Posted: 3/29/2012 4:06:07 AM
with all due respect in the style of:
Housatonic Dirt Daubers vs. Scoharie Mule Deer
Although the Wampanog Valley Conference is not my general sphere of expertise, it isn't exactly unfamiliar to me as I attended elementary school directly across the river from the gym where this game is being played. A few things about this gym: the alleuvial deposits from millions of years ago are shifting daily in geological strata and have caused over its 74 year life a certain flaw in the south end of the wooden floor of the basketball court which has a critical effect on jumpshots. Let me backtrack here a minute. A few days ago I was in my library reaching for the book of offensive schemes pertaining to this game and mind you my shelves are 18 feet high as the room is vaulted cathedral and in order to reach the highest shelf I have to mount a 10 foot step-ladder. As I climbed I could see clearly through the large fixed window leading out to the meadow where this time of year the snow is melting and I caught sight of the tents. Now listen I know you all at Covers respect my abilities and my wife and I deeply appreciate the fruit baskets and Target gift cards, but there is only so much fruit and cheap clothing we can consume. Please respect our privacy.
Anyways before we examine the Mule Deer's special penchant for several zones of D layered by small pellets that have no real smell but are slippery to the touch let me continue the investigations which led me to the conclusion that a certain curve in the earth's surface connected to the months where a full moon occurs twice has a tendency to skew jumpshots. The following numbers bear this up, each is the varied degrees of the curvature per day of the month (in percentages)
1.2, 2.2, 3.2, 1.56, 2.66, 1.8, 3.2,18.104.22.168 and finally 5.44
I believe these variances lead to an excellent chance the Dirt Daubers can score at will, providing they don't slip up on the pellets left by the Deer forwards. If they can avoid bunching up in dirty clumps which look like the holes pancakes make when fully cooked but much darker and more dusty, I believe the Daubers have not only a chance at covering but winning this game as well as leaving nests behind which their offspring can enjoy for years to come.
Housatonic Dirt Daubers +4
please no more fruit rolls either nothing with a hint of fruit ok?