other way.  Of course these people are going to say "have kids."

I also know people who have had kids.  Have been bad parents. Kids are more than a handful emotionally and likely will have problems as they grow up.  

One thing I consistently hear is that people who have kids "because it's the next step" or "the next thing to do" and aren't completely committed usually end up on the miserable side.  

The key isn't whether you "can't imagine your life without them" AFTER you have them.  It whether you can't imagine life without them BEFORE you have them.  If you are both not completely committed, then the answer is NO.

I do not have any kids.  I get my fix to some degree with all my nieces and nephews.  I'm selfish and I know it.  I also have big time reservations bringing a child into this world knowing what I know of it and fearing what might happen in the next 20-40 years.  

If anyone ever has to convince you or your wife to have children, then you did it for the wrong reasons. 



Thanks Hutch. I agree with everything, very well said! It being "the next step" is suicide I think in any relationship! You really have to want them and be prepared.
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#39
Posted: 1/18/2012 5:31:58 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by minion0812:



Thanks Kauffee appreciated! Sounds like you and me are like with the working professionals. May I ask how old were you/your woman, when the little blessing came about?


Minion, my wife was 30 and I was 32 when the accident occurred.

I'm reading from the guys that say "No" don't do it and I definitely see where they're coming from. We live in a fucked up a world and bringing a kid into this madness might not be the best idea ......if you look at from that angle.

But, ask any man or woman what's most important to them in their life and the answer 99% of the time is going to undoubtedly be "My Family". Think about it, there is nothing more important than family.


Good luck buddy... it's a very, very tough decision.

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#40
Posted: 1/18/2012 5:44:02 PM
You got to replace yourself on this earth.  If you are even thinking about wanting kids it means you do.  If you don't you will regret it later.  
Your chick only has 5 or so good years left to squeeze out a kid, while you can saw off nuts for years to juice.  

I have a 4 month old son.  It was incredible to get to hold him for the first time.
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#41
Posted: 1/18/2012 7:29:08 PM
don't have kids (26) but sadly looking at all these teen mom's and scared straight shows kind of kill my urge on having kids.  All the people who have posted about having kids are at the glory ages when kids dont give you that unconditional love but what happens when they get older.  What happens if they get in trouble i know its the chance you take when having kids, but will all you guys saying they are the greatest thing you ever done what happens when they start cursing you out or not listening to you and telling you to go to hell and stuff like that?  What is it called the terrible teens?

What happens if they get dui's or other stupid stuff what kids go through.  What happens if your son gets the gambling gene like you have or becomes a drug addict.  Like other people say kids get influenced very easily and i dont want people like the kardashians being my daughters hero.  But hey to each your own good luck with your decision.  I know people will say if you raise them right none of this will happen but thats what a lot of kids that are in jail now parents said. Again gl with your decision.
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#42
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:21:03 AM
QUOTE Originally Posted by ChOdaZ:

You got to replace yourself on this earth.  If you are even thinking about wanting kids it means you do.  If you don't you will regret it later.  
Your chick only has 5 or so good years left to squeeze out a kid, while you can saw off nuts for years to juice.  

I have a 4 month old son.  It was incredible to get to hold him for the first time.


Sounds good Chodaz! Thanks for the input.
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#43
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:24:20 AM
QUOTE Originally Posted by RATPACK9921:

don't have kids (26) but sadly looking at all these teen mom's and scared straight shows kind of kill my urge on having kids.  All the people who have posted about having kids are at the glory ages when kids dont give you that unconditional love but what happens when they get older.  What happens if they get in trouble i know its the chance you take when having kids, but will all you guys saying they are the greatest thing you ever done what happens when they start cursing you out or not listening to you and telling you to go to hell and stuff like that?  What is it called the terrible teens?

What happens if they get dui's or other stupid stuff what kids go through.  What happens if your son gets the gambling gene like you have or becomes a drug addict.  Like other people say kids get influenced very easily and i dont want people like the kardashians being my daughters hero.  But hey to each your own good luck with your decision.  I know people will say if you raise them right none of this will happen but thats what a lot of kids that are in jail now parents said. Again gl with your decision.


