The turd was not mine!

I sometimes get out and piddle around and play poker on my CPU at a local 24 hour coffee shop. I go in there and hang out with the hippies and cute girls-O-plenty hanging out there.

So yesterday Im playing poker and studying games at my table when suddenly I have to piss. The coffeshop has 2 unisex bathrooms so you can go in either .

So I pick a bathroom and go in and lock the door. Once inside I stand up to the shitter and one of the BIGGEST turds I have ever seen was left by another. I tried to flush it but the toilet was broke

And by this point I was gonna piss my pants so I chose to piss in the sink 

There was no way I was going to disurb that massive log with my piss stream, and end up puking more than likely

So after I pissed in the sink, I opened the door and a hot little college type girl was waiting for me to come out and she went in as I walked past her

I sat back down at my table and I knew that girl saw the monster in the only toilet and assumed I did it,I know itSALTY

Then she sits back down at the table with her 3 other friends which was f*cking right next to mine. She sits down and whispers a few things, then all for girls were laughing and from body language I could tell she just said something gross.

Now the table was completely ignoring me as compared to before the log sighting. I almost had a George Costanza moment and walked up to the table to state "hey by the way I did not do that in the bathroom back there" or something to that effect. But  only a crazyman would walk up and use a huge turd (the saame turd I knew I got blamed for)

But decided to just sit there and be pissed off in my head and not be the guy coming up to a table of women breaking the ice with how did that turd get in there?

Usually when I date women they are unaware of when I shit

So this was comical to me cause if the monster shocked me, it had to of blown her away. To those girls I am just a nasty shitter

Quote Originally Posted by Hugh_Jorgan:

I don't believe the majority of your stories, but I must say they are entertaining 

Agreed Hugh

Why didn't you warn the girl before she went in??? That would have been the logical thing to do. You also said the place had 2 bathrooms, why not tell her to use the other?

Every problem creates an opportunity. This would have been perfect for you to say something funny to the girl waiting and start up a conversation.

I just pissed my pants reading this.....

the greatest line in the post is

"I almost had a George Costanza moment and walked up to the table to state "hey by the way I did not do that in the bathroom back there" or something to that effect."

Maybe you can create a "Seinfeld" but like a crazy dirty version....and this could be one of the episodes......

Same thing happend to me in NYC at a Starbucks....some homeless dude before me,  "BLEW IT OUT" like tear gas....in the one seater....of course no one was behind me when I went in....of course I came out GAGING to a HOT NYU student waiting to go in....

She made a face and then turned around.....  

Quote Originally Posted by Hugh_Jorgan:

I don't believe the majority of your stories, but I must say they are entertaining 

Yes this did happen, I dont know why that is hard to believe to some

Thats pretty funny...

Well when it comes to shitting and women, I am not logical and I do what I can to protect my Clark Kent identity.

And keep in mind I am blazed and was a huge shock when she greeted me at the door I didnt have anything to say to her so i just got the hell out

And both bathrooms were occupied and she was waiting on the first available restroom. And I happened to come out first and she went into dorr number two, literally

Quote Originally Posted by esplanade:

Who pees in the sink?

And if you're quoting Costanza, college girls are probably ignoring you for a different reason.

A man who does not feel like carving up a jumbo alien turd with my laser beam piss stream.

Which would have in turn make me hunch over and puke in the turd bowl

So the sink was the better option versus pissing my pants or in the trash can