Posted: 3/3/2012 1:46:46 AM
Got into a huge fight with Tony Siragusa at the Point Pleasant boardwalk back in 2001. Saw him stuffing his fat face in a fudge store next to Jenk's as I drunkenly stumbled in to stuff my face. All I wanted to do was shake his hand and asked, Hey dude, you Tony Siragusa? You guys were awesome last year." He looked at me and said "no, I don't know what you're talking about" and turned his back on me abruptly while his buddy laughed hysterically. That led to me and a good ten of my friends following him down the boardwalk screaming FAAAAAAAAAT FUUUUUUCK! TONY MEAATBALLS. FAT behind! His one buddy tried to get tough, but we laughed at him.
Met Jenna Bush at a faggy trendy bar in NYC. She was underage and with the biggest security guard I have ever seen. She was trying to bum a Newport off of me, but I refused and fucked with her for awhile before she stormed off.
Smoked a cigarette with Janice Soprano in NYC once. My buddy was shooting a movie for his class(he was in NY Film Academy or something), and I was in a monkey suit. Took a break to smoke and wound up next to her on the porch of her apartment building. Very nice woman.
Met Jennifer Love Hewitt in Las Vegas last year. Was absolutely piss drunk in a club in the Wynn. I did a running jump over a couch into her VIP section. She called off a 350 pound gorilla that was ready to mangle me. I offered to buy her a drink, but she said she never accepts drinks from strangers, but will make her own from her table bottle and drink one with me. I barely remember this, but my buddies said Jaime Kennedy was standing there straight up mad especially when I threw him my camera to take a pic of us and even more mad when I called him an idiot for not putting the flash on as I stumbled away looking at the dark behind picture. I vaguely remember telling her I loved Can't Hardly Wait and she was the hottest human being on the planet in Heartbreakers. She was nice and bullshitted with me for a few minutes. I stumbled to the bathroom where I met buddy who said I was a total person if I don't go back there and go for it. I gave myself a pep talk in the mirror, fixed my hair, put a piece of gum in my mouth, and went back to my booth with my friends for a quick drink before I attempted to most likely make a fool out of myself with Jennifer Love Hewitt. Somewhere there, I fell through a glass table, and got a piece of glass in my finger and bled all over the place. The next thing I remember, I woke up in the hospital with zero recollection of anything, hooked up to IVs and a nurse who was calling me The Mighty Ctululu because that was all I would answer to. I pulled the IVs out of my arm, told the secretary who wanted 200 bucks that my co-pay was 5 bucks therefore she was getting 5 bucks, and walked back to the Hard Rock in scrubs. Afterwards, my buddy who stayed with me most of the night told me how I threw up all over myself in the ambulance(god my clothes were in a bag and STANK), cursed off the doc who stitched my finger up, and blew a .33 BAC before passing out.
Have pictures with pretty much every major porn star from the late 90s-early 00s. Every year, me and a couple of buddies would go to the porno convention at the Atlantic City convention center. Eventually, they made so many rules and watered it down, but the first couple of years were pretty wild. Some of the lesser known chicks were friggin wild. My fav pics that I kept were one of me and Ron Jeremy. Me fondling Chasey Lain. Me fondling Jill Kelly. And one of me, my buddy, and Jenna Jameson.
Met the Situation in Seaside. Also saw him around Belmar and Point long before he ever got famous. Total geek before Jersey Shore blew up. My buddy used to laugh at all the crazy ab moves he used to do in WoW in Freehold.
Got arrested New Years Eve 2004 in a brawl that was kicked off with me and Jack Cust. We were at this trendy blue blood party in Manhattan. 4am comes along and 300 people are shooed out of this converted church and hanging on the sidewalk. All night people were gossiping that Jay Payton(former fan fav on the Mets) was at the party with some of his new teammates from Colorado. One was Jack Cust and guess who the drunk fool was that picked a fight with me outside? I'm trying to pick up this girl and he makes a comment to his boy "look at this loser striking out." I say darn you. He pushes me once. I'm trying to avoide a fight. He pushed me again. Then again. I tell him push me one more time and I'm choking you out. Couldn't finish my sentence before he comes for another hard shove. I grabbed him in a choke hold and screamed NOOGIE NOOGIE NOOGIE. Choked him out as people were getting testy. It was over though. We all walked away. I'm watching out of the corner of my eye as his friends are instigating and getting him riled up and suddenly he is bull rushing me. I stepped aside and slammed him full force into this NYPD trailer at the street curb. He went down to a knee seeing stars and I belted him one before all hell broke loose. 7 of us wound up arrested, pepper sprayed, the whole nine yards. The next morning, the cops said "you guys are lucky, the baseball players are not pressing charges." I remembered that and looked up the Rockie team picture and picked out Cust in a heartbeat. Had no idea who he was at the time, but he wound up blowing up years later.
Hung out with Big box a few times in Asbury Park. My buddy is an actor and he does a lot of independant garbage out of Asbury. Somewhere along the line, he got hooked up with a guido crew with a few of the Soprano's guys. Vinny Vella, Artie Pasquale, Big Puss, etc. He thinks he is a lot cooler than he really is. Artie Pasquale is a real friggin awesome guy though. He was strangled by Silvio in the last season. I was drunk and telling him what a fan of the show I was. He asked for my address. No joke, three days later I got a certified mail with autographed pics of him and the Sopranos crew. He wrote a note with it which cracked me up because his wife remembered me and thought I was hilarious. He said she was watching me at dessert as I eyed down the girl next to me's cheesecake. She said she KNEW I was gonna go for it. She said the SECOND the girl got up to go to the bathroom, I pounced on the cake, swallowed it in three bites, and ran to the dance floor and started dancing to avoid the scene of the crime. How right she was. I plotted on stealing her cheesecake for at least 20 minutes!.