Yeah that certainly is the scary part and the risk you take. I know I put my parents through a lot and would not want my kid to be doing the same thing. I think of myself as a good person now to them but thinking back I was into drugs/had a theft charge they helped me with/Joined the military/served in afghan/drive high end sportbikes giving my mom a heart attack/etc. I guess that isn't too bad but I would hate to have a kid that did lots worse lol. But you love them unconditionally clearly.
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#44
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:56:14 AM

There is a lot of great points of views here for your consideration.  I stress that the decision should be yours (and your significant others of course) and forget what you hear from anyone else whether it be here, friends, family, etc.  Someone said it best... follow your heart as you will come to the right solution every time.

One thing I want to just hit on is the idea of the screwed up world we live in.  Dude this world has been screwed up since the dawn of man.  The Roman empire, the middle ages, the dark ages, the beginning of Christianity (when it was more of a cult), the Spanish Inquisition, Nazi Germany, Africa (always) etc, etc, etc.  $hit has been bad as long as there has been man.  This is something you cannot control and something I don't think I would worry about.  If $hit really hits the fan (such as rapture) what are you going to do about it anyway?  What does it really make a difference if you have a child (or two) or not?  The whole purpose of having children frankly is pass on your love, wisdom and life to someone else.  It really is a legacy if you will.  Because your children are your legacy it is something that you will work harder at than anything you have ever done and love more than you have ever loved before.  So yeah you can say having children is selfish too just go in with the right mindset, whatever your heart says and you will never go wrong.  BOL!

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#45
Posted: 1/19/2012 11:01:20 AM
QUOTE

Originally Posted by RATPACK9921:

don't have kids (26) but sadly looking at all these teen mom's and scared straight shows kind of kill my urge on having kids.  All the people who have posted about having kids are at the glory ages when kids dont give you that unconditional love but what happens when they get older.  What happens if they get in trouble i know its the chance you take when having kids, but will all you guys saying they are the greatest thing you ever done what happens when they start cursing you out or not listening to you and telling you to go to hell and stuff like that?  What is it called the terrible teens?

What happens if they get dui's or other stupid stuff what kids go through.  What happens if your son gets the gambling gene like you have or becomes a drug addict.  Like other people say kids get influenced very easily and i dont want people like the kardashians being my daughters hero.  But hey to each your own good luck with your decision.  I know people will say if you raise them right none of this will happen but thats what a lot of kids that are in jail now parents said. Again gl with your decision.

I see what you are saying too but what if your child grows up to be President of the United States, what happens if he or she cures cancer, what happens if he or she wins the Nobel Prize?  Just as likely of the extreme negatives is the extreme positives.  You will never know unti you try.  By the way I was an above average pain in my parents neck too but as an attorney who specializes in family law I can tell you it seems to be the kids that rebel the most when they are teenagers seem to come back and appreciate their childhood the most when they are adults and see how good they really had it which of course brings back the unconditional love.  The role of a parent is like the role of life... it is tough struggle where there are ups and downs but worth the ride.  Okay I promise I am done.  I just had to respond to a couple more points.  Again BOL on whatever decision you make and again forget what we all say just follow your heart.  BOL!

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#46
Posted: 1/19/2012 12:04:16 PM
Minion,

You have gotten great advice here.  Now you just have to make up your mind in what you want.  Despite what others have said, you should keep your woman involved in your thinking/decisions.  You obviously love her and you should make this decision as a team. 

I'm not going to tell you anything you don't already know...or that others haven't already posted.

But I was in your  situation a couple years ago.  Slightly different because we were married, but the same principles.  We had dated for 5 years before we got married and had obviously discussed children.  We were both on board for having a couple, but only after we spent some more quality time together.

A year or two into the marriage, we started to both wonder whether we wanted kids or not.  We were having a ton of fun together, and we knew that things would change dramatically once we had the added responsibility of a child (or two).  We debated whether to have one for the next couple years.  About two years ago, we decided to let fate happen...if she got pregnant, awesome....if not, no biggie.  Of course, she soon after got pregnant....and nine months later we had a baby boy.

