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Author: [General Discussion] Topic: Dogs are condom gobblers!
SALTY send a private message View Space | Blog | Friends | Playbook | My Sportsbook: Mirage |
SALTY
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#1
Posted: 3/16/2012 2:06:28 AM

I have known this already that dogs are nasty as hell. There is nothing funnier than watching a little dog run off with a used condom in it's mouth as you are yelling at it to stop. You catch the dog and it knows it was caught caught doing something bad. So you find under the bed or wherever looking back with those sad puppy dog eyes looking guilty as the used condom sits on the floor by the pooch under the bed. Bad Dog! LOL!

This last week I have delt with a little dog that is waiting for anything to drop on the floor. The first night I was there I messed up and left clothes and condom wrappers out in the floor of the the living room. The next morning, we wake up to her kids making noise in the kitchen using the ice maker.....OH NO! All of our explosion of clothes were spread out in the living room for all to see! My pants, shirt, boxers, and not to mention her bra and stuff all over! They were not home the night before and her kids came home way early she said. We were busted and her kids could see it all even though we were in her bedroom with the door closed. I was thinking to myself, great! When the coast is clear she runs out and grabs all the stuff and brings it back to her room where I was in the bed. I asked her if she got everything and she ran through the checklist and only mentioned that there was the condom wrapper out there. OOP's! I then told her that when we continued into the bedroom the night before, I left a condom sitting right next to the wrapper? The dog must have snagged it up and has it hidden somewhere in the house! LOL! You need to find it before your kids do I said laughing. She could not find it so who knows if and when it will ever turn up...Ha ha. After over 2 weeks still no sign of it anywhere in the house!

Then just recently over the last few days I made a discovery that was causing some issues. This is my first night of not drinking a ton of beer out at bars from early afternoon to late into the early morning. This stretch has gone on for 13 days straight and has been a blast from bars, casinos, and horse tracks. Kind of a going away daily bash celebrating my trip out to Vegas when I fly out next Monday. My luck is always good and sometimes timing sucks on when that luck happens. I met a bad behind older cutie pie woman who is divorced and getting back out and having a good time. So we have done that everyday since we met and have hit it off well. She is sexy as hell I may add and has her garbage together, so she is not looking for a man to take care of her, my kind of lady! Timing during the last few weeks led to going home after both of us drinking a ton, cabs for rides home of course. She forgot she had a tampon in as precaution towards the end of her period. She did not mention it that night and I did not notice, I evidently pushed that absorbent white cotton paper thing with rip cord all the way up into the back wall of the vag. 

I noticed something was not right because if I went in at all with any kind of force I would hit something really rough and it hurt me a little. Not to mention when we got done my tip was sore as hell? That is not normal. But, even though it was strange I still went for a couple more rounds the next day. Then I had to take a couple days off because I literally was so sore it was too sensitive to the touch. So over the next few days we had talked about it and she was concerned that she may have had a drunken accident and forgot she had a string in and it may be causing issues because she was getting that "not so fresh feeling" if you know what I mean? She mentioned she may need to go to the doctor to get checked out. Lucky for her I am an amateur V-hole expert with gyno knowledge. Made me wonder if Dr Salty could help. 

I mean I was ready to have the green light for full action again and I know it is dangerous for a woman to have a old tampon up inside for extended lengths of time. Not to mention it is not hygienic and nobody is a winner there:(

So we go out again and get back to her place where it is business time again after drinks all day. I was not gonna take a chance again so I did a little spelunking and went in with 2 fingers and could feel the old super soaker and was able to grab it and pull it out long story short. She was embarrassed but I saved her a doctor trip and we were drunk so what the hell right? It was time to proceed and that problem was solved

But now the funny thing is the little dog who hid or ate that condom was in the room with the door closed and was waiting on the floor. I threw the old tampon in the bathroom through the doorway to be picked up later. But it is gone afterwards and nowhere to be found! And wouldn't you know there is that guilty looking dog under the bed knowing it fucked up. She was grossed out and embarrassed again when I suspected the dog got it and it is not where I put it on the floor! Oh no! LOL. So we looked everywhere and it was not to be discovered. I even got injured during the tampon hunt as I was on my hands and knees in her closet checking to see if the dog had stashed the nasty prize in the closet floor or something. As I was moving dozens of pairs of shoes around I got back into the back corner of the closet. I turn to come out and up and you know how you stub your toe in the dark? You do not realize how much force your foot has as it kicks that solid object in the dark. Well, unfortunately for me it was not my toe. It was my temple hitting hard and solidly aginst the corner of an open heavy dresser drawer! My temple has not taken a shot like that in years and I went blind for a split secaond as I yelled darn! to myself as I fell over just realizing what just happened. I instantly started laughing even though I was in pain. How am I going to explain this injury if I am really hurt? LOL. 


