Vegas is well on their road to recovery as the Aria Resort reinstates the Cirque Du Soleil and new performers are brought aboard for the first show in twenty six months. Unfortunately the only qualification required in performer applications was to not have a felony criminal record in the United States or Barbados, therefore several applicants are accepted without any prior performing arts experience.
INTERVIEWER: Do you have a criminal record?
APPLICANT: Yes, I was charged with mischief once.
INTERVIEWER: What did you do?
APPLICANT: Two years ago in Reno, I ran around the World's Tallest Climbing Wall naked and threw a cactus at a climber who was two rocks away from reaching the top, it missed and hit an elderly woman. I also was charged with armed robbery in Canada.
INTERVIEWER: Welcome aboard.
The first act is a disaster, as what was supposed to be a synchronization of thirty six dancers turned out to look like a zombie apocalypse in an organized setting. However, it also did not help that an elephant charged through the curtains and knocked a hula hoop off one of the dancer's ears and sent it rolling into the crowd. Hector gets caught in the hula hoop and rolls through the hallways of the hotel and into a nearby restaurant knocking over several plates of curry chicken heads. Phandi Haquoon is very upset and kicks the hula hoop with Hector still trapped in it, sending him into the desert rolling in synchronization with a tumbleweed triggered by a coyote attack. "Ohhh Mii Hectorino!!" yells his mother as she scrambles for her iphone 3, but does not know which number to call, as she does not have the Tumbleweed and Hula Hoop Medical Emergency service on speed dial. It turns out that Vegas cannot fund this emergency, as they prepare their financial departments to generate enough cash for all of the Cardinals bettors tonight as they bet that easy plus money on Michael Wacha.
Meanwhile in Chicago, everything is a mess as tidal waves from Lake Michigan send a city cruise ship flying into the Hancock Tower. An Australian tourist avoids flying into the building as he dives off of boat and lands on Fakooki's Deep Dish Goat and Pineapple pizza stand. He gets up and brushes the goat hair and paprika off his Hawthorn Hawks jersey, and Fakooki is furious. "Why u haf to do dat. My cousin Fuguqaushi send me six goat today and I now haf none because u stupid donkey!" he yells. The Aussie simply replies "No worries, mate" as he looks for another near by Deep Dish stand.
Life in St .Louis is great however, as Laqueefa is walking through the Missouri Botanical Gardens and only three gunshots are heard after an altercation of which tulip belongs where. She gathers three lilac flowers and attaches them to her Gucci earrings and one in a middle cornrow, as she proceeds to take a selfie to snapchat Jrock. A gardener loses control of his weed whacker, and it goes flying in her direction unravelling every cornrow leaving her looking like an even more plump version of Macy Gray looking like she just escaped from a petal ceremony. "Damn, I done been tryna hide dis nappy head for a long as time and y'all gotta roll up on me wit dis Edward Scissorschopper BS!" She exclaims, but no one cares because every one is in awe as Matt Carpenter hits a home run right through the Gateway Arch.
Vegas is well on their road to recovery as the Aria Resort reinstates the Cirque Du Soleil and new performers are brought aboard for the first show in twenty six months. Unfortunately the only qualification required in performer applications was to not have a felony criminal record in the United States or Barbados, therefore several applicants are accepted without any prior performing arts experience.
INTERVIEWER: Do you have a criminal record?
APPLICANT: Yes, I was charged with mischief once.
INTERVIEWER: What did you do?
APPLICANT: Two years ago in Reno, I ran around the World's Tallest Climbing Wall naked and threw a cactus at a climber who was two rocks away from reaching the top, it missed and hit an elderly woman. I also was charged with armed robbery in Canada.
INTERVIEWER: Welcome aboard.
The first act is a disaster, as what was supposed to be a synchronization of thirty six dancers turned out to look like a zombie apocalypse in an organized setting. However, it also did not help that an elephant charged through the curtains and knocked a hula hoop off one of the dancer's ears and sent it rolling into the crowd. Hector gets caught in the hula hoop and rolls through the hallways of the hotel and into a nearby restaurant knocking over several plates of curry chicken heads. Phandi Haquoon is very upset and kicks the hula hoop with Hector still trapped in it, sending him into the desert rolling in synchronization with a tumbleweed triggered by a coyote attack. "Ohhh Mii Hectorino!!" yells his mother as she scrambles for her iphone 3, but does not know which number to call, as she does not have the Tumbleweed and Hula Hoop Medical Emergency service on speed dial. It turns out that Vegas cannot fund this emergency, as they prepare their financial departments to generate enough cash for all of the Cardinals bettors tonight as they bet that easy plus money on Michael Wacha.
Meanwhile in Chicago, everything is a mess as tidal waves from Lake Michigan send a city cruise ship flying into the Hancock Tower. An Australian tourist avoids flying into the building as he dives off of boat and lands on Fakooki's Deep Dish Goat and Pineapple pizza stand. He gets up and brushes the goat hair and paprika off his Hawthorn Hawks jersey, and Fakooki is furious. "Why u haf to do dat. My cousin Fuguqaushi send me six goat today and I now haf none because u stupid donkey!" he yells. The Aussie simply replies "No worries, mate" as he looks for another near by Deep Dish stand.
Life in St .Louis is great however, as Laqueefa is walking through the Missouri Botanical Gardens and only three gunshots are heard after an altercation of which tulip belongs where. She gathers three lilac flowers and attaches them to her Gucci earrings and one in a middle cornrow, as she proceeds to take a selfie to snapchat Jrock. A gardener loses control of his weed whacker, and it goes flying in her direction unravelling every cornrow leaving her looking like an even more plump version of Macy Gray looking like she just escaped from a petal ceremony. "Damn, I done been tryna hide dis nappy head for a long as time and y'all gotta roll up on me wit dis Edward Scissorschopper BS!" She exclaims, but no one cares because every one is in awe as Matt Carpenter hits a home run right through the Gateway Arch.
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