I knew things would change, but I didn't expect them to change, FOR THE BETTER.  Like others have said...you don't realize you could love ANYONE as much as you love your own child.  The joy and satisfaction in watching your child grow (hes only 9.5 months now) is incomparable.  I'm a selfish person by nature...but he has changed all that.  And to be honest, while things have changed with my wife and I....that too, was a change for the better.  Our teamwork in raising Nathan has just brought us that much closer together.  And while we have some limitations to what we do...it hasn't stopped us from having spontaneous fun.

Just a couple weekends ago...my host called me up on a friday night and asked if my wife and I wanted to come out to vegas for the weekend....I said no...had plans for Sat. night that we couldnt get out of....Then I realized my wife would LOVE for a spontaneous evening....so I told him that I'd come out if he would fly me out for the night only.  He did and we took the baby...hopped on a flight and were back 14 hours later.

Now don't get me wrong...its not all peaches and cream.  Its a ton of hard work and dedication.  But it is SOOOOO worth it!!!!!
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#47
Posted: 1/19/2012 12:28:24 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by PokinSmot:

it's obvious people with kids don't regret it....or shouldn't.


but not all women want to be domesticated with the daily stress.





they dont need to be. my wife is an attorney and the boys are just fine. then again, i work from home
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#48
Posted: 1/19/2012 12:44:39 PM

kids are the greatest gifts you could ever imagine

nothing will make you more happy or more proud than having a child of your own

i'm not going to say one way or the other ... that is completely up to you and the lady.. as it should be

but what i can say from my lifes experiences is that once that child comes it makes you want to be a better person instantly

i was always one to go out and party too, live it up, drink it up whatever. but now i have more fun than i ever did before in just a different kind of way

yes the responsibility factor kicks into gear automatically but it's well worth it because it naturally becomes something you want to do ... take care of your family

it opens your eyes to a whole new life

i never knew i could love someone as much as i do now... especially my little girls mother, it opened me up to a whole new side of her that i never would have even known existed without having a baby with her.

best wishes to you and your woman

im' sure whatever decision you end up making will be the right one

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#49
Posted: 1/19/2012 1:15:53 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by jesron1269:

There is a lot of great points of views here for your consideration.  I stress that the decision should be yours (and your significant others of course) and forget what you hear from anyone else whether it be here, friends, family, etc.  Someone said it best... follow your heart as you will come to the right solution every time.

One thing I want to just hit on is the idea of the screwed up world we live in.  Dude this world has been screwed up since the dawn of man.  The Roman empire, the middle ages, the dark ages, the beginning of Christianity (when it was more of a cult), the Spanish Inquisition, Nazi Germany, Africa (always) etc, etc, etc.  $hit has been bad as long as there has been man.  This is something you cannot control and something I don't think I would worry about.  If $hit really hits the fan (such as rapture) what are you going to do about it anyway?  What does it really make a difference if you have a child (or two) or not?  The whole purpose of having children frankly is pass on your love, wisdom and life to someone else.  It really is a legacy if you will.  Because your children are your legacy it is something that you will work harder at than anything you have ever done and love more than you have ever loved before.  So yeah you can say having children is selfish too just go in with the right mindset, whatever your heart says and you will never go wrong.  BOL!



Great post and yes the world has always been screwed up. Can't do anything about it or spend time worrying about it.
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minion0812
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#50
Posted: 1/19/2012 1:18:53 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by jesron1269:

I see what you are saying too but what if your child grows up to be President of the United States, what happens if he or she cures cancer, what happens if he or she wins the Nobel Prize?  Just as likely of the extreme negatives is the extreme positives.  You will never know unti you try.  By the way I was an above average pain in my parents neck too but as an attorney who specializes in family law I can tell you it seems to be the kids that rebel the most when they are teenagers seem to come back and appreciate their childhood the most when they are adults and see how good they really had it which of course brings back the unconditional love.  The role of a parent is like the role of life... it is tough struggle where there are ups and downs but worth the ride.  Okay I promise I am done.  I just had to respond to a couple more points.  Again BOL on whatever decision you make and again forget what we all say just follow your heart.  BOL!



Love this post! Totally agree as I am now the one that looks out for and and gets on best with my parents yet had the most problems growing up. Always had the unconditional love and help, but appreciate it more then my 5 sisters now.
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