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#2
Posted: 3/16/2012 2:06:42 AM

Coincidentally at the same time I am still in a daze from my temple shot, my hot embarrased lady friend was getting a flurry of texts from one of her close friends who was having a fight or something with her husband. We laughed as I told her to tell her friend we have our own problems here because I may be injured because of a tampon eating dog! Ha ha! We have our own problems to deal with currently. 

So with an extensive hunt that old tampon was nowhere to be found and a dog that had foul tampon breath. I told her hopefully the little pooch will be shitting a tampon soon if it makes it because with the bad breath and no evidence to be found, I am just putting 2 and 2 together like Matlock or Inspector Gadget;)

The next day I had a almost bruised knot with the corner marks in my temple from the dresser drawer. Too Funny.


Lesson to be learned here is that dogs love to eat nasty garbage for some reason so watch yourself and your condom gobbling dogs!

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#3
Posted: 3/16/2012 2:20:07 AM
GOTDAM MAN
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MoneySRH
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#4
Posted: 3/16/2012 3:05:16 AM
Bad behind story salty. I have had similar crazy things happen with dogs. My dog before he was killed could smell which pussies were the best and he was a great convo starter.

Salty, have you been to the largest strip club in the world the Sapphire strip club in Las Vegas yet?

They have March madness celebrations there with big screens and all the games are shown there.

If you got the dough, ride VIP style.

Dress up, take your girl there, and have some fun.

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#5
Posted: 3/16/2012 3:12:08 AM
QUOTE Originally Posted by MoneySRH:

Bad behind story salty. I have had similar crazy things happen with dogs. My dog before he was killed could smell which pussies were the best and he was a great convo starter.

Salty, have you been to the largest strip club in the world the Sapphire strip club in Las Vegas yet?

They have March madness celebrations there with big screens and all the games are shown there.

If you got the dough, ride VIP style.

Dress up, take your girl there, and have some fun.


My flight leaves Monday and I am meeting up with a family member when I get there that is also moving there. Should be able to catch the second half of march madness!

I can't wait
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#6
Posted: 3/16/2012 4:57:25 AM
QUOTE Originally Posted by SALTY:


My flight leaves Monday and I am meeting up with a family member when I get there that is also moving there. Should be able to catch the second half of march madness!

I can't wait
Right when you are moving to Las Vegas. I had to move out of Vegas to help my sister out and take care of some business.

I miss Vegas

If you cannot find any box just ask a cabby to take you to a massage parlor for some oh me so horney. They know what’s up.

Go check out the shark reef aquarium at the mandalay bay casino.

Check out sapphire’s, the blue man group, fremont street, criss angel, carrot top, tournament of kings, the shark reef, massage parlors, penn and teller, absinthe and of course all the casinos. A friend told me the dice man andrew dice clay is performing now in vegas. Hope he's still there when I get to go back.

I would say go to the ESPN zone but they closed it before I left. That was my favorite place to bowl, shoot hoops, golf, and throw the football around at while drinking some brewskis. 

Do not forget to go and get your Las Vegas medical marijuana card. There are a couple of medical marijuana dispensaries there now.

I loved being blazed and getting a drunken buzz going and tripping out on all of those shows I mentioned.

I will go back to Vegas but for now I have to be patient and handle my business.


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#7
Posted: 3/16/2012 5:20:00 AM
Salty, awesome story brother. I can only hope to have such stories one day 
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SALTY send a private message View Space | Blog | Friends | Playbook | My Sportsbook: Mirage |
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#8
Posted: 3/16/2012 2:08:14 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by MoneySRH:

 

Do not forget to go and get your Las Vegas medical marijuana card. There are a couple of medical marijuana dispensaries there now.




Already have that in the works and should have a card pretty soon after getting established
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#9
Posted: 3/16/2012 2:30:22 PM
condom-gobbling dog--this is GUARANTEED to be in a CSI episode next season.
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#10
Posted: 3/17/2012 5:45:38 PM
 hilarious
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#11
Posted: 3/17/2012 6:16:04 PM
who wants to see a salty reailty show
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#12
Posted: 3/18/2012 6:47:53 PM
the salty of love show on vh1
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#13
Posted: 3/18/2012 6:51:09 PM
sounds good to me money. I'd rather see a day in the life of salty on HBO
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#14
Posted: 3/19/2012 1:46:06 AM
QUOTE Originally Posted by packers1992:

sounds good to me money. I'd rather see a day in the life of salty on HBO
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SALTY send a private message View Space | Blog | Friends | Playbook | My Sportsbook: Mirage |
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#15
Posted: 3/19/2012 2:53:18 PM

The Salty show
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#16
Posted: 3/20/2012 11:50:01 PM
salty you da man
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