What is the funniest saying/ quote you know?

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Author: [General Discussion] Topic: What is the funniest saying/ quote you know?
koman22 PM koman22
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Posted: 1/6/2011 10:47:48 PM
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it away. - I've always thought that one was funny. 
CMJohnson1 PM CMJohnson1
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Posted: 1/7/2011 12:03:16 AM
Life sucks, and then you die
kickinA PM kickinA
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Posted: 1/7/2011 12:05:45 AM

“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”
-Rodney Dangerfield

Crowkillers PM Crowkillers
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Posted: 1/7/2011 12:16:55 AM
I don't care said Pierre, I'm from France...
yuice20 PM yuice20
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Posted: 1/7/2011 12:22:55 AM
for all the married men out there..."happy wife, happy life"
jerseykingpin PM jerseykingpin
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Posted: 1/7/2011 3:56:51 AM
QUOTE

Originally Posted by yuice20:

for all the married men out there..."happy wife, happy life"

jerseykingpin PM jerseykingpin
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Posted: 1/7/2011 3:57:31 AM
QUOTE Originally Posted by kickinA:

“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”
-Rodney Dangerfield

TaterOneNine PM TaterOneNine
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Posted: 1/7/2011 4:09:55 AM
"for every hot chick you see, there is a man out there thats either sick of friggin her, or sick of her garbage"
SALTY PM SALTY
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Posted: 1/7/2011 4:11:30 AM

The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.

-Steven Wright-

StevenGA1011 PM StevenGA1011
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Posted: 1/7/2011 4:23:00 AM
Pretty much impossible to choose just one because this guy left many behind --


A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
Iw1nBets PM Iw1nBets
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Posted: 1/7/2011 6:19:51 AM
lol you guys are right Rodney Dangerfield had some funny behind one liners
mwhit82 PM mwhit82
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Posted: 1/7/2011 6:58:11 AM
Rodney is always great....But I gotta give some love for Sam "Is she right, because I know that's the popular version of what went on there, I know a lot of people like to believe that, but I was there, I wasn't here in a classroom, hoping I was right, thinking about it, I was up to my knees in rice patties, w/ guns going up against Charlie slugging it out w/ him while pussies like you, were back here partying putting head bands on doing drugs while listening to goddamn Beatle albums....

Or Sam....I love women, but man there are some friggin girl. Call this friggin girl up...Hello is Veronica there, we're actually at a big party here and she hasn't showed up yet, can I leave a message if she calls back, so tell her she's a big friggin box and she broke his heart, we hope her box rots off and falls off in a big friggin toilet!!!
Skubishack PM Skubishack
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Posted: 1/7/2011 7:54:21 AM

Confucius say "Man who go to bed with itchy behind, wake up with smelly fingers".

I don't know which comedian told this. It was a long time ago.

potter36 PM potter36
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Posted: 1/7/2011 10:17:24 AM
"One thing about sodomy...It always gets the point across."
ogmike PM ogmike
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Posted: 1/7/2011 10:24:30 AM

Doesn't really fit this category but I asked my recently married friend if he beats off alot when the wife is out of town for work.  He responds:

"No, but I put on her panties and cut myself."

pjrez PM pjrez
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Posted: 1/7/2011 11:01:26 AM
QUOTE Originally Posted by ogmike:

Doesn't really fit this category but I asked my recently married friend if he beats off alot when the wife is out of town for work.  He responds:

"No, but I put on her panties and cut myself."


I'm assuming this line was followed by an awkward silence...
ogmike PM ogmike
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Posted: 1/7/2011 11:30:25 AM
It was followed by uncontrollable laughter from both of us.  I thought it was a quick and hilarious response.
MrTTL PM MrTTL
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Posted: 1/7/2011 2:31:56 PM

Society woman Nancy Astor: "Sir, if you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee"

Prime Minister Winston Churchill: "Madam,if I were you husband, I'D DRINK IT"

 

kickinA PM kickinA
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Posted: 1/7/2011 2:36:26 PM

Always been a big fan of Rodney Dangerfield. Here's another one.

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." 

misfit_aka PM misfit_aka
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Posted: 1/7/2011 3:25:57 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by ogmike:

Doesn't really fit this category but I asked my recently married friend if he beats off alot when the wife is out of town for work.  He responds:

"No, but I put on her panties and cut myself."


BRILLANT

koman22 PM koman22
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Posted: 1/7/2011 9:59:41 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by TaterOneNine:

"for every hot chick you see, there is a man out there thats either sick of friggin her, or sick of her garbage"

 nice
Kelly_Slater PM Kelly_Slater
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Posted: 1/7/2011 10:15:16 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by koman22:


 nice

koman22 if you never heard that line before then you must be 22 years old 

geez. I forget theres a bunch of kids who were born in the 90's on this site

BTW - the line is true.

I had a model / bikini butt person for a long time. Everybody would stare like she has 3 eyes because she was fine. After friggin her every which way for 3 years --- I was bored and sick of her bitchiness and prep time. Why do you think movie star darn slags??

In the end im way more attracted to really fine/cute/pretty girls that have more to offer and are much better people in general

Kelly_Slater PM Kelly_Slater
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Posted: 1/7/2011 10:33:08 PM

I guess I would qualify for both parts of the line: I was sick of friggin her and sick of her garbage.  

OMG HOT is not all that

 

The Hawk PM The Hawk
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Posted: 1/7/2011 10:47:41 PM

WC Fields

"I'll never forget the time we were stranded on a desert island. We lost our corkscrew, and we were forced to live on food and water for several days"

Molsen PM Molsen
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Posted: 1/7/2011 10:51:46 PM
Roses are red, Violets are blue. I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
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